Wedding Frustrations

I have only posted once before on the destination wedding board. I am not usually on these boards, but I feel like I am going to just explode and maybe writing it will make me feel better.
I was going to have a 100 guest wedding here in AZ. I always thought I wanted a big wedding and all my friends and family there, as the planning process began. It was no longer fun for me anymore. My mother in law cornered me in a store one day and began asking me about relationship with my sister in law, and she how much she really thought she should be in my bridal party. (too long of a story to explain, but we are not on good terms and she has been mean throughout my relationship). So...I did something drastic. I was so tired of the planning and the tension about who should be my bridesmaids that I said : Let's go to Spain!.

My honeymoon was going to be there (which my in laws had already decided to come with us on). Whole another situation. So it made it easier...I love love love my wedding in Spain idea. I am thrilled and I know for sure I am much happier planning it in Spain. It is currently in the process.

Anyways,so I had previosly let my bridesmaid know about my wedding here and I spoke to them about me moving it to Spain. No one is expected to go. The Spain wedding is suppose to be just a small ceremony with just parents and siblings. Then at a later date we will be having a bruch with everyone to celebrate our marriage.

Well now...I have some family members, some cousins and aunts who have invited themselves to Spain. I dont know I would love for them to go, but I did want it to be small. So thats my new dilemna. Am I blunt and tell people they cannot come?? or do I just open it up to close family who is willing to go and stop worrying so much about who is coming? I would only be paying for there dinner in Spain.

So my new frustration is my bacherlorette party. My FH is having one with all the guys in New Orleans. I hate the idea of it, but I want my own to be at the same time. I ask all my girls (friends, cousins, and cousins gf's). there thoughts about where we should go. I wanted it to be trip with all the girls. Everyone decided Cancun. My bestfriend and who would have been my MOH was all about it. well then come down to it she now says its too much money. The thing is , this is why I ask for ideas. and Yes I am planning it myself. I even made cheaper suggestions. well two of my friends talked to my cousin about it and how they could not afford it and blah blah. and I found out that one even said why would I spend money on a trip for a wedding I am not even in? So I changed the trip to Miami and low and behold the same one saying this still said she would not go. I am not upset about who does not go, I just wanted straight answers and everyone played games. I am so hurt by their actions. This whole wedding planning has not been fun at all! I even created an event on facebook and invited my three girls who would have been bridesmaid to help me find my dress and only my cousin responded with yest the other one has ignored it and the other put maybe. Its one Saturday. I don't even know who is happy for me about getting married anymore.  Should I not be including the girls in things if they are not part of my wedding anyl onger? I just thought they would still want to be there for me. I am still getting married.

Re: Wedding Frustrations

  • edited December 2011
    No I don't think it's wrong to still include them, but consider that they might be feeling a little hurt that they were going to be included in this big wedding celebration and then found out that they're suddenly no longer in a big wedding. I know that if it were my family, and if I had started planning a large wedding only to abruptly change it to a small intimate destination wedding, a lot of my family members would feel hurt and left out. So just consider that your girl friends and cousins may be feeling hurt about the sudden change in plans, or that they might even be feeling like you'll change plans again since you've changed them before. Explain to them that this is what you really want now, and tell them how much it would mean to you if they joined you with the festivities even if they can't make the trip to Spain.
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  • edited December 2011
    Wedding plans change a lot- mostly based on budgetting.  It's okay to say, we changed plans, but would still like you to be a part of planning that special day.  It wouldn't hurt to have a party with just your bridesmaids, even if they can't go to Spain with you, as sort of a night on the town. 

    Be aware like twoitalians said, try to keep your plans simple and try not to keep changing it. 

    How far away is your wedding in Spain?

    ETA: Also, can you parents, or good friends that aren't your bridesmaids go dress shopping with you?  It would help to get a non-biased answer, on what looks good on you and what doesn't :)

    You are right, wedding planning is supposed to be fun, but realize, you are marrying the one you love, and that's what counts at the end of the wedding day!

    "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
  • edited December 2011
     My wedding is in end of May or beginning of June next year (2011). I guess I have been hurt by their actions or comments. I really thought that it did not matter where I was married at or how, that they would still want to share in my moments leading up to the event.  I would 100% want to attend their events and make it special for them.

    I really need to just remember that my day is about me and my futre hubby and that is what matters. Thanks everyone.
  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
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    edited December 2011
    On the bachelorette party idea...1) techichally you are not supposed to plan it for yourself.  2) if people can't afford to go, you really need to respect that.  They probably still want to be there for you, but you can't expect them to dish out a bunch of cash, when they aren't even invited to your wedding.  Perhaps you can do a trip with those who are able, and then maybe an in-town event such as a salon day or something?  Just remember, no one will be as excited for your wedding as you are.
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