GUEST + 1 VENT!

ndnikki06 · May 2010

Ahhhhh! I am really starting to get upset! Why is it that people think they can just keep adding people to my guest list when they were NOT invited? I have had 4 people add guests that were not planned on. My younger cousins who live at home still all are bringing a date! WTH? When I lived at home with my family and our family was invited to a wedding I did not bring a date! When you grow up and move out you'll get your own invite and THEN you can bring a guest. Am I right? Is this wrong of them? Anyone else have this problem?

loop0406 · May 2010

My friends that don't have boyfriends have made the comment that noone wants to go alone to a wedding and they will all take a date. So I guess I understand showing up and not knowing anyone but the bride and not having a dance partner too. However, if you are not okay with this and it's causing budget issues, you should address them.

OpalineTowers · May 2010

Wow, that's really rude of them. If they keep adding guests you didn't count on, I would address it. Just explain that there is a limit to the number of people you can invite.

jwang517 · May 2010

how can people be that rude? but hey, that happens. we told FI's 16 year old brother that he could bring A date (or A friend) cos we didn't want him to be over-bored with a bunch of adults and we met some of those kids several times. he ended up telling us that he was bringing "SOME" friends. FI blocked him right there and said no. but he's just 16 though.

as for the rest, we just sent out our invites, we'll see what they say. but we'll just politely say we're having an intimate wedding, hopefully those people know what that means.

ndnikki06 · May 2010

What kills me is that my aunts and uncles just let them. A family of 4 RSVP'd for 6. I can see them being too immature to get it, but the adults should definitely know better!

Nblueeyes · May 2010

Address them immediately, it is extremely rude to assume that you can bring people a guest if it is not on the invitation. I would say something along the lines of "I'm sorry but due to budget reasons I must let you know that you will not be able to invite a guest" Then ask if they will still come. If they reply "no" because they don't want to go alone then your response should be "I'm very sorry to hear that, your presence will be missed"

nboulanger · May 2010

Before I started planning I thought that dates were implied. Seriously, some of us don't have a clue. You probably should just let them know that it isn't feasible.

BoldHart · May 2010

unless the invitaion says so and so and guest they should not think they can bring a date. In the book I am reading it says if a person RSVP's for more guests than were invited (it can happen with families too w/kids not invited) you should ask your mom or FI's mom to play bad cop. Most of the time they will understand the issue and be happy to help you out by calling that person for you and explaining the invitation is only for them, not a date as well.

colsta · May 2010

Before planning a wedding, I didn't realize this was such a big taboo either. Looking back, I think most of the invites I received said "and guest" but there were a few that didn't. I remember thinking that it felt like I was being excluded because I wasn't married or engaged. And I was the only one of my friends who wasn't. From the other side, it feels kind of lousy - like I was the loser single girl who had to do everything by herself. I know the day is about the bride and groom, but just don't be surprised if some people don't want to see you get married enough to put themselves in an uncomfortable, and yes, even depressing position. For my best friends, I wouldn't care but for those 20 other "close" friends, I just skipped out. Just a view from the other side...

I think it's weird that people jump on this as if it is the rudest thing ever. I guess I just consider it awkward or only a little rude, but not horribly rude.

colsta · May 2010

Not to say I wouldn't be frustrated given the budget and venue constraints so I understand your original point and agree with the PP who mentioned having your mother or FMIL play the bad cop.

Kristin&eric · May 2010

I dont know I guess we just never had a date to bring to a wedding. I can see your frustration

shoegal715 · May 2010

UGH! SO RUDE! Sorry to hijack for a minute, but people are SO rude when it comes to weddings.. I shake my head at them. Today I went to the dentist where my mom used to work, and the first thing my dentist said to me was: "what's the date and am I invited?" Literally just jumped in like that. I said no, we're only having 60 people - just family. She goes, "whatever, I'm family. I've known you since I was 6... I'm really not invited??" .. FACK OFF.. no you are not invited and don't try to make me feel guilty for not inviting my DENTIST!

UGH! Sorry lol.. back to your problem.. I would honestly just call them and tell them that you apologize for any confusion, but there is no room for a +1. Tell them the invitation is still open for them, but you cannot accommodate their date.

fairy_diva · May 2010

Its very hard, if not impossible to get some people to understand guest list limits. I guess they think the budget is unlimited and the tooth fairy is dropping the money to pay for it under my pillow! I have the same problem with FI's family, so I feel your pain. His oldest sister goes in and out of relationships so fast your head will spin but does she get to comne alone? Nope, we have a +1 for her because whatever her flavor of the week is will have to be invited or all hell will break loose. When it comes to that I just decided 1 more mouth on my wedding day was better then listening to her mouth and his mom's for the resy of my life. I've even decided to add approx 20 people to the "guest list total" just in case some of his extended family decideds to show. Luckily our guest doesn't completely meet our venue seating we have a tiny bit of wiggle room, but I'm the ONLY person that knows that.

