Don't really want my dad involved...

drewmw · May 2011

   Hi everyone! I'm new and I have a question that's been on my mind since we got engaged back in December. This is my first post, but I'm sure there will be PLENTY more before our wedding next June. So, here it goes:

   Without going into a lot of detail, my dad and I do not have a very good relationship. No one really knows this outside of my immediate family (mom, brother) and my fiance. We talk, and he does stuff for me and supported me through school, but that's about it - he's kind of a jerk. We don't get personal, and aren't the mushy "daddy - daughter" types. That's how it is and will be. Now, he does NOT like my fiance and does NOT want me getting married (due to the fact that my future husband is currently unemployed and did not graduate from a prestigious university - according to my father, I can do better).

   So, because of our odd relationship and his feelings toward my fiance (and wedding in general), I really have no desire for him to walk me down the aisle and definately not dance together. I don't see why he woudl "give me away" to someone he does not want me to marry. Now, I don't think people will think it's a big deal not to do the dance - it's the walking down the aisle thing... I don't want people to wonder why I walk down the aisle by myself- like I said, no one really knows about our complex relationship. I am especially concerned about what our extended family, specifically on my father's side, will make of it.

   Am I over thinking this? Do other people not have their dads walk them down the aisle? If you went to a wedding and the bride walked by herself (and both parents were in attendance), would you find it odd?

   I appreciate any thoughts

Thanks!!

naomikb · May 2011

It's becoming reasonably common to not have dad walk the bride down the aisle for a variety of reasons. You could walk by yourself or you could walk with both of your parents.

I have a similar relationship with my dad - and I've realized at some point it is worth it to suck it up for his benefit, so he is walking me down the aisle - it makes him happy to do it! But every case is different.

Good luck, and remember to stand up for what you want

em01092 · May 2011

Yeah don't have him walk you if you don't want him to. Don't include him for tradtion's sake. Do what you want regarding this issue.

He may take it a little hard, so I would go ahead and tell him sooner rather than later if you are sure about this. If you tell him now, he may get over it by the time the day rolls around, rather than if you tell him a week prior to the wedding and he's still miffed. Usually this is more likely when you pick someone else rather than your father (step dad, uncle, brother, etc) so you might be ok. Just depends on your dad.

Good luck.

Beazilla · May 2011

I wouldn't find it odd at all. It's fine for a bride to walk herself up the aisle or the couple to walk together. Stand up for yourself and what you want. Good luck.

Amandarose531 · May 2011

Just do what you feel is right, don't include someone because you think it's tradition.

We're breaking all the rules, i'm not including my father - he's not even getting an invitation, my groom is having 2 best men, i'm not having even wedding parties, my groom is fighting "first dance" tooth and nail etc. etc. and all in all - i'm totally satisfied with it.

Be happy with your decision and don't worry about what others will think. Pardon my expression but, do whatever the hell you want, it's your day.

Lisa50 · May 2011

No. I would not find it odd to see a bride walk down the aisle unescorted. However, that doesn't mean your (father's) extended family would have the same perspective. It might help if you decide you don't care what they think. At the end of the day, you cannot control how someone thinks. And, no matter what you choose to do, someone may question it. But that shouldn't matter really. Good luck!

blahblah85 · May 2011

I would walk by myself, and not with a brother/uncle/cousin. This will cause more people to ask questions.

If your parents are paying for any part of your wedding I would say let him walk you. Its rude to take his money, then tell him he can't walk you down the aisle because you have personal problems.

theluckiest555 · May 2011

I think it is perfectly acceptable for you to walk down by yourself. Or, if you want, you could have some other important person in your life walk you down the aisle, like your mother, or any siblings. I'm not saying you have to have someone walk you doen the aisle at all, I'm just saying that if you feel wierd about walking alone, your dad does not have to be the one walking with you. I wanted to have both my mom and my dad walk me down the aisle, but the aisle I'm walking down is very small and can't fit three people, haha.

Don't really want my dad involved...

Re: Don't really want my dad involved...

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