Guest list worrRRRAAGH HULK SMASH

aerinpegadrak · December 2009

Two things in one, since no one likes a post whore.

1) In talking with my mom, she casually mentioned that her husband's kids had been planning on going to the wedding, until they found out it was a Friday. "Oh, okay," was my response, as I tactfully avoided mentioning that I had no intention of inviting my stepsiblings on either side. My parents remarried after I left for college, I have precisely zero relationship with any of the stepkids. (I couldn't even tell you how many kids my stepmom has.) FI's stepsiblings are on the guest list, but his dad remarried when he was 9, he lived with them for a couple of years recently, and we see them on a semi-regular basis.

So do I send them invitations anyway? We can just barely accommodate the extra six people from my stepdad's kids (who I've at least met) in case they do decide to come. I don't really want to, but now I feel like I have to or they'll get all butthurt.

2) I'm putting my foot down in regards to children. It's just not happening. My mom is trying to say that I have to invite my brother's stepdaughters, but if I do that, then I have to invite FI's stepbrother's stepdaughter, and probably FI's niece and his giant mess of cousins as well. The guest list simply cannot accommodate an extra ten people, pint sized or no (especially if I do get guilted into the stepsiblings). It's not a matter of cost, it's a matter of physical space. We wanted a kid-free wedding from the start, and I can't start extending invitations to certain kids under the assumption that "they probably won't come." (I'm starting to hate that phrase.)

So, no kids. How do I let people know? I don't think I can just wait until the invites go out sans kids' names, because it's a DW and I don't want people to make travel arrangements for people who aren't invited. I can probably find them a babysitter for the reception if they insist on bringing the little ones, but it's the Vegas strip so childcare isn't exactly plentiful. (STDs already went out by e-mail, so they weren't addressed to anyone but the account holder. Yeah, I blew that one.)

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

For the kids, you need to put your foot down. Tell your mom that 1) it's Vegas and not kid appropriate and 2) if you invite some kids, you're going to end up having to invite them all. At this point, I would spread it by word of mouth and put a note on your website with all the other travel info. But whothehell takes kids to Vegas anyway?

For your step-siblings, I don't think you have to invite them, especially if you don't have a relationship with them. I sort of see them on par with first cousins. Only you know if they are going to get pissy about not being invited.

goheels05 · December 2009

Haha love the post title.

1) I wouldn't. I can't stand presumptuous people!

2) Gosh, I don't know. You'd think people would get the hint--hey this wedding is in VEGAS, it's not exactly a "family with small children" event, but I guess they aren't! I would just drop it in conversation when it comes up--"yeah, we'll miss the kids, but it's going to be a more adult-oriented reception, it's a great chance to get away from the kids for a while and really have some fun!"

brownhenry · December 2009

Haha woooooooahhhhhhh!!! You definately have some serious issues lol.

About the kid thing I was at a wedding recently that had 'adult only reception'

That is a good way to put it just say that its an adult only wedding and reception if someone rsvps back with 3 and you know they have a young child you can call and politely say that children are not invited because of the venue policy or something.

SarahPLiz · December 2009

1- Don't invite them. Especially if they said they couldn't come anyway. My Step dad's brothers and sisters (all 12 of them, plus spouses) might think they are being invited, but they are mistaken. I only know one of them.. and most of hte time I can't remember her name.

2- We are having kids at our wedding, but we arent getting married in Vegas, so no judging here. I'd say put it at the same place on the ivite where you would put "black tie".. just put "adults only". Others may disagree with me, but that's really the only way to make sure it gets out, especially if you think your mother will be undermining you.

stinkerbell6879 · December 2009

1) Nope...no invite

2) If anyone mentions bringing kids...Just have a list of babysitters that THEY can call, they will get the hint

jeannigirl · December 2009

I just don't get why family members dicitates on your wedding it just is insane.
You and FI are going to have to take the bull by the horns and state that it is an Adult affair in Vegas and their are no children invited other than who is in the WP.

Its just going to be a common thing that there will be people that will get upset that they are not invited. They will have to learn that life just happens like that and they will need to learn to understand and if they don't its their problem not yours.
Your have to do what you want and can accomendate within yours budget that you set for the wedding.

I would address invites to MR & Mrs last name. Don't adress has family if they have children. Include an RSVP that indicates two places have been reserved for you please Respond by such and such date.

