Words of encouragement?????

EricnMolly · July 2010

So I'm just looking for words of encouragement from people who have been in my shoes... not trying to be a debbie downer.

Just feeling a bit lost. Pretty much paying for the wedding ourselves. I'm sure Mom & Dad will pitch in where they can but Dad is in real estate (Let me know if you are looking, he is AMAZING in the South Sound!) and the market is slow, so who knows. Nothing I can budget for. That is fine and I appreciate any and all of their help! What makes it tricky is that a ton of our friends and family are getting married this year and early next and we are in most of the weddings so we are having trouble saving money for our wedding with all the airfare, hotels, bridesmaid dresses, tux rentals.

Right now I am focusing on one thing at a time, a venue/date. We started big, looking at Georgetown Ballroom and places like that. I am now scaling it back. We are going to see Mt. Baker Community Club on Tuesday, Fremont Abby Arts Center on Monday. Need a venue for 150-175, would like open catering and full day or even Friday night and Saturday rental as we are doing all the decor, etc ourselves and would love to minimize the stress and inconvenience on the amazing family and friends we have that will help, but need a space that will accommodate a transition between ceremony and reception setup. I am looking at City's Community Centers, clubhouses, anything with potential that will let us keep the music on past 10, LOL.

So, anyway, just had to vent... I am finding it really easy to get down on myself about this. Short on money, short on encouragement. I thought this was supposed to be exciting and fun and a magical time! You have been in my shoes. I KNOW that I will feel better once I secure our venue and date, especially since we are thinking September 2011 and that one year mark is creeping up really fast! Any insight from you experts would be awesome! Maybe I should write Ellen and see if she will sponsor my wedding, ha ha!!! I mean, we have been together 5 years. We are a great couple! You never know, right?

Thanks Ladies!!!

KST_ · July 2010

LOL - I can't vote on TK when I'm at the office, but I wouldn't pick any of your options anyway. :P

We are here for many reasons: advice, support, encouragement, a dose of reality when you need it, suggestions, etc. And one thing we all do is need somewhere "safe" from time to time where we can vent our frustrations, anger, hurt feelings, etc without it likely getting back to the "real life" people. **HUGS**

One thing - it's hard to let go of all the expectations and ideas our culture puts on the entire wedding process. "Magical, fun and exciting," well...I never came across the magical bit past the ring/asking bit, but it's also "stressful, difficult, emotional" for everyone!! I REALLY suggest you kind of avoid a lot of wedding magazines/blogs as they put ideas in your head a lot of times of what you "should" or "have" to do for your wedding, most of which is LOTS of money. Also, go right now to www.apracticalwedding.com and make that site a daily read. It is full of sassy and HONEST advice and sharing. I found so many times that she would put up a post that coincided with my feelings that day and it's another source for how not to feel so alone.

And by the way, I just got married a few weeks ago. We did our entire wedding sticking pretty dang close to a $5k budget. We had a 22 month engagement to save up that much money. The quickest way to blow up or shrink your wedding budget is guest count, and you seem to have QUITE a few! If you can't find any way to shrink that list, then also consider alternate styles of reception that don't need to include a full meal. I did a tea party with just scones (that we baked ahead of time and froze), banana bread (I baked a month ahead), tea sandwiches I ordered from Metro Market, savory pastry bites from Trader Joe's, and the cake for dessert.

jamers22 · July 2010

i'm so sorry that you're having such a tough time right now. i really do feel for ya, and i think everyone has felt down about their wedding at one point or another.

i dont know where you live, but you mentioned the south sound, have you looked into pioneer park pavillion in puyallup? i had a friend that almost booked her wedding there. i think they're pretty reasonable. there's also lake wilderness lodge in maple valley, the renton community center, tukwila community center... there's really a ton of options, you just want to stay away from the "typical" wedding places that everyone thinks about, like the ones that are in the back of Seattle Bride Magazine are usually some pretty popular ones.

if you need any place to vent or need any advice, you've definitely come to the right place! and if you have any questions, just PM me!

mgoss228 · July 2010

I ditto all of KST's advice.

FI and I have 5 or 6 sets of friends (so far, I think others will be getting engaged shortly) who are also getting married in 2011. We are having a 18 month Engagement to help budget and save for our wedding, and be able to attend all of our friends' weddings.

I suggest cruising through Budget-Friendly Wedding Blogs for ideas on how to save. Here are a couple of my favorites:
http://jesslehry.com/bsb/
http://offbeatbride.com/

GL, and I look forward to hearing more about your wedding!

