How do you and IL's/FI or H and your parents get along?

tayylor65 · April 2011

After reading various things on here and having personal experiences/knowing different situations, I'm genuinely curious what most IL relationships tend to be like.

Do you and your FMIL or SIL have a relationship outside of family gatherings and your FI by getting lunch together, making calls to catch up and really having a friendship?

Do you and your FMIL/SIL get along really well and love each other but don't see one another aside from holidays/dinners/things FI plans?

Do you and FMIL/SIL like each other but not enough/don't "click" well enough to go beyond small talk when you see each other, just to be polite and keep things amicable?

Do you guys hate each other and avoid contact at all cost?

I'm also curious about the other side...however way you feel towards your IL's, does your SO feel the same way with your family or is it completely different?

sherrbearr22 · April 2011

I get along with FILs so well it's unbelievable. I was just at their house on Sunday playing board games with them and FFIL comes over and puts his arm around me and said "I love you, sweetie, I'm so glad you're here." I can talk to FILs about anything and I love it! We have gone on trips together and we're going on a diving trip together to Fiji in 2012!

FI also gets along with my parents. We all get together at minimum, once a week to hang out, have dinner, go to a movie, etc.

I'm beyond blessed to have such amazing people in my life!

Wiscisbliss · April 2011

My ILs live 8 hours away and they have only come to visit for our wedding. When we go to visit them, they do not take time off from work. They very rarely call H, and do not return our calls promptly if ever. I am polite/cordial/nice to them and I do like them, but I do not think that they are interested in much of a relationship.

H and my family get along very well. We sometimes joke that he is the favorite child

He is just a good fit in the family. The communication is much more present and we see them more often.

maratea · April 2011

I am trying to be nice- I despise MIL and SIL. They are manipulative wenches. StepFIL is ok, but MIL has his balls in a vicegrip.
FIL is the most awesome person evar, unfortunately he lives on the other side of the country so we don't see him often.

H gets along with my parents really well, and he's told me many times he always prefers spending time with my family over his. It does make me a little sad that he doesn't have a better relationship with his family, but those vindictives bitches dug their own graves.

ETA: H and my brother get along really well too. H gets along with all of my family, immediate and extended, so well that his interests have started aligning with theirs. Mainly in the manly outdoors/guns department. Sigh.

aprovencher21 · April 2011

My H gets along exceedingly well with my family. We live about 8 minutes from my parents and we see them usually twice a week for dinner. He calls my mom "mom" and my dad "dad." H and I have been together for 8 years so he's been in my sister's life for a little less then half of her existence. She considers him another big brother and they are really close. My brother is the same with my H. He texts them and talks with them frequently. He also does things with my father such as fishing trips, beer fests, etc. I love how well he gets along in my family.

His family isn't really fond of me and I I'm not fond of them. My FMIL has gone out of her way to be nasty to me and even when she's in a good mood towards me I don't trust her. I call her by her first name, no way in hell would I call her mom. I would never do anything with her if H wasn't present. H doesn't have a sister but has an asshole of a brother. Since he ruined our rehearsal dinner and made my wedding day stressful I haven't spoken to him. H has only seen and talked to him at their grandfather's funeral. I don't give a flying fig if I ever talk to that pathetic man-child again. We live about 2 hours from them so thankfully our interactions are limited.

[Deleted User] · April 2011

I chose the second, but only because my ILs live several states away. If they lived here, I'm sure we would hang out much more often. I love them, and H gets along great with my family. We both got really lucky and married into families we love.

azdancer8 · April 2011

I enjoy spending time with DH's family more than my own. Part of that is because my family lives far away, but mostly my inlaws are just more fun. I see them at least once a week, typically. His entire family is just wonderful.

