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Wedding Party
SD3194
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My FI thinks I've lost my mind
My FI thinks I'm being overly generous. I've been in 7 weddings and every single one of them has been a huge pain in the neck between all of the time invested and money spent. Whenever one of my friends gets engaged I pray that she doesn't ask me to be a bridesmaid. With this said, I want to be as accomodating to my wedding party as possible and not ask too much of them.
We have ten people total in our WP and I'm paying for their dresses, shoes, and tux rental. I'm also paying for their hotel rooms (2 nights), gifts, and taking my bridal party to the spa before the rehearsal. I think he plans on taking the GM golfing or something. Oh and I plan to pay for everyone's hair to be done the day of wedding. I've also thought about renting a beach house for my bachelorette party since everyone is spread out. My FI says, jokingly of course, that I'm going to have to work the streets to pay for all this but I'd rather budget on other things and splurge on this. Am I going overboard?
Note: None of this has been discussed with the WP
We have ten people total in our WP and I'm paying for their dresses, shoes, and tux rental. I'm also paying for their hotel rooms (2 nights), gifts, and taking my bridal party to the spa before the rehearsal. I think he plans on taking the GM golfing or something. Oh and I plan to pay for everyone's hair to be done the day of wedding. I've also thought about renting a beach house for my bachelorette party since everyone is spread out. My FI says, jokingly of course, that I'm going to have to work the streets to pay for all this but I'd rather budget on other things and splurge on this. Am I going overboard?
Note: None of this has been discussed with the WP
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My FI thinks I've lost my mind
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
[QUOTE]My FI thinks I'm being overly generous. I've been in 7 weddings and every single one of them has been a huge pain in the neck between all of the time invested and money spent. Whenever one of my friends gets engaged I pray that she doesn't ask me to be a bridesmaid. With this said, I want to be as accomodating to my wedding party as possible and not ask too much of them. We have ten people total in our WP and I'm paying for their dresses, shoes, and tux rental. I'm also paying for their hotel rooms (2 nights), gifts, and taking my bridal party to the spa before the rehearsal. I think he plans on taking the GM golfing or something. Oh and I plan to pay for everyone's hair to be done the day of wedding. I've also thought about renting a beach house for my bachelorette party since everyone is spread out. My FI says, jokingly of course, that I'm going to have to work the streets to pay for all this but I'd rather budget on other things and splurge on this. Am I going overboard? Note: None of this has been discussed with the WP
Posted by SD3194[/QUOTE]
You certainly CAN do all of this, but you certainly don't have to (and you shouldn't feel like you have to). If you want to, great! It sounds like you are a very generous individual.
The one thing that you SHOULD NOT have anything to do with at all in the least, is parties in your honor such as the bachelorette and bridal shower. That means no beach house. These parties are for someone (or several someones depending on who wants to) other than the bride to plan if they so choose. That also means whoever is hosting plans and pays for the party. Please do not take any part in planning and paying for these parties.
Other than that you are certainly welcome to pay for your attendants attire, accommodations, and hair. I'm sure they would appreciate that.
Regarding the shoes ... I would just let them pick out their own (assuming that you mean that you want them in matching shoes). Not that paying for their shoes isn't nice, because it is, but most people are really particular about what they put on their feet. I'd rather pay for my own shoes and be comfy, than have them paid for but be uncomfortable in them (because not all dress shoes work on my feet).
[QUOTE]Wow, can I be in your WP? The only words of warning I'll give are not to offer any of this to them until you're 100% sure you can pay for it. Beyond that, I personally think it's brilliant.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
This.
If you honestly can afford all that, go for it!
Planning Bio-Added FOR SALE page, will be adding more stuff to it soon!
It sounds like you are really looking out for your WP, which is great. But honestly, if it will save you headaches later, skip the unneccesaries. For instance, the BMs don't have to get their hair done. But, in the end, you decide how to spend your money, and your WP will be very grateful that you were so considerate.
Puppy Love
It's really nice of you to try and be so accommodating, but the WP usually knows what it means when they agree to be part of your big day. Also, if you are paying for the whole thing yourselves, maybe there is something that your groom wanted to splurge on (as oppose to paying for nearly everything for the WP)? Maybe better food for all your guests or an open bar would be something that benefits your entire guest list and not just a select few? However, if you really have the budget for it, I think it's incredibly generous of you!
I think you should definitely skip on the shoes. Let them wear ones they already have. Paying for their hair is nice, but you could also just not require them to get it done. A spa day for all of them is a lot as well. If anything take them to a cheapy nail place for pedicures, but that's not even necessary. And I definitely don't think you should be paying for their hotel rooms, especially not for 2 nights. I can imagine that the hotel rooms alone is enough to cover an open bar for the wedding or some nice hors d'ouevres.
As for the beach house, by offering to rent it you are basically planning your bachelorette party for them. If they ask for ideas of what you want you can mention it, but its not right to plan your own parties.
[QUOTE]Thanks for your opinions. <strong>Were having an open bar, nice food and what not so our guests won't suffer. </strong>I'm a chef and a lush...so booze and food are a big deal lol. <strong>I'll probably just budget on things like flowers, my dress and invites. </strong>I think the beach house thing will probably be a no go. Everyone is right saying I shouldn't have anything to do with planning/paying for the bachelorette party so screw it haha.
Posted by SD3194[/QUOTE]
Good priorities! Like I said, if you can do it painlessly, go for it. Best of luck.
