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WP "Duties"...

balasjbalasj
100 Comments
in Wedding Party
Hey ladies,

So, I was scoping out the Knot.com's suggested checklist of things I should be doing at this point in time so I can keep organized.  There was an item on there about making your BMs and groomsmen aware of what you expect of them... 

Now, most of the other posts I have seen here really discourage from that and I tend to agree.  Not to mention that, at least for me, our friends have a clue regarding what traditionally is done by everyone involved in a wedding.  Everyone has been in enough weddings by this point and we're all pretty old fashioned and willing to participate in WP "duties" for one another.

So, that being said, I guess I just wanted to confirm that it wasn't necessary to send out details regarding what's "exoected" minus details on attire and all and day of logistics when the time comes...  Assiming no, but again, just trying to stay organized.

Thanks, girls! 
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Re: WP "Duties"...

  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited October 2010
    Of course you don't send your WP a list of duties and expectations.  Have you sent your FI a list of your expectations of him as a husband?  To your coworkers?  Family?  Of course not.  So why would it be okay to do so for the WP?  Plus, wouldn't you rather your friends do things for you out of the goodness of their hearts, not because it was "assigned"?  

    Look at the list--most of the things involve them spending money.  On you.  Preferably from their vendors.  TK is a for-profit corporation that makes its money by convincing brides they have to spend money on everything under the sun, and to encourage their WP to spend as much money as possible.  Take everything they say with a healthy does of skepticism.

    ETA: Just want to add that not only did I not send out said list, I have never received one.  I'd never heard of it before coming on here (or seeing it on Bridezillas).  So it's not like this is going against the grain.
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  • The Mel and Todd ShowThe Mel and Todd Show
    1000 Comments
    I didn't give them duties, but I have put them both on strict diets and birth control.  Is that the sort of thing you're talking about? 

    (purple is sarcasm's color of choice)

    You seem to have your head on straight when it comes to this.  Ignore any advice that says your friends owe you anything additional simply because you've asked them to stand rather than sit at your ceremony, and you'll stay on the right track. 
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    Bloggy Mel.

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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    I can tell you from experience that you get better advice on these boards than you do on TK's site or any wedding magazine.  I never expected to come here, but as you can see from my post number, I practically lived here while planning my wedding (and after). 

    Spreadsheets are the best way to stay organized.
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  • marissa_clairemarissa_claire member
    1000 Comments
    I think your girls will know what to do.  Our advice tends to be "don't expect anything above and beyond showing up the day of in a dress."  Anything beyond that they will hopefully want to do and they will hopefully want to plan parties for you, but it should never be an expectation.  It's nice if they do, but who the heck cares if they don't?
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Details to send out now:

    - Please e-mail or call me with what you can afford for a dress, so that we're sure that we pick something within everyone's budget. Don't forget that it may need alterations, so figure that into your budget as well.

    - Let me know if there are some good dates to go dress shopping. Or if you prefer to try on the finalists at your local salon and e-mail me with your vote, if you would prefer not to go in a group.

    - (once the dress is chosen) Just a reminder, we've decided on [style and designer] in [color and fabric]. The cost is $x. Please place your order at X Bridal Shop by [date] to ensure that you don't need to pay a rush fee. The salon offers alterations for $x, or you can take it to a local tailor of your choice. Please let me know if there are any problems or concerns with this plan.

    Details to send out later:

    - [your choice of neutral color] shoes would go best with the dress, so please pick our your own shoes in this color. [Optional: Please wear a strappy sandal/pump/flat - but you don't have to mandate the shoe style.] As for jewelry, [I'm providing it/wear whatever you want in x-color metal/wear whatever you want].

    - I'm getting my hair and makeup done at X Salon, if you want to join me. The cost is $x. Otherwise, feel free to use your own stylist or do your own hair and makeup. [Or, alternatively, "I would like to treat you to professional hair and makeup at X Salon. Please let me know if you'd rather not do this.]

    - I'd like us all to meet at the hotel/my parents' house at x o'clock to start getting dressed together and taking photos. There will be bagels and juice for breakfast.
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  • lalap69lalap69 member
    1000 Comments
    No, you don't need to - and shouldn't be - sending out any such lists.  TK is looking out for their advertisers, not your friendships.
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    "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wp-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:a1c95031-d428-4fdd-ab80-aaf667d57df8Post:257f1d3a-5812-482e-bdc2-1409d02bf575">Re: WP "Duties"...</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I didn't give them duties, but I have put them both on strict diets and birth control.  Is that the sort of thing you're talking about?</strong>   (purple is sarcasm's color of choice) You seem to have your head on straight when it comes to this.  Ignore any advice that says your friends owe you anything additional simply because you've asked them to stand rather than sit at your ceremony, and you'll stay on the right track. 
    Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]

    ::snort:: this made me CQTM. Thanks for making this dull afternoon a little more lively. And not just because you used bright purple font.
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  • bdulli13bdulli13 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_wp-duties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:a1c95031-d428-4fdd-ab80-aaf667d57df8Post:257f1d3a-5812-482e-bdc2-1409d02bf575">Re: WP "Duties"...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't give them duties, but I have put them both on strict diets and birth control.  Is that the sort of thing you're talking about?   (purple is sarcasm's color of choice) You seem to have your head on straight when it comes to this.  Ignore any advice that says your friends owe you anything additional simply because you've asked them to stand rather than sit at your ceremony, and you'll stay on the right track. 
    Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]


    hahahahahahahahaha :-)
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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