From DH's perspective - he likes my dad (but I think is still slightly intimidated), but we have an agreement that I won't leave him alone for too long with my mom. She talks his ear off. And he gets along well with my siblings, but again, they live too far away to really interact with very often.

annakb8 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ilsfi-h-parents-along?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:18cac5de-d437-4c8e-8d49-8d338583a6a5Post:aec337e7-36a9-431c-89bf-ca93f8303c6b">Re: How do you and IL's/FI or H and your parents get along?</a>:
[QUOTE]I chose the second, but only because my ILs live several states away. If they lived here, I'm sure we would hang out much more often. I love them, and H gets along great with my family. We both got really lucky and married into families we love.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

Pretty much the same for me. Sesh, we could trade places and then we'd both be closer to our in-laws!

SEWF · April 2011

Me and my IL's would probably be closer, but they live across the country, so we don't get to see them often. As it is, I chose option 2, but it would be option 1 if they lived in the same city as us.

ETA: My H gets along with my family, but is intimidated by the sheer number. There are usually 20-25 people at any occasion, and we get together probably once a month.

cdavislynn · April 2011

I get along well with the FILs in most respects. We see them a lot because we live in the same town and FI's family is really close, and mine is 3000 miles away. I get annoyed with little things sometimes, but we get along well. I go do things with his sisters and mom a lot without him. But, I don't confide anything in them, and don't have a "friendship" like relationship. I wish my FI was around my family more so that they knew him the way his family knows me.

laurenclaire1386 · April 2011

H was raised by his grandparents, so it's a little like having two sets of inlaws. H's grandmother was notoriously crabby, but she always like me a lot. She died in '08 though. H's granddad has always been super sweet to me and treated me like his own family since day 1. Same with H's mom. H and his mom don't have the most stellar relationship, but they do ok. She's just very recently (the last five years or so) begun to show a real interest in his life, so it's kind of strange for him. H has been in the same room with his dad 3 times in 27 years, one of which was our wedding. He's an alright guy and he and H are trying to build a relationship. FIL seemed really genuinely happy for us at the wedding.

H and my brother were friends long before H and I were a couple. H fits in really well with my whole family. They love him too.

SCBojangles1138 · April 2011

I really like my IL's. We have so a really good time together-I feel like one of the family when I'm with them, however we live 5 hours apart. I'm not good at staying in touch/calling just to say hi, in addition to the fact that FMIL works third shift four days a week (and each week its different).

FI gets along with my parents but he's as close with them as I am with his parents. I think as we visit my folks more that will change. We currently live 9 hours away from where I was raised but we are planning to visit more often once we're married.

ETA: FI is the oldest of 3 boys. Neither FBIL has a gf but I often wonder what it will be like when they do. FMIL hates middle FBIL's ex gf and even though they've been apart for 2 years, she still gets really b!tchy when this girl's name is even mentioned. I hope she doesn't feel that way about any future family additions!

SarahPLiz · April 2011

We don't see my ILs very often. Maybe once a year. DH talks to them every week, but I don't, but not because I don't like them. Both have very thick accents and I can't understand them as well over the phone as I do in person. I love them both though, and they are very happy to have me as their DIL, or so they say

DH is an only child, so we don't have any siblings on that side. I get along great with his aunt and uncle and the few other family members I have met, since the rest all live in ROmania. His parents are both depressed alcoholics, though, so productive communication can be difficult at times, but we try.

DH loves my sisters and BIL. THey are like the siblings he never had and he gets along with them really well when we get together. I talk to them about once a month, but he only talks to them when we see them. Its just the way we are. Each of us speaks to our respective family. DH has been going home with me for holidays since we were together for less than 3 months, and my mom and SD love him. I think my SD likes him more than he likes me! My step siblings and their families love him as well and he really enjoys spending time with them and their kids. I think my godmother has adopted him and he likes her better than his own mother. My dad likes him too, and actually asked me when he was going to propose WAY before he ever did. That's a big thing for my dad.

neelynicole · April 2011

I get along really well with my F-ILs. They're a bit much to handle at times, but that's partly due to the fact that they were raised in a different culture and they also have a bit of a different family dynamic than I've ever experienced.