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
[QUOTE]Thanks for your opinions. Were having an open bar, nice food and what not so our guests won't suffer. I'm a chef and a lush...so booze and food are a big deal lol. I'll probably just budget on things like flowers, my dress and invites. I think the beach house thing will probably be a no go. Everyone is right saying I shouldn't have anything to do with planning/paying for the bachelorette party so screw it haha.
Posted by SD3194[/QUOTE]
Okay good to know. As long as you aren't skimping on things that directly affect your guests then go for it. I think the dress and flowers are a great place to budget. And you can get some amazing DIY invite kits. Thats what we used just because we thought it was absurd to pay so much for them.
I'm still with your FI in that you're crazy for wanting to do all this, but good for you for wanting to treat them all so well. Just don't kill yourself or put yourself into debt to keep them from spending any money at all. Everything you mentioned is well above and beyond what you should be spending, so cutting back on any of it still leaves you as being a very thoughtful bride. If I were you I wouldn't mention any of it to them until right before it comes time to pay or book each individual thing, so that if your situation does change you don't have to say "sorry, I can't pay now."
"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.
A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
"If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
I think that's VERY generous if you can afford it, I certainly wouldn't mind as your BM. It does concern me, however, that your FI does mind so much. I mean, if you plan on doing some sort of joining of finances when you're married, I don't think it makes sense to make unilateral large financial decisions about the wedding.
This is just an estimate, but let's say attire for each costs $100 ($1000). Hotel $100/night($2000). Pre-rehearsal shenanigans $30 pp($300). Hair for 5 girls at around $40 for wedding($200). That would be $3500 and that seems like a really low estimate. plus whatever you spend on gifts. That's a heck of a lot for a low-budget wedding.
I know you feel badly about making them spend a lot after your BM experiences. But you don't have to feel obligated to cover their hotel rooms. I mean, I assume they'd have to get hotel rooms as guests as well, so if you do want to make being a BM free for them, maybe you could cover only one night (since they'd be paying for one night anyhow).
Your FI seems somewhat concerned about the amount you plan on spending on them. And, unless you guys are planning on not joining finances (and I don't see that happening as you say you are paying for the "yourselves") then the debts you accumulate before the wedding will belong to both of you. I get that he's "joking" about it, but do you think he might actually be worried? Because you probably dont' want to start off your marriage with the two of you arguing about all the money you spent on your friends.
I would love to pay for everything for my BMs too, but it's just not going to happen. They get to pick whatever dress they want, and I'm paying for their hair if they want to get done on the wedding day. Other than that, though, they're on their own for lodging and such. Just like any other guest who is attending your wedding.
I think it's smart to not say anything until you are absolutely sure that it'll work. Just be realistic about what you can actually spend on everyone. I think your priorities are pretty good, but make sure that both you and your FI are okay with the amount you spend on everyone.
Hawaii with my best friend
Before I got engaged I always said I would pay for everything with the WP also...and then I saw how expensive it is to throw even a small wedding. If you are going to make cuts elsewhere, be careful. Keep in mind that your WP will not be your only guests - there will be many more - and your guests should be the focus of your reception.
Take a good look at vendor costs and come up with a budget (a wedding is not worth going into debt) that you can stick to. I don't know how far into the planning process you are but this is step number one.
Personally, I'd be giving huge eye rolls if I found out the wedding was done on the cheap (bad food, cheap looking decor, cash bar, etc) because the bride used half the budget to treat her WP to a fabulous girls weekend complete with wardrobe and the groom treated everyone on his side to rounds of golf.
AKA GoodLuckBear14
[QUOTE]If this is something that you can afford to do, then that is up to you. Personally, I think it is going overboard, but I don't have that kind of money to shell out.
Posted by graysquirrel[/QUOTE]
RSVP Date: April 29th, 2011
Wait until after the wedding to tally up how much each person in your WP spent, then (after discussing things with your husband) buy gifts/spa days that reflect a compensation you see as fair. It's better for them to see how much you appreciated their effort and support after your wedding than it is for them to see you forking over money for gifts that they didn't expect or might not feel they've earned.
It's really admirable that you want to spoil your friends like this, but money is a huge source of tension in marriages, and you really need to be on the same page as your FI about this. A better compromise might be to allow them to wear any LBD/suit of the appropriate formality, and try to arrange for a good group rate on hotel (and maybe put them in contact with each other if anyone's interested in splitting a room). Then you can still do gifts, hair, and treat anyone who's interested (please don't make it mandatory) to the spa day and golfing.
I think most people understand that they're going to have to spend at least some money to be in a wedding. If you're giving them room to shop around for the best deals and not just telling them how much they're going to be paying, you're doing plenty.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
[QUOTE]My FI thinks I'm being overly generous. I've been in 7 weddings and every single one of them has been a huge pain in the neck between all of the time invested and money spent. Whenever one of my friends gets engaged I pray that she doesn't ask me to be a bridesmaid. With this said, I want to be as accomodating to my wedding party as possible and not ask too much of them. We have ten people total in our WP and I'm paying for their dresses, shoes, and tux rental. I'm also paying for their hotel rooms (2 nights), gifts, and taking my bridal party to the spa before the rehearsal. I think he plans on taking the GM golfing or something. Oh and I plan to pay for everyone's hair to be done the day of wedding. I've also thought about renting a beach house for my bachelorette party since everyone is spread out. My FI says, jokingly of course, that I'm going to have to work the streets to pay for all this but I'd rather budget on other things and splurge on this. <strong>Am I going overboard?</strong> Note: None of this has been discussed with the WP
Posted by SD3194[/QUOTE]
Yes, completely overboard.