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Moms and Maids

How NOT to treat your bridesmaid.

Here is a little of how not to treat a bridesmaid.

Please include any significant other on the invitation. It doesn't matter if he/she will not be able to attend it is a very nice gesture to include them on the invitation. Getting an invitation just addressed to the 'maid and not her "short-boyfriend" is kinda a slap in the face. I'm traveling hundreds of miles to attend this and I can't have an extra name on the invitation?

The brides family welcomed me into their house the night before the wedding, which was very nice. BUT after the rehearsal dinner, I had to go set up the reception site because I was with the family. No option to go to sleep since the I had a long day of travel, sitting on the airplane for over 3 hours, in a different time zone than my body is used to, etc.

Your bridesmaid gift is jewlery for the wedding and a bag in the wedding colors. The bag wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't in her wedding colors. Nice colors, just not any colors I would ever use in my wardrobe, so it sits in a closet.

The day of the wedding the brides mother wonderfully hosts all the brides maids over for an early brunch before getting hair and makeup done. This is the last food we will see until the reception. So going from 10am to about 7pm. The bridal party and family had to stay after the ceremony to finish taking pictures. By the time the bridal party got to the reception almost all the food was gone. It was VERY slim pickings for the people that were supposed to be nearest and dearest to the bride and groom. Of course the bride and groom had plates made for them before the other guests go in line for the buffet.

The lack of food is not too surprising because as we were putting the reception site together the night before. The bride's mother made a comment to me as we were putting the chairs under the tables of something like this, "I hope no more than 200 people come. That's all the chairs and food we order. Who knows how many invitations we sent out!"

After the wedding the groom's sister and brother-in-low very nicely drove me to a hotel at the airport. I was told by the bride before leaving that they had already reserved and paid for the hotel room. As I was checking out the next day they asked for my payment. Thankfully I could afford the hotel, and it could have been an honest mistake. It still just put an sour-er taste in my mouth after this wedding.

I gave the bride and groom a check for their wedding present since it was a lot more travel friendly. I gave it about two months after they got back from their honeymoon to ask the bride about the check because it hadn't cleared my account yet. She texted me back and said we got it. Thanks! That was the ONLY thanks I got for the entire wedding. I got NO thank you card. I would've been happy with a Christmas card that had a little note saying thanks.

Please be grateful for your bridesmaids.

Re: How NOT to treat your bridesmaid.

  • I have the hardest time wrapping my head around MOB's comment.  She KNEW good and well there might not be enough food for the number of guests that might show up?  Classy.

    You definitely should have received a thank you note, for both the check (gift) and your participation in the BP.  The bride sounds like a real peach.

    Thanks for posting.  Maybe some future brides will see your advice and approach their BP members with more thoughfulness because of it. 
  • I hope you sent a copy of the hotel bill to this lovely bride with a note "they didn't seem to get your payment." As for the food, I am enough of a b*tch that I would have pulled out my phone, found a local restaurant that delivers and then sat at the head table (because I picture this bride having a head table) eating my dinner out of the styrofoam container for all of the guests to see.

    Please stick around.  Everything you said is what we warn brides about day in and day out.  Maybe your personal experience will get through some concrete thick heads.
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  • edited July 2012
    Hungry and tired are not a good combination.

    Instead of making lists of duties for the bms, moh, gms, bm and parents, the should make a list of dos and don'ts for brides and grooms.

    Top of list:

    1.If you need a decorator, hire one. Do not expect free labor from your wedding party.

    2. Have enough food for everyone at your wedding.
                       
  • HuckSCHuckSC member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    They definitely had a raised head table. I sat there for about oh two seconds before mosts of the guests left so I found a chair by a college friend.

    I also forgot to put in there that I was pestered to dance with a friend of the groom. This was not a dance when the bridal party was introduced. This was after dinner when they had music and dancing. The friend was supposidly lonely and since I was by myself, I was the natrual person to do this. Nevermind the boyfriend I had back at home.

    If this was a bridal party dance, or dancing with someone I already knew or was friends with, I would have been ALL about it. Nope a stranger.

  • It's so hard to imagine someone treating her friends this way, but I guess it's more common than we think! So sorry you had to deal with this. Every bride who's thinking about making unreasonable demands of her wedding party should be directed to this post!
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  • OP, I'm really sorry this happened to you.  And from someone that calls herself a friend nonetheless!  This is a good story for all those brides out there who do think they can treat their friends like crap for that one special day.  Friendships last a lot longer than your wedding day!  
  • SO sorry this happened to you. I think sometimes honestly weddings bring out the worst in people. I had dinner with one of my BMs last night who is an event planner by day and she was like Oh I want to help set everything up. You wedding party is not free labor, and I cant even imagine having anyone dressed up setting everything up. Thanks for posting this.

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  • Thank you for writing this post out!!!
    One of my biggest fears as a bride is not doing right by my girls, even if it's a mistake or I over looked something. I just want everyone to be happy.
    I have so many notes to myself for little things I want to remember (I like lots of detail and organization), and now I'll be adding small snacks for the BP between breakfast and the reception to my notes. Even if it's just an energy bar, some veggies, or those ensure drinks.

    I'm so sorry you had to go through this! I also can't believe you didn't get a thank you card. That just seems....careless. Sure, the BP gifts can be considered a thank you, but that would be more of a "thank you for dealing with my crazyness these last few months, and for all you have done for me and all your support". You still deserve a proper thank you AFTER the wedding, especially since you gave them a gift. I'm baffled by your friend.
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  • How long has it been since the wedding? Because courtesy dictates that the happy couple have one year from the wedding date to send out thank you cards. I have friends who waited until almost one year from their wedding to send a card. Others send their cards out promptly.

    Personally, I will make sure that all of my BMs have a plus one on their invitation, but that's not necessarily a requirement. Most guidelines state that you only need to give a plus one for married, engaged, or couples living together. I don't know what your particular situation was at the time.

    The food thing and lack of accomodation for the amount of people are egregious errors if you ask me. That is a HUGE oversight on the bride's (and whoever was paying and in control of the guest list) part.

    Sorry that you had such a bad experience.
  • Sorry this happened to you!  I have been very active in asking my BM's their opinions on things and every decision I have made regarding the bridal party has been made with them in mind.  And as someone who can't go more than two-four hours before needing to eat something, I could not imagine not having enough food!  You are a saint.  
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