I see them/talk to them quite a bit, being that FM&FIL live about 5 miles from us. As well as FSIL and her family. They all get together just if someone sneezes, so there are plenty of family gatherings. But there's also the daily (multiple times a day sometimes) phone calls and emails. They sometiems complain that I don't email them or call them enough. Really? We need to talk 10 times a day instead of 5? lol

FI gets alonf great with my family, but we don't see them as often (which is a good things in most cases). He's mainly associated with my mom, dad, and stepmom. And he loves them all. They love him, too.

When it comes to my ILs liking my family, that's yet to be determined. They've been around my mom a few times and really like her. My dad and stepmom once and seemed to like them. With the cousins and aunts and uncles and all that, I guess we'll find out at the wedding (I don't exactly have a tight knit family).

vegasgroom · April 2011

My FIL's get along with me really well; FI's dad and I both race cars, FI's mom agrees with me on everything lol, FI's brother is like my own brother and he'll be moving here soon. FI gets along with my parents great but I don't see them very often because I can only take my own parents in small doses.

number55 · April 2011

I love my DHs family...we spend lots of time together, usually as a group. I have done some stuff just with his sisters or with his sisters and his mom.

I love my dad. My DH loves my dad. Neither of us love his wife. I can't get past some stuff, even though I try, I can't.

tayylor65 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ilsfi-h-parents-along?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:18cac5de-d437-4c8e-8d49-8d338583a6a5Post:c866267f-fe7b-4809-93ec-a96eaabe4721">Re: How do you and IL's/FI or H and your parents get along?</a>:
[QUOTE]I get along with FILs so well it's unbelievable. I was just at their house on Sunday playing board games with them and FFIL comes over and puts his arm around me and said "I love you, sweetie, I'm so glad you're here." I can talk to FILs about anything and I love it! We have gone on trips together and we're going on a diving trip together to Fiji in 2012! FI also gets along with my parents. We all get together at minimum, once a week to hang out, have dinner, go to a movie, etc. I'm beyond blessed to have such amazing people in my life!
Posted by sherrbearr22[/QUOTE]

<div>This is similar to us. I do think it's really lucky! I think it just depends on how family-oriented a family is? It's definitely nice to know your marrying into a group of people who <em>want</em> you to be in the family and it feels just like they're people you grew up with.</div>

tayylor65 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ilsfi-h-parents-along?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:18cac5de-d437-4c8e-8d49-8d338583a6a5Post:ed0e5616-a9c5-4819-9a8b-ee0e5736e3b9">Re: How do you and IL's/FI or H and your parents get along?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am trying to be nice- I despise MIL and SIL. They are manipulative wenches. StepFIL is ok, but MIL has his balls in a vicegrip. FIL is the most awesome person evar, unfortunately he lives on the other side of the country so we don't see him often. H gets along with my parents really well, and he's told me many times he always prefers spending time with my family over his. It does make me a little sad that he doesn't have a better relationship with his family, but those vindictives bitches dug their own graves. ETA: H and my brother get along really well too. H gets along with all of my family, immediate and extended, so well that his interests have started aligning with theirs. Mainly in the manly outdoors/guns department. Sigh.
Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]

<div>Do you have to see your MIL and SIL much? I don't know how I could handle that. My brother dated a girl a few years back who I had to walk on egg shells around, I would've been so sad if they'd moved forward and gotten married since everything was so awkward.</div>

SarahPLiz · April 2011

Oh, and my ILs have only ever met my parents once, at our wedding. They were all on their best behavior, and got along just fine. They will likely not ever see each other again. My mother wants to invite them for Easter next year, but I doubt they will come. They are not into leaving home very often.

pirategal03 · April 2011

H fits in perfectly with my family. It's not unusual for him to visit with my father, aunts, uncles, or my Granny even without me around. He's house/dog-sat for my parents when I wasn't available. H and my father exchange more e-mails than me and my father. My Granny calls him to say hi, then asks how I am. We live an hour and a half away from my family.