ndnikki06 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_guest-1-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cc1d8896-a517-4fee-a467-7b0000c437d8Post:405c116e-a611-45f5-9637-0900a9e5b549">Re: GUEST + 1 VENT!</a>:
[QUOTE]Before planning a wedding, I didn't realize this was such a big taboo either. Looking back, I think most of the invites I received said "and guest" but there were a few that didn't. I remember thinking that it felt like I was being excluded because I wasn't married or engaged. And I was the only one of my friends who wasn't.<strong> From the other side, it feels kind of lousy - like I was the loser single girl who had to do everything by herself.</strong> I know the day is about the bride and groom, but just don't be surprised if some people don't want to see you get married enough to put themselves in an uncomfortable, and yes, even depressing position. For my best friends, I wouldn't care but for those 20 other "close" friends, I just skipped out. Just a view from the other side... I think it's weird that people jump on this as if it is the rudest thing ever. I guess I just consider it awkward or only a little rude, but not horribly rude.
Posted by colsta[/QUOTE]

These are my 16-18 yr old cousins. They were invited with their parents and sibblings. I'm sorry, but when I was 16 it never crossed my mind to bring a date with my family and I to a wedding. Of course I expect my single friends to bring a date. I just think it's ridiculous to cart along all of the highschool boyfriends to my wedding leaving me a larger bill

LDYGTR13 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_guest-1-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cc1d8896-a517-4fee-a467-7b0000c437d8Post:053843c3-2bab-4112-9c55-7703f9c6215f">Re: GUEST + 1 VENT!</a>:
[QUOTE]Before I started planning I thought that dates were implied. Seriously, some of us don't have a clue. You probably should just let them know that it isn't feasible.
Posted by nboulanger[/QUOTE]

Ha, yep! I was the same way - of course most of the weddings I went to were big all out bashes where random people just showed up for the party - but still. Now I'm just hoping all of my friends are intelligent enough to know better.

As for OP - address it IMMEDIATELY or else more and more people will be RSVPing with +1s and you will have set a precedent that you didn't want to set =)

colsta · May 2010

ndknikki06

Yeah - very weird that they are only teenagers and trying to bring dates. It's a wedding, not prom. I guess I was reading it as they were 20-22 year old college students or something.

ndnikki06 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_guest-1-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cc1d8896-a517-4fee-a467-7b0000c437d8Post:27bdc92c-2edf-4555-ab82-05cdc71c714a">Re: GUEST + 1 VENT!</a>:
[QUOTE]ndknikki06 Yeah - very weird that they are only teenagers and trying to bring dates. I<strong>t's a wedding, not prom. </strong>I guess I was reading it as they were 20-22 year old college students or something.
Posted by colsta[/QUOTE]
My thoughts exactly!

merivale87 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_guest-1-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:cc1d8896-a517-4fee-a467-7b0000c437d8Post:a2452eb7-62f2-4056-9f42-8ba735bb67dc">Re: GUEST + 1 VENT!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: GUEST + 1 VENT! : These are my 16-18 yr old cousins. They were invited with their parents and sibblings. I'm sorry, but when I was 16 it never crossed my mind to bring a date with my family and I to a wedding. Of course I expect my single friends to bring a date. <strong>I just think it's ridiculous to cart along all of the highschool boyfriends to my wedding leaving me a larger bill</strong>
Posted by ndnikki06[/QUOTE]

<div>Let's be honest, at that age they could throw a fit and insist that the "love of their life!" be invited, but they might even break up the day or week before your wedding, and now you are stuck paying for these extra guests you didn't want to begin with. I'd say talk to the parents and point out that the cousins could keep each other company, rather than each bringing a date.</div>

goheels05 · May 2010

No way. Teenagers are children; they do not get dates. I know when I was that age, no matter how long my boyfriend and I had been dating, I would never expect him to be invited with me as a date to a wedding I was attending with my family.

jedaniel · May 2010

I have always wondered about the +1's also. I think I would just get the moms to do the dirty work. Ask yours or his mom to talk to the teenagers mom about not being able to bring a date. I will be recruiting my mom to do a lot of my dirty work when we get to that point. But I also know a couple of my cousins always have different bf's or gf's so I just added a +1 in my head for them. I have wiggle room for some plus ones. And over all I want people to be happy and enjoy themselves at the wedding and be able to dance with their dates. And not be stewing over not being able to bring dates.

chrisnmon · May 2010

I would politely send them an email or a phone call stating that due to budget or venue constraint (blame it on something that cannot defend itself! lol), only invited people are allowed to attend. We are hoping to prevent this issue by posting on our website, "Due to venue constraints, please no additional guests." Hopefully people will get the hint.

Butterstick · May 2010

I would defintely address it with them. They are in HS and invited with their family, so there's no reason to need to bring a date. Our rule is if you're out of college (or 22+) then you get to bring a date. So, I agree with you. Not unreasonable at all to be shocked that they RSVP'd for 6!

Xan921 · June 2010

Uhh, yeah, just tell them no. We are having a small wedding, 50 people max, so no one is allowed to bring a date unless we specifically invite them. If we were allowing everyone to bring a date, we would only invite 25 people, that doesn't even cover our imidiate families. Since the wedding is small, everyone pretty much knows everyone else, there is no one in particular who will be the odd man out. If people don't like it, tough, I'll have no problem calling anyone who responds with a +1

GUEST + 1 VENT!

Re: GUEST + 1 VENT!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards