LGBT Guest + Holy Rollers... an etiquette question

Re: LGBT Guest + Holy Rollers... an etiquette question

• julielyford member

  

  September 2012

  The fact that you have given them a heads up on the possible 'drama' is a great first step.  Your GLBT friends are used to dealing with the Tea Party etc. jerks so will be able to deal with it to an extent.  If you have a dj I would give them a heads up so they can throw in/interupt with a fun song or a game if something does come up.
  
  If you think it may be a REAL issue, I'd have a second FUN party later where everyone can let their hair down and just have fun with you and the groom.
  
  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_gay-weddings_lgbt-guest-holy-rollers-an-etiquette-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:44Discussion:a1cb09d5-312b-45c7-9fa6-3e05ae1e80a3Post:2fc4b0a4-1e24-4ffc-8be3-ced47b3410ab">LGBT Guest + Holy Rollers... an etiquette question</a>:
  [QUOTE]Hi! My name is Amber and I'm getting married June 22nd 2013. I thought I may get a more honest response posting on this forum rather than the ettiquette one. My fiance and I have many friends who we would love to share our special day with us and some of those friends just happen to be gay. One of my sisters, who is one of my bridesmaids, is a lesbian, though most people in our family don't know that. While there are all these people we want at our wedding, there is a ton of family that we have to invite out of obligation. Of those, they are very outspoken, opinionated, Tea Party, homophobes. I am terrified of them making a scene at my wedding, or terrorizing my friends that I love so dearly, or even further hurting my sister (they're her family too) I'm hoping that because of the nature of the event, they'll bite their tongues, eat their cake and just leave, but what can I do to help neutralize the situation if they decide to turn it into a rally of some sort? I am warning my friends of the situation before they come, but at the same time, I don't want them to not be able to be themselves or to not enjoy themselves because they're afraid to dance with their partner, hold hands, etc. Any advice will be appreciated!!!
  Posted by A&B2013[/QUOTE]

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• amandawetz

  

  September 2012

  If I were in this situation, and I very well may be since I have a few conservative family members and am in a same sex relationship, I would hire security if they don't already come with the venue. Maybe this is too extreme, but this is YOUR day to celebrate and enjoy yourself. It is also your sister's day to celebrate and enjoy herself. No one should have to police their actions or make sure that they aren't stepping on any toes during a wedding of someone who is important in your life.

  Most places do offer security with the venue, and I would take it if I were you. Let them know that there may be people who cause a fuss, even go so far as to point them out on the day of, and if trouble starts rising then the security person can step in to say a quiet word and nip it in the bud.

  Alternatively, you can assign a good friend or family member the role of drama diffuser if you're not willing to hire security. Once you have these preventative measures in place, go about your day as you normally would, and hopefully by acting as if nothing is amiss and this is all very normal (which it is!!) the more conservative guests will remember their manners and suck it up.

  If people don't like it, then they can leave. Say that you're honestly sorry that they didn't have a good time, but you're not going to let anyone ruin you and your new spouse's special day.

  
  

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• lovelybride614 member

  

  September 2012

  I completely agree with Amandawetz. This is too important of an event to risk the drama. Are you certain you have to invite them at all? I understand they are your family but if they love you, they'll love you and your sis no matter what. I think you need to have a neutral person there to difuse ANY situation that may arise. You LGBT friends should be able to celebrate your special day too without having to monitor their every move. Hope this helps... I understand how tough of a situation you are in

  

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• jaesgirl member

  

  October 2012

  Honestly, i have been in this situation before and with a bunch of catholics...i think your family will keep their composure more than you think. Its going to be a situation where the critisizing will happen after the wedding. You will get the comments and attitude after trust me. At the wedding there probably wont be much interaction between your family and friends. They wont be on the dance floor together but then again you never know after a few drinks. I went to my ex-gf sisters wedding and it went great. After drinks her aunts even made me feel like part of the family shoot lol. Your stressed because of the wedding and thats understanding but enjoy your day...remember its YOUR DAY

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• honeylips member

  

  October 2012

  I think you did a good thing by giving LGBT guests a heads up on who will be there. I feel you should also warn your "Holy Rollers" guests also. My friend just went through this and she warned everyone. I will be doing the same when me and my girlfriend get married. This way everyone knows what they are getting into, and if anyone has aproblem with who you invite the can stay home. A few of my friends relatives did not show up, but at the end of the day it was proly for the best. Everyone got invited and the ones that showed up knew what they where going to a wedding and to respect that we where all ther to celebrate love. I also agree with jaesgirl, on the day of the wedding everyone was on there best behavior, it was afterward that all the gossip started. Good Luck on your big day hope this helps. 

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