I get along okay with his family. I picked the third option, the "small talk" option. We live within a half hour of both FIL and MIL (they don't live together).

FIL is a talker, it's impossible to get a word in when he's around. But he did live with us for a month last year, so we know eachother pretty well.

MIL and I get along well, we just don't really see eachother often. She's called me once, it was a wrong number, she meant to pick the other Mary in her phone.

SIL and I would not be friends if it weren't for H. We're totally different people who live in completely different worlds. It's not that we don't get along, we just have nothing ever to talk about. SIL lives 3 time zones away, we only see her a couple times a year.

ETA: I've never hung out with anyone in H's family without H there.

maratea · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ilsfi-h-parents-along?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:18cac5de-d437-4c8e-8d49-8d338583a6a5Post:5aea1ee3-885c-4d1b-8810-24ffd5ffa9d4">Re: How do you and IL's/FI or H and your parents get along?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you and IL's/FI or H and your parents get along? : Do you have to see your MIL and SIL much? I don't know how I could handle that. My brother dated a girl a few years back who I had to walk on egg shells around, I would've been so sad if they'd moved forward and gotten married since everything was so awkward.
Posted by tayylor65[/QUOTE]
We have been seeing them less and less but they only live about an hour away. So we see them enough. H has been debating on whether to cut them out completely, especially given some recent incidents (like us being uninvited to theirThanksgiving, the reasoning of which I still don't know and can't figure out).

dmiller9274 · April 2011

H gets along with my family really well. We see them a lot, my parents only live about a mile from us. They are close, but not all up in our business. We see them at least once a week, but sometimes more. My sister and Michael get along really well, too. He fits really well into our family. We've gone on a couple of family vacations together, and Michael hangs out with my dad quite a bit.

I get along with his family well. MIL is a little over the top on trying to mother him still (he's 30 yrs old) but she backs off pretty easily if she senses that either one of us is annoyed by it. SFIL is awesome, I can joke and laugh with him all day. He has 3 step brothers, 2 half brothers and a half sister. I'm pretty close with his step brothers and their S/O's, and one of his half brothers. The other half bro and half sis, I've only met once. I love his dad and his grand parents, I'm always game for visiting with them. His Granny calls me about once a week and we usually talk for at least 2 hrs...she's impossible to get off the phone with.

My parents and his parents have also gotten closer, we get together as one big happy family a few times a year and we always have a great time. Apparently my dad and SFIL have planned a cook out together in June, it's cute.

tayylor65 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_ilsfi-h-parents-along?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:18cac5de-d437-4c8e-8d49-8d338583a6a5Post:3000c80c-a8d9-438f-9596-b0c43abfd390">Re: How do you and IL's/FI or H and your parents get along?</a>:
[QUOTE]I really like my IL's. We have so a really good time together-I feel like one of the family when I'm with them, however we live 5 hours apart. I'm not good at staying in touch/calling just to say hi, in addition to the fact that FMIL works third shift four days a week (and each week its different). FI gets along with my parents but he's as close with them as I am with his parents. I think as we visit my folks more that will change. We currently live 9 hours away from where I was raised but we are planning to visit more often once we're married. ETA: FI is the oldest of 3 boys. Neither FBIL has a gf but I often wonder what it will be like when they do. FMIL hates middle FBIL's ex gf and even though they've been apart for 2 years, she still gets really b!tchy when this girl's name is even mentioned. I hope she doesn't feel that way about any future family additions!
Posted by SCBojangles1138[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm sure it'll be a lot of fun when SIL's come in! My FSIL is married to my FI's brother so I'm really excited. I think it's nice to have at least 1 SIL who's married in also and kinda "in the same boat" so to speak.

