Thank you notes for no wedding gift?

Kheta111 · April 2012

I am not sure how to handle this situation. We have three people who were in our wedding party who did not give us a wedding gift. That's not a problem for us. I know it costs a lot of money to be in a wedding. One of them is my girlfriend and I know she can't afford to get a gift. It's really no big deal. We are working on our thank you notes now. Do we send a thank you note to these people? We have thanked them and given them a gift at our rehearsal dinner. Do we send them another one? Two of my husband's three sisters gave us a gift but the third one in the wedding did not. And she lives with one of the other sisters... so how would it look if we sent one to not the other...I don't know how to handle the situation for everyone. Any thoughts?

kroot87 · April 2012

Yes, you send them a thank you note. You should thank every guest for attending your wedding, gifts notwithstanding.

aragx6 · April 2012

I disagree with the above poster. I wouldn't have a problem with it if you want to, but the reception is the thank you for attending. The cards are really about thanking them for the gift. It's not necessary.

pkontk · April 2012

I disagree with Kroot in part. Your wedding reception was the thank you for your guests, you do not need an additional "Thank you for coming to my wedding" note. You do need to thank those who got you gifts.

It is fine to send a TY for the gift to the sister who gave the gift. The sister who did not give one should not expect a TY.

Kate61487 · April 2012

You do not need to send thank yous to anyone who didn't give a gift. That said, if you didn't include a note with the BP gifts you could take this opportunity to send a 'thank you for standing up' card.

I was a little scattered in the days leading up to the wedding and barely got the BP gifts wrapped, we didn't write personal notes to each of them. So we sent them thank yous after the fact (or just included an extra 'thanks' into the regular note if they did give us a gift)

pokepoke27 · April 2012

I don't see a problem with sending a TY to people that came, but it's not neseccary.

I wouldn't worry about a TY note to your WP member because you are already giving them a gift for being in the WP. But it could be a nice gesture like Kate said.

deanozzi · April 2012

Disagree with 1st post. You do not need to send a thank you to GUESTS who do not give you a gift. But you should give a card to everyone in your BRIDAL PARTY who stood with you at your wedding.

kroot87 · April 2012

I do agree with PPs that it's not required to send them, I guess I should have mentioned that in my OP.. I just think it's the gracious thing to do.

MyUserName1 · April 2012

I think that sending someone a thank you for attending your wedding looks like you are trying to passive aggressively remind them that they did not give you a present.

If you did not already give a thank you note to your WP members for being in the WP, then I would do so.

Kheta111 · April 2012

We did give personal thank yous to everyone in our WP. Each had a personal message for whomever it would have been.

LeiselEB · April 2012

I'd write a thank you note to members of your wedding party, regardless of gifts.

However, if I were a regular guest at a wedding and for some reason did not bring a gift, I would not appreciate a thank you card. To me they seem to point to the fact that gifts weren't given.

mbrischoux · April 2012

I do not think it's necessary to send a Thank You card to guests who did not give a gift. As a previous poster stated, the reception is a thank you for attending the wedding (as well as the favor, which is unnecessary, but also fills the "Thank You" role in addition to the reception).

However, if they were in your bridal party, they deserve some kind of note of thanks. Being in the bridal party is expensive and time consuming, so I would definitely write one.

By the way, I know I only post here sporradically, but I really like reading these boards and hope that my "piping in" isn't offensive to anyone. Sometimes I worry that I'm encroaching on a group of people's conversations:)

Kristin789 · April 2012

>>Yes, you send them a thank you note. You should thank every guest for attending your wedding, gifts notwithstanding.

I've never heard of that. The RECEPTION, with free food, free drink, free entertainment, is the bride's family's THANK YOU FOR SERVING AS A WITNESS TO THIS WEDDING.

Now I have heard of this (below) and I totally agree with it:

>>I think that sending someone a thank you for attending your wedding looks like you are trying to passive aggressively remind them that they did not give you a present.

dda8227 · September 2012

I am in this situation now and read lots of different people's opinions on the matter, including etiquette expert Emily Post, who spells out exactly who should receive a thank you note (she does not mention wedding attendees who show up w/o a gift.)
So I've decided to send thank you notes just to people who came from out of town w/o a gift. I hope that it shows that my husband and I appreciate the time and money they spent making the trip, and hope it doesn't highlight the fact that they didn't bring a gift.
What to other brides think, is this appropriate? I agree that the reception and especially the favors are a thank you for coming to the wedding, but I don't want out of town guests to feel like we don't appreciate them travelling for our special day. At the same time, we spent good money on each person's meal and drinks, so even just a card would have been nice (not trying to be greedy for gifts here!)
I'm kind of torn here so I'd appreciate others' input. Thanks!

Thank you notes for no wedding gift?

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