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I'm really happy for her BUT...

flygirlmegflygirlmeg
1000 Comments
in Not Engaged Yet
I just got an email from my little cousin (7-ish year younger than me) that she just got engaged this weekend.  

As happy as I am for them, I also feel, completely selfishly, really, really sad.  My oldest brother is married.  My next oldest brother got engaged last December and is getting married in September.  My little sister got engaged in January and got married in May.  And my OTHER little cousin (the brother of the girl that just got engaged) is also married.  Aaaaaand so many of our friends are getting married . . . I think we've been to 8 weddings in the past two years and we have 4 or 5 more this year alone!!

I know it's wrong, I know it's awful, I know it's completely silly - but I can't help feeling sad and like I'll be the last one to get married and, well, a little bit like damaged goods or something that I'm still not married or engaged.  

BF and I are very much in love and have so many amazing things happening right now and I know - in the logical side of my head - that he'll ask soon enough and we'll have our own day and all that.  But right now that logical side is losing the battle and I'm just really sad.  Ugh.  
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Re: I'm really happy for her BUT...

  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It's ok to be sad, privately, for a little while.  Fighting those feelings will only make them worse.

    So indulge yourself quietly for a bit, then go back and re-read the part of your post that says "BF and I are very much in love and have so many amazing things happening right now and I know - in the logical side of my head - that he'll ask soon enough and we'll have our own day and all that" and just be glad that you still that (your own day) to look forward to.
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  • Hazel_BHazel_B member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Don't feel sad! Listen to your logical side, it's got all the facts.

    I understand how you feel though. I'll be turning 30 soon and I've seen weddings and babies, new houses, etc. of those around me and it can be tough. What always made me feel better, I think cause my mom told me this when I was feeling down, is that I prioritized differently. Compared to a lot of my friends and family, I've done a lot and experienced a lot in my life that they haven't. Would I have given up my travelling to be married sooner? Nope. Just because my experiences aren't the societal norm doesn't mean that they aren't valid or important. Taking a different route has made me appreciate what I have now more.

    I know that I don't know you well, but I have a feeling you can relate to that. Reflect on the good things that you've done up to now.
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    *hugs*

    Be sad for another 10 minutes.  Then let your logical side win the argument in your head.  Elle and Hazel really said it all.  I don't have much to add. 
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I think it's normal to be sad, or disappointed that it's not you, for a little while.  But then think about all the amazing things that you and BF do have, and logical or not, marriage or not,...don't they just make you grin?   

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  • NurseyKNurseyK
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Just keep believing that your day is coming!
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  • Ollie08Ollie08 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I definitely think Elle said it best. Once I realized that marriage is not a race, and understanding that once we're engaged, I will no longer be a GF. It's ok to be sad for a minute on your own, and then kick those feelings to the curb and remember what's most important. You seem like you really know all of this anyway, but I think hearing it again sometimes helps the logical side win. Anyway, hang in there!

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  • Sparrow87Sparrow87
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry it's got you bummed out.  I think a lot of people get that way sometimes.  It's easier for me because I'm not ready for marriage/motherhood yet, so when I get that thought in my head it passes rather quickly.  I think that if you indulge yourself a bit and then remember that your time is coming you might feel better sooner.

    ETA: Aren't you getting ready for a house soon?  That's exciting isn't it?! 
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  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    The choices you've made in the past all lead up to your present.

    Do you like your life? Do you like who you are?

    If yes, then stop worrying about other people. Do the things that are right for you in the time that is right for you.

    If no, then start taking action to correct that. 