</div>

missy68 · April 2011

H gets along swimmingly with my parents. My dad really, really respects him. He made an incredible, indelible impression on him early on. My brother and SIL like him and vice versa, and OMG - nephew Andy is Johnny this Johnny that. I'd better not get tossed aside for him! Grandmothers really like him, and the aunts/uncles who have met him say the same. He's very easy going and hard not to like.

I get along okay with his family. I get along fine with his cousins in TX, fine with his sister (even though we're not super duper pals), and her husband. His aunt annoys everyone, and his nephew is cranky all the time. His mom's deceased, and his father is estranged, so I'm not worried about him.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2011

I don't really see or visit them without my H. But that's also because we're a plane ride away, so we haven't had a chance to become really close. And H's family is a little... stoic, so there's that.

cha+ching · April 2011

I get along really well with FI's mom... she annoys me a lot of the time, but she means well. I love FI's dad, he's so down to earth and really fun to hang out with. We all (me, FI, his mom, his dad - who are divorced) went out to eat, got a little tipsy, and went bowling a few weeks ago and it was so much fun! FI's sister is a wretched biitch that nobody in the family can stand. We live in a very small town, so I've seen her around quite a bit, she never speaks to me or FI. She doesn't participate in any family activities where she or her kids are not the center of attention, so I have only seen her twice (in a get together situation) since FI and I started dating (almost 3 years ago) and she was not very pleasant then either.

FI loves my mom and step dad. I think he likes them better than his own family, really. He gets along with my dad and doesn't dislike my step mom - but I have the same relationship with my dad and step mom. He gets along pretty good with my sister and her husband, not to the extent that we hang out together a lot, but we can get together and have a good time without it feeling awkward.

noodle_oo · April 2011

My in laws and I are just very different people. They did not approve of me and DH at first (the parents mostly, his siblings were sort of indifferent). It was kind of a shock to me at how indifferent his siblings were towards me. I'm a pretty warm/friendly person and I sort of thought it would be cool to be friends with his sister. But she never really seemed interested in getting to know me. Even after we'd been togehter for years, the siblings just seem to not care.

Now that we are married, everyone is polite and somewhat friendly. But for me, I don't feel like I'll ever be clsoe to them due to a lot of the history. His siblings are much nicer now and I don't mind spending time with them, but we're not close and I don't think we have any real relationship that woudl exist without my DH.

It is a little sad to me. I envy those who are close with their in-laws. But I guess we're just different. I often notice also that my DH is a very different person than the rest of his family. Such is life, what can you do?

katiewhompus · April 2011

I get along really well with my in-laws when we are together. I don't regularly call up sil to chat, but we do email a lot since I don't really call anyone to chat. My only complaint has been our interactions throughout the pregnancy and that's more a shuffling of roles/expectations verses anything.

We also haven't seen as much of them since we moved 1 hour away. We used to go over for dinner all the time and things like that. Now we hang out with my parents all the time (who I think H likes lol) so it's a good deal for me.

Dana1116 · April 2011

I LOVE Jared and Cindy. I've known them for my entire life so it's very hard for me to picture not having them or loving them any less than I do. My brother and sister in laws have always been my family and sometimes we have little issues, but we do what civil people do....bring a beer and talk it out. That's kinda the unspoken rule of arguments in our neighborhood (Randy and I live at one end and our parents live at the other end); you have an issue with your neighbor you make a piece offering with a beer and you work it out. Likewise, Randy loves my parents and my siblings. We get together all the time and play games, cook out, watch movies, you know. It's awesome having such a close-knit family and I can't imagine nor want it to be any other way

Milsey32 · April 2011

I voted and I'm glad to know I'm with the majority ...

I like my FIL's but we don't talk much unless it's through FI or at a family get together. They're so lovely, but I don't go out of my way to talk to them. & same with FI and my parents.

How do you and IL's/FI or H and your parents get along?

Re: How do you and IL's/FI or H and your parents get along?

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