Pre-wedding Parties

Rehersal Dinner

So we are getting married on Saturday August 7th. The rehersal for the ceremony is Friday August 6th and the groom's mother is hosting the rehersal dinner at her house. However, she wants to have the dinner the Thursday before the wedding because she says she will be too tired the night before the wedding. She has already sent out the invitiations with this information on them. The major issue here is, the groom cannot be there on Thursday night. He has a commitment that he cannot get out of and I am uncomfortable going to a rehersal dinner for me and my fiance alone. I think that is a very strange request to be made of me. If we move the rehersal dinner to Friday night (the night of the rehersal and the night before the wedding), both the bride and groom will be there, not to mention, out of town guests and wedding party who work and cannot come into town until Friday. HELP!

Re: Rehersal Dinner

  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I don't really know how one has a "rehearsal" dinner BEFORE the actual rehearsal.

    Does she know that her son can't make the "dinner"?  Your FI needs to have a "come to Jesus" meeting with his mom and change the day of the event. 

    Having it when the groom can't be there is just plain silly.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    I think so too. Yes, she knows he cannot be there and she just doesnt care, she was joking that I should get a life size cut out of him so I didnt get lonely at the diner. It is not like I am needy and have to have him there, its just that this is a dinner for the two of us, not her. So you think I should let him handle it with his mom and stay out of him. The only problem is, he doesnt really care if he is there or not.
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    His mom.  He handles it.  And he damn well should care about whether he can be at his own RD.  If he truly doesn't care, I think you have bigger issues than a dinner party.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_rehersal-dinner-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:9cc4fa74-25e4-45bb-b6a7-82968359cf73Post:cb54884b-29cd-4a65-9fed-62159d7ebeb3">Rehersal Dinner</a>:
    [QUOTE]So we are getting married on Saturday August 7th. The rehersal for the ceremony is Friday August 6th and the groom's mother is hosting the rehersal dinner at her house. However, she wants to have the dinner the Thursday before the wedding because she says she will be too tired the night before the wedding. She has already sent out the invitiations with this information on them. The major issue here is, the groom cannot be there on Thursday night. He has a commitment that he cannot get out of and I am uncomfortable going to a rehersal dinner for me and my fiance alone. I think that is a very strange request to be made of me. If we move the rehersal dinner to Friday night (the night of the rehersal and the night before the wedding), both the bride and groom will be there, not to mention, out of town guests and wedding party who work and cannot come into town until Friday. HELP!
    Posted by brookeb10[/QUOTE]


    JIC
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If it doesn't follow your rehearsal then it's really not a rehearsal dinner.  Call it the welcome dinner, go by yourself, and host your own rehearsal dinner for just the WP, their SOs, and your immediate families somewhere else on Friday evening.
    Married 10/2/10
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Q2 is 100% correct.  Listen to her wise counsel.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited December 2011
    That is a good idea, we are basically doing that already because we have made our own plans for out of town friends and the wedding party to go out after the rehearsal so I think that is a great suggestion. It is not that he does not care about me, our relationship or the marriage, that is not what I meant. I meant that, like most guys, he is just going with the flow of the wedding, he does not care how we get married or about any of the wedding details. he would be happy if we just went to the courthouse, he just wants to marry me. He might have come across as not caring at all with that comment but he really does, in his defense. Thanks for the suggestions.
  • pulga131pulga131 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Talk to your FMIL and explain that the rehearsal dinner is supposed to be after a rehearsal.  THe rehearsal is set for Friday and cannot be changed.  Even further- her son can't make it on THursday.  Suggest that the rehearsal dinner be set at a restaurant if she is too tired to do it on Friday.  Also talk to your FI and/or parents and see if you could host the RD yourselves or maybe host at your parents house and FMIL pays and suggest that you move the location.  The only reason I could imagine she would be too tired is that she would have to clean up after everything.  Simply having a dinner and a little social hour the night before the wedding wont kill anyone.  In fact, I found it quite relaxing.  We had our RD at a restaurant.  
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    I think your FI  needs to explain to his mom what an RD actually is.
  • JenO24JenO24 member
    500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Your fiance needs to have a chat w/ his clueless mother.  If her only excuse is becuase she'll be too tired the day before the wedding...whose wedding is it - not hers.  It's a great offer for her to host the RD, but it doesnt make any sense like the other ladies said and are most definitely right, its not a RD w/o the bride and groom and w/ it not being the day of the rehearsal.  It's none of my business, but I personally think that if your FMIL is not heavily financially supporting this wedding then she really doesn't have much room to make such demands.
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