If those dumbells (sorry) don't get it and they include their children then you will need to call them and say that you are only have adults at the W&R. They can accept or decline that offer. Don't let yourself be guilted into anything. Apolize if you have to for any misunderstanding. (even if you know that its totally clear to you it may not be for them)

Andrea-Nicole · December 2009

Love the title! hahaha

I agree with what alot of people say Vegas really isn't kid friendly.
And about your stepsiblings, that's all on you and your relationship with them. We are only inviting relatives we care about and know that they care about us back.
Good luck.

goheels05 · December 2009

You actually aren't supposed to put "adult only" or anything like it on the invitation. You let guests know that it's adult only by only writing their names on the inviation and not the names of their children. Her problem is that since this is a destination wedding, she's worried guests are going to book flights for themselves and their children before the invitations go out, assuming that their children are invited.

jenn.daniel · December 2009

1. don't invite them
2. unless your wedding is at Disney, I don't see why people assume kids are invited. Make a point to talk to these people and casually mention say something like, "I this the first time little Bobby will be away from his parents for the whole weekend?" or "I hope Susie doesn't throw a party when she's home alone and you're in Vegas!"

megk8oz · December 2009

I'm feeling particularly "Screw everyone" tonight, so I'm going to say don't invite the step-sibs (If it helps, FI didn't invite his 2 step-bros ... that we actually both forget he sometimes has since FI only met them once-at the parents' wedding) and put your foot down on the kids.

Actually, I'm not going to lie, even if I was in more of a puppies and rainbows room, I'd say the same thing, just nicer, lol.

danieliza1127 · December 2009

1) Don't invite them. You weren't planning on it anyway, so her saying they can't come anyway is all fine and good. Stick with your original plan.

2) Since it's a DW, you may want to contact all of the people with kids and politely let them know that this is an adults only event. This may affect who comes and who doesn't, but the sooner you let them know the better in case people start making flight arrangements. I personally wouldn't go to the trouble of trying to find a babysitter in Vegas. That would be really difficult and I don't know many parents who would be comfortable leaving their kids with a complete stranger in Las Vegas.

Anon I. Mouse · December 2009

1. Only invite people you actually WANT there. Even if you know they can't come anyway, don't invite them just to be polite or what have you. Don't invite people out of guilt or pressure. Bound to cause trouble later. Granted if someone else is paying for your wedding (not sure if they are) it can be tougher to say "no" (which is why I advocate paying for your own...ha) however boundaries need to be set. I have to say, sometimes, when it comes to guest lists, you need to balance being fair and compassionate with being a bit cold and confident in what you and FI want. I did not invite my father to mine or a couple of my stepsiblings (others I did) as I am not close to them, and did not want them there, for example. Yes they are related by blood, whereas other guests I invited aren't, but I donot want them there for many reasons and I do want the ones I did invite!

2. I would address the invites to the adults (parents) and not kids. If they still bring kids they can find their own babysitters. I mean, sure Vegas is not "kid friendly" but then on the other hand they sometimes market it as "family fun". And, while I think there needs to be a lot of talk with kids about some of the aspects of Vegas, it's not the worst place to take them and not unheard of. I know people who take their kids to Vegas and haul them to see The Lion King or gawk at the "Eiffel Tower" (cheaper then taking them to the real deal!) or go on a day trip to the Grand Canyon or the Hoover Dam. I always see kids when I am there. So, some will still take their kids.

If the guest list is small enough, you can talk to each guest personally that has children. We only have 18 guests (we are also doing a DW), so we talked to each one individually about the wedding - we did not have to worry about children, however we did have other stuff we had to talk about and we just did it personally.

ashleypastori · December 2009

Cute title! LOL

Definately do not invite the step-siblings if you're not close to them. It's possible that the Friday thing was an excuse to get out of going if your mom expected them to be there and they didn't want to come.

If we were invited to a wedding in Vegas, we probably would make a family vacation out of it and go to the grand canyon or something. Definately let everyone know that the kids aren't invited to the wedding or reception before they book flights and hotel rooms. They may want to bring their own sitter.

salt78 · December 2009

I friggin' LOVE the title of this post. I just ell oh elled in my office.

aerinpegadrak · December 2009

I'm very glad I could amuse everyone. See, this is why I love the Knot: I know that when people agree with me here, you're not just blowing smoke up my bum.

There's still that little part of me that thinks that it won't hurt anything to invite the steps since they aren't coming anyway, but alcohol will shut up that part nicely. I'll just stick to my story that we're over capacity (we're not actually, but getting quite close) and that unless my mom can do some tinkering with Newtonian physics, the guest list is now locked.

mocha beans · December 2009

I'm a big fan of the title, you have no idea. It made for an awesome mental image.

That's all, I'm sure you've gotten some good advice by now :-)

Guest list worrRRRAAGH HULK SMASH

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