Dear Prudence,
I am an early-40s white woman in a very predominantly white European country. The other day, I had an Uber Black booked to take me home from lunch at a fancy hotel. The kind with, in this case, an older white man doorman. When I got into the car, my driver, a Black man, was a bit rattled and recounted to me how the doorman was incredibly rude to him while not letting him wait for me in the hotel drive. I agreed that it was super messed-up by the guy and to myself I suspected it was a racist microaggression. I honestly cannot remember, but I don’t think one car would have blocked the drive and even if so, the doorman could have nicely explained that rather than yelling something along the lines of “get out of here.”
I know the phrase “White people don’t get to decide what’s racist” is in response to white people invalidating BIPOC people when they share their experiences of discrimination, but what about if I am the one to suggest that something could be racist? In the situation of this being a complete stranger I likely will never see again, I had no idea how he personally would feel. And more importantly, with him being my Uber driver, I did not want to put him in an unfair situation where he then had to worry about my reactions. Of course, if he would have named racism then I would have agreed, but I understand why he would not have even if he thought so. I thanked him for the ride (which I would have done anyway) and gave him five stars and extra tip. But I have been wondering if that was the kind of moment that I should have been the white person to name possible racism?