EricnMolly · July 2010

So, I felt like such a baby psoting that. i mean, I almost didn't submit it after I typed it... but I am so glad I did! Thanks Ladies!

jennuinne · July 2010

I agree with pp. This process is way more work, stress, etc. than you ever imagined and very little "magical." Its expensive, and if you're not careful it can get crazy expensive. The best ways to cut are, as pp suggested, limit your guest list. And avoid all the extra "fluff" that people say you have to have. Come up w/ a realistic budget, pick your top 3 priorities and donate more money to those and cut back everything else as much as possible. You may have to tell a few people that you cannot be in their wedding this year, if you can't.

And, I will say that once I picked a venue my insanely crazy level of stress reduced to just a normal level of stress. You have plenty of time. And somehow, things do just start to fall into place.

jennlin · July 2010

i voted stop your whining...but i don't mean it in such a mean way! having a wedding takes sacrafice..weddings are stressful..and that's that. the period of engagement will help you test how strong you are as a couple..and if you pass the test, then you deserve a wedding.

my advice is to buckle down and just start saving.... coffee a day? brew at home. like going out for dinner? cook at home. like wine with dinner? drink water. like movie theatres? redbox it. you/FI/dog/cat needs a haircut? DIY. parents love you? move home.

you only get a wedding once, so make it your dream wedding and don't hold back.

Pixel'sMom · July 2010

I feel ya!
We've been engaged for a year and just set a date due to crazy schedules and everyone else getting married... only now the married ones will have tiny kids when we get married... it's a horrible cycle!

Think positive and decide what's important to both of you. Do you really HAVE to have 150-175 people? Can 90-100 work?

I'm in the same boat myself... actually going to Herb Farm next month and see if maybe we can just do that. The communal table fits only 12-14 so problem solved

KST_ · July 2010

[QUOTEparents love you? move home.
Posted by jennlin[/QUOTE]

Dude, I BUSTED up at this!!! That could only come from you.

jostina2010 · July 2010

Best of luck - everyone on here has great advice!

One thing my FI and I did to save money was move the wedding to the very beginning of October. It was only a couple weeks but saved us big $$ as it got us out of the "wedding season" at our venue. You might check the fringe times - beginning of October in Seattle is usually still a little like summer!

My venue is the Daybreak Star Center in Discovery Park. It holds up to 250, is reasonably priced, comes with some furniture (although their chairs are UGLY), and you can use any caterer you want. http://www.unitedindians.org/daybreak.html

Hope this helps!

jennyann28 · July 2010

PPs have had really good advice. My advice? Cut your guest list. In half. Seriously. Remember that just because someone else invited you to their wedding, doesn't mean you have to invite them to yours. This is hands down the easiest way to save money.

Second, get crafty. I actually DID want a lot of that fluff stuff that isn't really necessary, but I like it. So I just made it myself. I don't recommend DIYing food/cake, or things that are beyond your skill level though.

Good luck!

EricnMolly · July 2010

Hi All,

Thanks for all of your advice. You have been wonderful... and inspiring to say the least! mgoss228 - you sent me to a blog that inspired and calmed and relieved me. Offbeat Bride, well, let's just say that there have been some changes since I read that!

First off all, our original concept had been 6:30 ceremony followed by a cocktail party-style reception. I loved and still love this concept but none of the venues we can afford go with that feel = disappointment. Coming up on the 1 year mark with no venue, no set date, no money, lots of expenses = stress.

So, I had initially been opposed to DIY food, even with having an amazingly gifted family and a Personal Chef and caterer as a future bro-in-law (from Phoenix so can't cater the event). I just didn't want to ask that much of my family and friends, but the blogs article was about DIY food and the question was asked "Does your family throw a great dinner party?"... DUH, I got ENGAGED at their great, amazing, annual St. Patrick's Day Party!, Not to mention my parents have done this meal as a fundraiser before for over 200 people!!! Now, they will not be taking it all on, there will be some adapting for prep before hand and helpers brought in, but it is SO DOABLE!!!

Anyway, that changed it. I would have loved to have gotten married in 2011, but there is no way we can pull this off in 7 months... so March 17th, 2012 it is. Bummed about bumping it out, but it gives us that much more time to save money, make a ton of decor and enjoy the process. PLUS the venues we can afford can totally pull off the vision I have for this!

And NO! No tacky St. Patrick's Day party for me... It is going to be an elegant, romantic wedding with Irish undertones! No green beer, but lots of beer, LOL!!!

So, I can't thank you all enough for cheering me on and pointing me in the right direction! I am super excited about this process now and can already SEE it, you know???? So much to DO! So much to MAKE! So much to order from www.save-on-crafts.com.

And the best part is, this saves me from having to move in with my parents, LOL! Again, thank you all so much! Can’t wait to stay in the loop with all of you and update you all on our progress!!! ~ Molly

Words of encouragement?????

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