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Eloping, but family member wants to attend.

AnniePanicAnniePanic
500 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
hello ladies,
FI and I are eloping/ honeymooning all at once. It's really what we've always wanted to do. FI's cousin is coming with us because we are close to her and she will "babysit" our child on the wedding night(she offered). We are paying for her travel, accomadations and food, etc.

My second cousin, who is my age, has said how much she wants to come to my wedding. She has tolf many people in my very large extended family, ana many of them have called or emailed to make sure i know she wants an invite. Basically, its a big deal to my family. She lives on the other side of the country from us, but closer to Vegas than us. We're fine with her coming and would love to have her, but another round trip plane ride, and hotel room is out of our budget. How do I 'invite' her while letting her know it'd be on her dime? Is there a tackful way to handle it, or is it better not to invite since we can't pay her way? Other?




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Re: Eloping, but family member wants to attend.

  • verymegvverymegv member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    my first thought on this is you're extending payment for travel for cousin #1 becuase of her offer to babysit your children, etc.
    so i don't think you're obligated to have to pay cousin #2 simply because she has made the decision herself to go.

    that being said, i'm not sure what the etiquette situation is for an elopement and invitees. you may be opening a can of worms here by having people attend. if other people get wind of guests at your elopement, they may feel snubbed that they were left out. but again, i'm not sure.

     

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  • ggirl2001ggirl2001 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Are you close with your cousin and is that why she wants to go??
    I'm confused by this.
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  • AnniePanicAnniePanic
    500 Comments
    She is my second cousin( my cousins daughter). We have only met once when we were kids. We've connected through Facebook, our lives and personalities are very similar.




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  • CassieeKCassieeK
    500 Comments
    So she barely knows you and is inviting herself to your elopement? Weird.
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  • LoopysevenLoopyseven member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloping-but-family-member-wants-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:06953b22-fba7-4756-825a-d306ce46d670Post:81f2f315-9a6e-4a5a-add5-8f546ca76b62">Re: Eloping, but family member wants to attend.</a>:
    [QUOTE]She is my second cousin<strong>( my cousins daughter)</strong>. We have only met once when we were kids. We've connected through Facebook, our lives and personalities are very similar.
    Posted by AnniePanic[/QUOTE]

    <div>Then she is actually your first cousin once removed.  Your parents cousins' kids are your second cousins.  *useless info*</div><div>
    </div><div>Is any of your immediate family coming?  I'm guessing not since you're paying a cousin to come watch your child.  I think that's weird that your not close at all cousin would thrust herself into your private wedding ceremony.  I'd thank her for her interest, but tell her that you are keeping it private, just you and your FI but you'd love to get together some other time.  Maybe try to schedule a trip for her or you to meet up for a long weekend or something.  </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
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  • AnniePanicAnniePanic
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloping-but-family-member-wants-attend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:06953b22-fba7-4756-825a-d306ce46d670Post:84ee4274-1ee9-4a69-a380-c111dfb0f507">Re: Eloping, but family member wants to attend.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Eloping, but family member wants to attend. : Then she is actually your first cousin once removed.  Your parents cousins' kids are your second cousins.  *useless info* ;
    Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

    That's not useless, thanks for correcting me! Also, I don't feel she has thrust herself in my wedding. I don't think she knew we were eloping... I didn't announce that right away. And for FI's cousin, we are very close to her and wanted her to come before she offered child care. She's staying quite a few days in Vegas with us.




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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    If you're okay with hosting other relatives who show up in Vegas, then by all means invite.  They'd be responsible for their own transportation and housing, you'd just need to pay for a meal after the ceremony.

    If you can't afford to host a reception, then tell your other relatives that you appreciate their enthusiasm for your upcoming nuptials, but you're trying to keep the wedding intimate and the one cousin is coming along more as a babysitter than as a guest.
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  • Brandiewine11Brandiewine11 member
    100 Comments
    If you were having a big wedding, I'd say just invite her. However, I think its weird for her to be invited in your situation. It's completely fine to say no. In my family, it would also be strange to invite someone you've only met once over, say, your mother or sister.
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  • firsttimersluckfirsttimersluck member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    You are paying (graciously) for one cousin to come as a help as well. It might be wise to ask your cousin to now spread the word that you guys are paying for the travel and such, so that this other cousin, should she choose to show up, isn't under the impression that you will be doing the same for her. 

    I think that it's your wedding and you need to do what's best for you. Kindly let her know that  you're eloping as a personal, intimate marriage you want to share with your fiance'. BUT it seems that you are totally fine with her coming, so this is irrelevent.
    If she wants to come, and you don't mind, let her come. If she assumes that you'll pay her way, she's rude and totally out of line. If she already knows that you are paying for the other cousin and brings that up, let her know that she is acting as a baby sitter and witness for you guys, which is the reason. I wouldn't even feel the need to bring up her accomodations or travel plans if you let her attend.
     
    If you want to drop the hint you could say something like, "We'll be at this hotel and this airline, but you don't need to feel the need to book the same hotel as us if you choose to head this way. We know how expensive vacations can become and that there are a couple other nice affordable places nearby, if it's a little out of your range."
    That way you come off like you're helpful and wanting to let her know that there is no pressure, but making it clear that she's paying out of her pocket.
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  • AnniePanicAnniePanic
    500 Comments
    Thank you all for your input! I was at a complete loss for how to handle it. I let her know about a month ago that we are eloping, and she still seems as though she wants to attend. Ofcourse, we would host a dinner and drinks for her if she came. Dinner is very little cost compared to the cost of flights and a week on the strip. @Firsttimersluck: I will use your suggestion, copy and paste anyone? Lol j/k! thank you!




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