Flower girl advice

Kerrysousa · August 2010

I dont know what to do my flower girls mother keeps bailing out on me shes already blown me off 3 times and now im getting pissed i feel like she just doesnt want her daughter to be in the wedding and shes not telling me i dont know the mother to well because the flower girl is my moms bestfriends grandaughter. Ive actually only met her daughter in law which is my flower girls mother once. So i dont know how to go about talking to her what should i do? i have no other kids in my family and thats why i chose this little girl. i dont want to be annoying and i dont really know this girl to well to just call her and talk to her about how i feel she keeps blowing me off . if worse come to worse should i just have a ring boy and just minus the flower girl or will that look stupid?? I have absolutely no clue who else i could ask if this girl bails out on me meaning no flower girl. Advice pleaseee

trix1223 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_flower-girl-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cae39f49-28a2-4f56-aa19-c6d1765c3b4dPost:e74eb9e7-5f31-4234-9a2c-98499af39fbc">Flower girl advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont know what to do my flower girls mother keeps bailing out on me shes already blown me off 3 times and now im getting pissed i feel like she just doesnt want her daughter to be in the wedding and shes not telling me i dont know the mother to well because the flower girl is my moms bestfriends grandaughter. Ive actually only met her daughter in law which is my flower girls mother once. So i dont know how to go about talking to her what should i do? i have no other kids in my family and thats why i chose this little girl. i dont want to be annoying and i dont really know this girl to well to just call her and talk to her about how i feel she keeps blowing me off . if worse come to worse should i just have a ring boy and just minus the flower girl or will that look stupid?? I have absolutely no clue who else i could ask if this girl bails out on me meaning no flower girl. Advice pleaseee
Posted by Kerrysousa[/QUOTE]
Your wedding is 10 months away. Why do you need to get in touch with the FG's mom already? There isn't anything for her to do now, and I wouldn't be buying a child a dress this early anyway. With a May wedding, she'll be able to get a perfect dress when next Easter's dresses come out.

Part of the problem here also is that you chose someone with whom you have no connection to be in your wedding. I have to say that I wouldn't have been thrilled to have my daughter in a wedding of someone I had met only once.

And you do know that you don't have to have any children in your WP, don't you? Why would you ask a child with whom you have even less a connection that the one you have now?

Neither my son and DIL or DD and SIL had children in their WP. They're all still happily married. For that matter, I didn't have children in my WP either, and 32 years later, I'm still happily married.

Let this go until next year. There's really no reason to be worrying about it now.

stina93446 · August 2010

Just leave it be. There's nothing that a fg can possibly do for you except be cute. If she shows up on the day of the wedding with her basket and her cute dress, let her be the fg. If she doesn't, problem solved. Many people don't even have fgs and they still end up getting married. It's totally an unneccesary role. DO NOT however, call up this poor girl's mom or whoever and say "you're not my fg" or "are you in or are you out?" because this just causes a lot of stress on your part and puts this family on the spot....plus, this fg may not even be aware of what the adults are talking about....you wouldn't want to make this fg sad and upset would you?

Just let it go.

Kerrysousa · August 2010

Well it sucks that i dont really have a close connection to anyone with any little girls and my moms friend has been in our lives 4ever its too bad that its just not her daughter so i felt like i had no other choice but to ask her or not have a fg at all. The lady at the boutique told me that the deadline for all the dresses is in October so i wanted to start looking now not to buy and make a final decision but to just look at different styles plus we wouldnt do the alterations untill next year anyway so that doesnt really matter. but i keep being blown off ive made plans with this little girls mother several times already to just go shop around and not even that she just keeps ditching me and its putting me in a awkward position where i dont even know what to do. I understand i dont really need a flower girl but it is realy cute to have and i just dont like head games. so i dont know what to do in this situation

bablingbrooke · August 2010

Why would you order a FG dress in October for a wedding the following May? It won't fit come the wedding. ETA: The shop has one prerogative--to make money. So take anything a dress shop tells you with a grain of salt. You also don't have to buy the FG dress from the same shop as the other dresses; in fact, most people don't.

She's not going shopping with you because she's not going to buy her four year old a dress that won't fit. Let her buy something that coordinates with the WP one to two months out, like normal people do when they buy clothes for little kids. ETA2: Most people also just let the parents buy something coordinating for kids in the WP; I didn't shop for FG dresses and neither has any other bride I know. I sent my aunt pictures of my dress and the BM dresses and they found something from there.

Call her up to just hang out, not to do wedding stuff. I bet she calls you back.

Kerrysousa · August 2010

Thank you for your help and it makes alot of sense now but why blow someone off after you make plans for the next day??? several times too. I mean wouldnt you at least pick up your phone and say that you think its to soon or just wait it out and call me when it gets closer? i just think its so rude i would never do that to anyone.

bablingbrooke · August 2010

I agree, she's being rude. I just wonder if she's feeling pressure to do something she doesn't feel comfortable doing (buying a formal dress for her kid more than six months before she needs it and open herself up to the possibility of having to pay for two dresses if the first one no longer fits). So that's why I would suggest making non-wedding-related plans with her and see what happens. She shouldn't blow off plans, I agree, but sometimes when people feel compelled to do something for a wedding they blow it off at the last minute, rather than have a confrontation with the bride. It wouldn't be the first time I've seen that on this board.

