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i2012do · April 2012

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/wellness/story/2012-04-24/long-engagement-couples/54538912/1?fb_comment_id=fbc_10150867409195555_24231818_10150868797640555#f2a7527d266834a

It's kind of getting a lot of crap on there so I hope it gets some positive feedback!

Jenni8412 · April 2012

Wow, that's a lot of negativity! I'm thinking it's a bunch of divorcees and people that don't understand the concept of delayed gratification.

jjolovich · April 2012

Wow, do people not understand inflation?? Prices have changed a lot since 10-15 years ago....good grief, the world is going to hell in a hand basket i think...

dawnp917 · April 2012

People like to be negative. I especially liked the comments about how much people spent 30 years ago, I bet if they took inflation into consideration it would be about the same.

i2012do · April 2012

i couldn't believe all the negative feedback it was kind of upsetting.I like the guy that said that the best age for a woman to marry is 30. and that I was too young to get married (along with the other brides). Hello, I'll be 28 this year!

smilesavy · April 2012

People are gonna hate no matter what....at the end of the day do what makes you and your FI happiest....People tell me all the time..."spending that much on a wedding isn't worth it", "you are gonna wish you had saved all that money instead of spending it on a wedding"....you know what...mind your business....if we want to spend that kind of money on our wedding we will...if we want to wait to get married we will....so what we have been dating for 13 years we wanted to wait...everyone needs to mind their business!

rungirl12 · April 2012

I can see both sides of this. My personal opinion is that $26,000 is ridiculous to spend on a wedding, but at the same time, I'm not going to criticize someone who decides to spend that just because I wouldn't. I choose to partake in many expensive hobbies, and when it came time to decide on "extras" for the wedding like renting chair covers, I kept weighing the $$ I would spend against things like buying a new canopy for skydiving, buying a carbon bike for triathlons, etc. Luckily, FI & I are on the same page with how to spend, so there are no issues there. I do understand that while I find $26,000 ridiculous for a wedding, there are many others who find $3k ridiculous for a bike. It's all about your personality.

As for the long engagements, I think it's silly that anyone would criticize someone for that, even if it was solely for the purpose of saving up money. If that is what you want and you don't mind waiting, nothing in your relationship magically changes once you're married, so since you're just as "together" as you would be with marriage certificate in hand, why does it matter if you postpone to make your dream a reality? Now, I don't have that dream, but I still get it and am not going to knock it.

i2012ido - I think your reasons for waiting it out an extra year are the most un-selfish that I can imagine. You have pinpointed that family is important to you and wanted to ensure they could all take part in your day. Kudos to you for being generous and not expecting everyone to drop their lives immediately and have the funds to fly to your wedding.

dawnp917 · April 2012

While the average cost of a wedding is $26K, none of the couples in the article said what their budget was. It could be that they have a $10K budget but it still takes time for people to save that amount of money.

People assume when they hear about the cost of a wedding that people are going into debt to pay for it. This is not necessarily the case. I am exteremely frugal and have saved a lot over the years. While our budget is less than the average of $26K it is still a lot. In addition to the wedding we are buying a house and have a sizable down payment for that. The moeny we are spending on the wedding is not impacting our ability to buy a house or a car or anything else for that matter.

saraschilling88 · April 2012

I cannot believe all the negative feedback to your article!! I'm pretty sure the reply to your comment was probably the worst, "there are webcams" - SERIOUSLY?! That I had to reply to and defend your decision (yes, the response there is from me).

i2012do · April 2012

I completley agree. People are allowed to spend their money the way that they deem fit. And honestly I think the point of the entire artcile that the author was trying to make (since she interviewed me this weekend and dicussed the point) was that sometimes, for wahtever reason, be it financial or distance or logistics that you can't always get married when you envision it.

The point I made to her is that originally we wanted to do have the wedding later because of the issue with the distance for the grooms family, and as a cavet to that we ended up being able to splurge on more things for the wedding, because we had a longer time to save.

Are personalized cocktail napkins going to make our marriage last longer- no. Are they going to make me smile on teh day of, probbably. Was it a total waste to spend $40 on those over $40 towards a house fund-- that depends on the person as Run girl said!

i2012do · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_our-articles-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:afced9ee-5367-40d1-9051-8db5e523fba1Post:4a05f88a-9c8f-49db-bb2b-fad1b6bba4a6">Re: Our articles up!</a>:
[QUOTE]I cannot believe all the negative feedback to your article!! I'm pretty sure the reply to your comment was probably the worst, "there are webcams" - SERIOUSLY?! That I had to reply to and defend your decision (yes, the response there is from me).
Posted by saraschilling88[/QUOTE]

Well it took me a minute to realize that was you that posted!! Thanks so much. I was going to pull specific example when i wrote that comment about people and say things, like the guy that said women should be 30 to get married etc but i decided to keep it all very professional and not aimed at anyone.
I think its pretty crappy the things people were saying. also, times are a changin' grandma!!

Also- the WEBCAM!!?! SERIOUSLY?! what kind of family wants to watch someones wedding via webcam unless for some unforseen reason they couldnt make it etc!!
I mean seriously, does she think the grooms mother wants to watch her son get married via WEBCAM!
also i wanted to share this article my coordinator just posted
<a href="http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/03/23/us-wedding-costs-idUSBRE82M11O20120323" rel="nofollow">http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/03/23/us-wedding-costs-idUSBRE82M11O20120323</a>

saraschilling88 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_our-articles-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:afced9ee-5367-40d1-9051-8db5e523fba1Post:95b7f527-4184-4439-b8b9-f66570a88d43">Re: Our articles up!</a>:
[QUOTE] Also- the WEBCAM!!?! SERIOUSLY?! what kind of family wants to watch someones wedding via webcam unless for some unforseen reason they couldnt make it etc!! I mean seriously, does she think the grooms mother wants to watch her son get married via WEBCAM!
Posted by i2012do[/QUOTE]

EXACTLY!! That comment made me furious!!

i2012do · April 2012

Someone else just commented back to you lol.
I'm really holding back on this one I want to write so bad but all my friens and family have seent eh article and i am trying to be the bigger person. Though, I want to say-- "Uh a DVD of a wedding on a $500 wedding budget"

saraschilling88 · April 2012

My sister did a DVD, she did a destination wedding and a 2nd reception at a town between our family and her hubby's family. In her specific case that worked out beautifully, they wanted a 15 minute beach wedding (MN has lots of lakes, but not the beautiful ocean that they envisioned) and played the DVD at the reception. They are also very well off financially and could afford that lol!

I so want to comment back to that person, but have no clue what to say..

ETA: I did come up with something after all lol. I posted so you didn't have to

i2012do · April 2012

ha! I like it. I know it seems silly, but I have been glued to this all day. I linked this to my FB wall and people i ahvent spoken to in 10 yrs posted about it!
I didn't think it would cause such a stir- but its fun to have that to put away as a wedding keepsake!

I didn't even check the paper to see if it was in there!

saraschilling88 · April 2012

Wow, people really jumped down my throat lol!! I had fun replying

I have been following the post all day too!! I know it is weird, but after being on the forum all these months, it kind of feels like we know each other, and with them attacking you I had to stand up for you!!

calindi · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_our-articles-up?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:afced9ee-5367-40d1-9051-8db5e523fba1Post:1ee17de3-7806-4c96-b4ae-d2c9b36111c2">Re: Our articles up!</a>:
[QUOTE]I can see both sides of this. My personal opinion is that $26,000 is ridiculous to spend on a wedding, but at the same time, I'm not going to criticize someone who decides to spend that just because I wouldn't. I choose to partake in many expensive hobbies, and when it came time to decide on "extras" for the wedding like renting chair covers, I kept weighing the $$ I would spend against things like buying a new canopy for skydiving, buying a carbon bike for triathlons, etc. Luckily, FI & I are on the same page with how to spend, so there are no issues there. <strong> I do understand that while I find $26,000 ridiculous for a wedding, there are many others who find $3k ridiculous for a bike.</strong> It's all about your personality. As for the long engagements, I think it's silly that anyone would criticize someone for that, even if it was solely for the purpose of saving up money. If that is what you want and you don't mind waiting, nothing in your relationship magically changes once you're married, so since you're just as "together" as you would be with marriage certificate in hand, why does it matter if you postpone to make your dream a reality? Now, I don't have that dream, but I still get it and am not going to knock it. i2012ido - I think your reasons for waiting it out an extra year are the most un-selfish that I can imagine. You have pinpointed that family is important to you and wanted to ensure they could all take part in your day. Kudos to you for being generous and not expecting everyone to drop their lives immediately and have the funds to fly to your wedding.
Posted by rungirl12[/QUOTE]

That is such a good point! And the amount of money means different things to different people. Like some said, it's the downpayment for a house or a new car. It's all about figuring out what is important, and balancing your choices.

If there's no rush to get married (i.e. not planning to have kids soon, feel comfortable living together unmarried or will be living apart for school/work anyway) then why not wait and save money to have a party? If you saved up and blew it on a huge vacation, no one would judge or compare, just saying you were smart not to go into debt. Saving is good, how you spend it is your choice.

For me, my parents have had the money for my wedding put aside for a long time. It won't make/break any plans of their own, and they won't give me the money outright. So I'm having a $40k wedding, and my FI and I are paying for none of it. We're both incredibly grateful to my parents, but would have been okay with a small, simple backyard thing if we had to pay for it ourselves.

But it's all about putting the focus on the marriage and not this ideal perfect day. For us, the wedding represents a unique opportunity to have all our family in one place. As my FI is a Marine and we'll be a military family, we won't likely live near them and this is a really great way to see them all and enjoy time with them. We put a huge focus on our guests and making sure they have a blast - great food, fun DJ, etc. - and cut out frills that would only benefit us, like a limo, expensive attire, bigger photo packages, etc.

calindi · April 2012

Oh, for what it's worth, I think the comments were tame compared to some other articles. People just love to say mean things online. Don't let it get to you - I think the story showed your perspective pretty well, and other people are bound to judge you no matter what. If it's too quick, you're rushing to the alter without taking time to consider cold feet. If it's too long, you are focusing too much on the marriage. Do what's right for you - it sounds like a good plan you guys have. And I'm all for people saving for something they want, rather than just putting it on credit cards and figuring it out later (which is usually not so easily figured out).

Eyejewel · April 2012

Jen i enjoyed reading your article. Props for waiting for the family and saving. I couldnt believe the negativity of comments. People love just posting mean stuff online and get people fired up, some of them a bored.

I wanted to start talking about how milk use to cost a quarter and now it costs $2.35 or something. We tried to do it cheaper and the prices are astronomically inflated. Wedding industry what a mark up.

I myself am turning 31 in July before the wedding and will end up having 1.5 year engagement. We thought about making the date quick like within 4-6 months but i would have been too stressed and we couldnt afford as much as we wanted. Stay strong!

i2012do · April 2012

Thanks ladies! I was so happy to read the comments from everyone on teh agusut board I was smiling. I didn't feel personally attacked, but I am sure the author did. I mean she was just trrying to showcase a growing trend in engaged couples!!
I mean really, people will find anything online to flame others about

I have to mention this is kind of a funny tidbit my mom is REALLY upset about the artcile because it says "BY OCTOBER, they moved in together" she said it makes me sound like a floozy!!!haha oh mom

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