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May-December daughter

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

When my parents married, my dad was 36, and my mom was 18. He was her boss at her after-school job. Her parents were against the marriage, but she was legally an adult, so there was nothing they could do. I knew this story growing up, but never really thought about it.

However, now that I’m in my 30s and I have young kids, I can’t imagine how horrified I’d be if my teenage daughter started dating a man in his 30s. I love my parents, but is it wrong that the origin story of their marriage gives me the ick? I can’t imagine, for example, explaining to my kids how grandma and grandpa met without including a disclaimer that this type of relationship would not be OK for them.

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Re: May-December daughter

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Well....it's creepy because it pretty much was.  And it's great if their marriage has lasted both because they aren't divorced AND they're in love but this is a problematic situation most of the time and the reality is that it probably was then too. 
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It gives you the ick because it should give you the ick. 


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  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    A good friend of mine from college met a man freshman year who was twice her age. We were in the same community group and it never seemed that weird at the time tbh. We all knew him and had a very mixed age group we hung out with. They've been married for almost 20 years now and have teenagers. Still great friends of mine. Unconventional for sure, but there was nothing untoward. 

    A big difference here is the boss/employee power dynamic is gross here for sure. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Casadena said:
    A good friend of mine from college met a man freshman year who was twice her age. We were in the same community group and it never seemed that weird at the time tbh. We all knew him and had a very mixed age group we hung out with. They've been married for almost 20 years now and have teenagers. Still great friends of mine. Unconventional for sure, but there was nothing untoward. 

    A big difference here is the boss/employee power dynamic is gross here for sure. 
    It may be case dependent.  When a friend started dating someone 20 years older than her we were mid 20s and all thought it was odd and we were adults. 

    Now at 46 if a friend was dating someone in his 60s it would be different but not creepy.  
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    Casadena said:
    A good friend of mine from college met a man freshman year who was twice her age. We were in the same community group and it never seemed that weird at the time tbh. We all knew him and had a very mixed age group we hung out with. They've been married for almost 20 years now and have teenagers. Still great friends of mine. Unconventional for sure, but there was nothing untoward. 

    A big difference here is the boss/employee power dynamic is gross here for sure. 
    It may be case dependent.  When a friend started dating someone 20 years older than her we were mid 20s and all thought it was odd and we were adults. 

    Now at 46 if a friend was dating someone in his 60s it would be different but not creepy.  
    I also think this is extra gross because they MARRIED when she was 18...after she had been working as her boss at an afterschool job presumably as a minor.


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  • ei34ei34 member
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    I don't doubt that there are happily married couples with a substantial age gap, but this particular scenario is icky for sure.  Mom was 18 on her wedding day?  Like, congrats on waiting until it was legal, I guess.  He probably had a crush on her while she was in high school.  
    I think LW is completely within her rights to let her own kids know when they're old enough and dating comes up, that this is inappropriate.
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