Kerrysousa · August 2010

Well shes not paying for the dress anyway its my moms bestfriend the little girls grandmother that buying her the dress. But im kind of starting to feel like an idiot always calling and making plans with this girl and when the day comes i get stood up no call no answer no response to any texts NOTHING lol then i text her asking what happened and still no answer. Oh well now im going to feel stupid asking her to hang out just to have a good time after the fact ive gotten stood up a few times.lol

bablingbrooke · August 2010

Well if you weren't friends before the wedding you probably won't become friends now. I guess I was under the impression that you were a lot closer but after rereading your first post there are three degrees of separation here and you seemed to have just contacted her to have her kid in the wedding because you "needed" a kid of that age. I think that was a mistake.

Think about if you were in her shoes; Someone with three degrees of separation has asked your kid to be FG. And over six months before the wedding she's calling you nonstop to set up shopping dates. Would you feel terribly comfortable with the situation?

You didn't need a FG; many people don't have child attendants. We only did because we were very close with the kids. I'm sure it's too late to do anything about it, but just realize that you didn't need to fill the role and you don't need to be involved with the attire. She'll get something for the kid. But there's no need for you to be contacting her this often this far out from the wedding.

Kerrysousa · August 2010

UMmmm yah i guess i would feel a little uncomfortable but its not like im a complete stranger to the girl i mean her mother in law has been in my life since i was born but then again it not her kid either so i can see what your saying as far as that goes. ill wait for her to come around im no longer going to feel or look like an idiot if she really wants her daughter to be part of my day then she will come around if not ill just stick with my ring boy whos my bestfriends baby lol at least i can count on her not to blow me off LOL Thanks alot for your help i really appreciate it

staceytaylor0704 · August 2010

I made it easy on my FG's mom. I didn't feel like we needed a shopping trip, so I found one online that I liked and sent her the link, and she ordered it. Took about an hour total.
So, there is an idea.
Sorry she keeps bailing on you though, that sucks. I agree with PPs though, 10 months out is too soon to get a FG dress. Kids grow quickly!

PeonyPrincesskdd · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_flower-girl-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cae39f49-28a2-4f56-aa19-c6d1765c3b4dPost:e74eb9e7-5f31-4234-9a2c-98499af39fbc">Flower girl advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont know what to do my <strong>flower girls mother keeps bailing out on me shes already blown me off 3 times and now im getting pissed</strong> i feel like she just doesnt want her daughter to be in the wedding and shes not telling me i dont know the mother to well because the flower girl is my moms bestfriends grandaughter. Ive actually only met her daughter in law which is my flower girls mother once. So i dont know how to go about talking to her what should i do? i have no other kids in my family and thats why i chose this little girl. i dont want to be annoying and i dont really know this girl to well to just call her and talk to her about how i feel she keeps blowing me off . if worse come to worse should i just have a ring boy and just minus the flower girl or will that look stupid?? I have absolutely no clue who else i could ask if this girl bails out on me meaning no flower girl. Advice pleaseee
Posted by Kerrysousa[/QUOTE]

No. There is no excuse for removing a person from your wedding party.

What do you mean by blowing you off? Do you mean not returning your phone calls or emails? Or bailing out of plans? Maybe she's busy.

Also, you have a lot of time before your wedding is even here, therefore you shouldn't even be involved with the flower girl or her mother at this point.

You chose to have a flower girl, you can not remove her for any reason, let alone "blowing you off". You need to grow up. You don't kick someone out of your wedding party just because they are too busy for you and too busy to give you the time of day.. esp this early in the stage of your planning.

bablingbrooke · August 2010

Peony, start reading the entire thread before you respond. Or if you're not willing to do that, be a little less virulent in your posts. You come off so strong and many times it's not warranted, especially if there are follow-up posts.

bablingbrooke · August 2010

I guess I just found the responses odd because OP and I traded about 10 messages back and forth two or three days ago and she basically wound up saying, "Yeah, I hadn't thought about it that way, maybe I went a bit overboard, and I'm just going to let it go."

Anyway, technical glitches happen and people definitely don't always make the right decisions and I definitely understand being frustrated by what some people post on here. But knowing that sometimes posts don't show up, you may want to temper your responses just a bit off the bat.

PeonyPrincesskdd · August 2010

Alright sorry about that, I will watch out how I come across when OP had realized her faults witha follow up post

banana468 · August 2010

Thanks Peony. :-)

Kerrysousa · August 2010

Right i do agree that was a bit rude but i appreciate the apology.I realize after the conversation i had with babbling brooke and everyone else's posts that its WAY to soon to be looking for FG dresses and that i maybe am rushing the flower girls mother.But then again that's why i posted so i can get an opinion on what i should do about the situation and im glad i got everyone's outlook. Im going to call her after the holidays and start looking then. Till then i would like to keep in touch with her and not have her feel like im just using her for her little girl to participate in my wedding

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