    It really is that simple. :)


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  • flygirlmegflygirlmeg
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Whew, thank you so much all!!  I'm putting the pity-party-pants back in the closet and putting my 4th of July party-pants on!!  I hate that I had that initial reaction to my cousin's wonderful news but I'm all ready to get over it.  We're packing this morning, will close on the house and start moving first thing tomorrow morning, and will spend the afternoon and evening on the boat with our family and friends.  Yay July 4th and yay our anniversary!!!  Thanks again!!
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  • Ollie08Ollie08 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-really-happy-her-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b0efda98-43ab-43ad-9877-56f90a5f9c8ePost:051b2ec3-92aa-4464-b7e5-4bb1d0132611">Re: I'm really happy for her BUT...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Whew, thank you so much all!!  I'm putting the pity-party-pants back in the closet and putting my 4th of July party-pants on!!  I hate that I had that initial reaction to my cousin's wonderful news but I'm all ready to get over it.  We're packing this morning, will close on the house and start moving first thing tomorrow morning, and will spend the afternoon and evening on the boat with our family and friends.  <strong>Yay July 4th and yay our anniversary!!!</strong>  Thanks again!!
    Posted by flygirlmeg[/QUOTE]

    That's right! Happy Anniversary! Have fun today.

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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-really-happy-her-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:b0efda98-43ab-43ad-9877-56f90a5f9c8ePost:2d8d8f07-e9eb-4857-9920-9cc20f01914b">Re: I'm really happy for her BUT...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm really happy for her BUT... : That's right! Happy Anniversary! Have fun today.
    Posted by Ollie08[/QUOTE]

    This.
    I look forward to hearing how your evening went!
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  • perkins81perkins81
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-really-happy-her-but?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:b0efda98-43ab-43ad-9877-56f90a5f9c8ePost:d21ca630-136d-4535-891a-0553d2aa1bad">Re: I'm really happy for her BUT...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Don't feel sad! Listen to your logical side, it's got all the facts. I understand how you feel though. I'll be turning 30 soon and I've seen weddings and babies, new houses, etc. of those around me and it can be tough. What always made me feel better, I think cause my mom told me this when I was feeling down, is that I prioritized differently. Compared to a lot of my friends and family, I've done a lot and experienced a lot in my life that they haven't. Would I have given up my travelling to be married sooner? Nope. Just because my experiences aren't the societal norm doesn't mean that they aren't valid or important. Taking a different route has made me appreciate what I have now more. I know that I don't know you well, but I have a feeling you can relate to that. Reflect on the good things that you've done up to now.
    Posted by Hazel_B[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for sharing! I've also traveled a lot - as a single person - and my current BF is actually my first serious relationship (and I'll be 30 this year!). Most of my friends are engaged, married, or having babies and sometimes I feel like there's something wrong with me since I'm one of the last who still isn't engaged or married. But you've reminded me that I've done a TON of things that my friends only dream of doing and will probably never get to do. Thanks for the reality check! :)
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  • lavenderfields13lavenderfields13 member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Glad to hear you'll feeling better. It's totally OK to throw yourself a mini pity party and then move on. Yay for moving in to the new house and happy anniversary!
     




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  • becunning2becunning2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Like others have said, it's okay to acknowledge that you're sad and a bit jealous--it's normal enough. You do have super exciting things to be looking forward to though, and you're happy with your boyfriend. All good things!  I can really relate to the being sad bit.  Several of my friends are having babies, and I had a big ol' wave of wanting kiddos when I went shopping for a friend's shower and was sad about it.  Course, if I had a kiddo, I wouldn't have spent all day lounging around reading and knitting this afternoon.  Kiddos will come.  In the meantime, today rocked.
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  • Peaseblossom55Peaseblossom55 mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Happy anniversay and forth of july.  Your will come I'm sure, I know private it's ok to feel sad but your day will come and think of all of the great things goin on in life now!

    Anniversary

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  • loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    It's never a race to get to the various milestones in life.

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  • sapphirebouquetsapphirebouquet
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Like my BF told me when my sister decided to announce her pregnancy the same weekend as my brother's daughter's baptism: at least now, all the attention will be on you when you get engaged and married! There won't be anybody to "steal your thunder".

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