Mother issues

cuteinpink8 · September 2010

so i am half jewish and half catholic and my mom and my step dad were soposed to pay for a good part of the wedding. I found this really nice church that i would love to have my cerimony in and my mom doesnt want me to have it in a church and she said that i would have to pay for my wedding without their help... im really close to my mom but the fact that she will be soo upset if we have it in a church rips me apart ..... i really love this church and want to have my dream wedding but i also dont want my relationship between my mom and i to be stressed... what do i do.... help me

bbyckes · September 2010

Pay for your wedding yourself and have your wedding where you want.

The person who holds the pocketbook pulls the strings. Your mom is pulling. If you don't want to go in her direction, cut them purse strings. I have a feeling though you're mainly concerned about your mom continuing to fund your dream wedding rather than her disappointment in you having a church wedding.

cuteinpink8 · September 2010

its not so easy to cut the strings because im a student and can use all the help i can get... but i do love my mom dearly and dont want her to be mad at me and enjoy the moment where her one and only daughter gets married

bbyckes · September 2010

Then I guess you have your wedding in another location that your mother approves.

skippylouwho · September 2010

Do you want to get married to your FI or do you want a dream wedding? If being married to your FI is what is important to you, do what you can afford. If it's the dream wedding then let mama pay for it and control it and you.

mysticl · September 2010

I take it your mom is the Jewish parent. I have many Jewish friends and their parents would have the same reaction to the idea of a church wedding. And some of their relatives might refuse to attend.

Have you actually approached the church about your wedding? Just asking because many churches require at least one member of the couple to be a member of that church or at least of that faith. And your post makes it sound like you just found a pretty church you want to use. I'd make sure this venue is actually an option before you go ten rounds with your mother over it.

Personally I say it's one thing to fight your mother if this is the church you attend every Sunday and is the faith you believe in with all of your heart. But if it's just a pretty building to you isn't your relationship with your mother more important?

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

Ditto bbycakes. Pretty much your only options are to refuse her money or accept her demands. It sucks, but such is life. All that's required to get married are two consenting adults and a marriage license.

bibliophile2010 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_mother-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:e8f8b36c-fe77-4dc8-8a0a-da7d282711bdPost:e28286d1-20ae-4c0b-92f5-c2d351b8984b">Re: Mother issues</a>:
[QUOTE] Personally I say it's one thing to fight your mother if this is the church you attend every Sunday and is the faith you believe in with all of your heart. But if it's just a pretty building to you isn't your relationship with your mother more important?
Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]

This.

impslave · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_mother-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:e8f8b36c-fe77-4dc8-8a0a-da7d282711bdPost:94b4a0d2-c9ac-4362-aefe-9bb4896fa783">Mother issues</a>:
[QUOTE]so i am half jewish and half catholic and my mom and my step dad were soposed to pay for a good part of the wedding. I found this really nice church that i would love to have my cerimony in and my mom doesnt want me to have it in a church and she said that i would have to pay for my wedding without their help... im really close to my mom but the fact that she will be soo upset if we have it in a church rips me apart ..... i really love this church and want to have my dream wedding but i also dont want my relationship between my mom and i to be stressed... what do i do.... help me
Posted by cuteinpink8[/QUOTE]

<div>Just in case.</div>

2dBride · September 2010

If you are old enough to get married, you are too old to consider yourself "half jewish and half catholic." What (if anything) is your religion (as opposed to your parents')? If you consider yourself Jewish, it makes no sense to have your wedding in a church. If you consider yourself Catholic, you either need to have your wedding in a Catholic church (not just any church) or get special dispensation to have it elsewhere. If you don't have a religion, are Jewish, or are Protestant, you can simplify things and save money by having your ceremony and reception in the same place.

And if you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to figure out how to pay for your wedding yourself. If you are currently a student and dependent on your parents' support, that may mean postponing your wedding until you have finished school. But if you want a "dream wedding" and plan to be with him for life, waiting a few years should not be a big deal.

MamaSally · September 2010

As a MOB I can say these are the kinds of things that can cause real problems with your relationship with your mom and needs to be handled carefully. Try a heart to heart talk with her. Remembering that she has offered to pay, you can tell her that you love her, but the fact that she is holding the purse strings doesn't mean you have no say in the planning. This reminds me of some of the Say Yes to The Dress episodes. Just because someone is writing the check, doesn't mean that person can tell you what to wear, or in your case, where to get married. This is your wedding not hers. Maybe you can compromise in another area.

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