Brother's Divorce

amadrierith · April 2010

One of my brothers will be getting divorced this year. I know he is happy for me but at the same time, I know its hard for him to hear about my upcoming wedding while his is ending. I am trying to be delicate but I want to include him because he means the world to me. We had a rough childhood and he always protected me so we have a special bond that my other 2 brothers don't have with us (My one brother and I took the brunt of my father's anger, the other 2 were spared). How do I include him without making him feel like crap all the time, if there is even a way around it.

danieliza1127 · April 2010

I'm sure he is able to separate your marriage from his divorce. If you want to have him as a groomsman or bridesman or usher, just ask him. I'm sure he'd be honored.

Or you could ask him to walk you down the aisle.

ac_in_dc · April 2010

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't think he'll feel like crap...especially if you guys are super-close. If anything, I think helping you with a wedding would be a nice distraction. Just focus on your situation, not his, unless he wants to talk about it.

I may not be representative of the general population, but when I got divorced I still enjoyed celebrating weddings with folks. Just like when I was having troubles conceiving a child I still enjoyed spending time with babies, going to showers, etc.

Kristin789 · April 2010

Frankly, I have never personally known any man getting divorced who was sad about it. They were sad when they were married and they were sad when the final decision was made to divorce. After that, the divorce process became a business process, with details to be sorted and decided - and they were pleased to be moving out of a bad situation into a future that will be better. My guess is that your brother is truly happy for you and he wishes you a better future being married than he had.

Now, if you had said that your SISTER was finishing the details of her divorce while you were planning your wedding, I would have responded differently because typically WOMEN carry more baggage after the divorce decision is made and through the divorce process.

Kati0105 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c394b802-56d7-45c1-a89b-06bd4afc5b43Post:58687e8a-1036-476a-863e-28bd261f5a0d">Re: Brother's Divorce</a>:
[QUOTE]Frankly, I have never personally known any man getting divorced who was sad about it. They were sad when they were married and they were sad when the final decision was made to divorce. After that, the divorce process became a business process, with details to be sorted and decided - and they were pleased to be moving out of a bad situation into a future that will be better. My guess is that your brother is truly happy for you and he wishes you a better future being married than he had. Now, if you had said that your SISTER was finishing the details of her divorce while you were planning your wedding, I would have responded differently because typically WOMEN carry more baggage after the divorce decision is made and through the divorce process.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

And, my head just exploded.

MeaghanandMichael · April 2010

WTF Kristin - sweeping horrible generalizations much? Good lord.

wadingmoose · April 2010

Wow, Kristen. That's... awful.

Anyway, Don't exclude him because of his divorce. Talk to him about what role you'd like him to fill and see how he feels. Work with him.

Excluding him may make him feel awful, like he's being judged for his divorce.

Only he can tell you how he feels and whether or not he wants to be involved.

alixzafiris · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c394b802-56d7-45c1-a89b-06bd4afc5b43Post:58687e8a-1036-476a-863e-28bd261f5a0d">Re: Brother's Divorce</a>:
[QUOTE]Frankly, I have never personally known any man getting divorced who was sad about it. They were sad when they were married and they were sad when the final decision was made to divorce. After that, the divorce process became a business process, with details to be sorted and decided - and they were pleased to be moving out of a bad situation into a future that will be better. My guess is that your brother is truly happy for you and he wishes you a better future being married than he had. Now, if you had said that your SISTER was finishing the details of her divorce while you were planning your wedding, I would have responded differently because typically WOMEN carry more baggage after the divorce decision is made and through the divorce process.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Oh FFS, not you again...

MeaghanandMichael · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c394b802-56d7-45c1-a89b-06bd4afc5b43Post:56c52db9-f317-411e-a9b3-dbd4a2d16732">Re: Brother's Divorce</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Brother's Divorce : Oh FFS, not you again...
Posted by alixzafiris[/QUOTE]

Again?

mandysmear · April 2010

I am sorry, are you an expert who has done hundreds or thousands of psych case studies on divorce Kristin?

alixzafiris · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c394b802-56d7-45c1-a89b-06bd4afc5b43Post:3c8fe097-8adf-4bb1-9798-9c1f866a6639">Re: Brother's Divorce</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Brother's Divorce : Again?
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

She's got to be the most annoying, irrelevant, opinionated poster in the history of ever. It's fuckirritating.

Kati0105 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c394b802-56d7-45c1-a89b-06bd4afc5b43Post:7b02f942-0761-46e2-87b5-965128bbdd35">Re: Brother's Divorce</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sorry, are you an expert who has done hundreds or thousands of psych case studies on divorce Kristin?
Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

Duh, she's an expert on everything. <~ insert sarcasm font

MeaghanandMichael · April 2010

My eyes must have glazed over her other posts. She sounds like a gem though!

Kati0105 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c394b802-56d7-45c1-a89b-06bd4afc5b43Post:39d45971-e888-4c18-8150-ff927549d161">Re: Brother's Divorce</a>:
[QUOTE]My eyes must have glazed over her other posts. She sounds like a gem though!
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

For your reading "enjoyment": <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-etiquette-advice-needed?plckShowLatestPost=1" rel="nofollow">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-etiquette-advice-needed?plckShowLatestPost=1</a>

MeaghanandMichael · April 2010

Well that teaches me for not going back into a thread I thought was going to be a doozy because of the (exact) same topic of a thread five minutes before.

crfische · April 2010

This is SERIOUSLY your first run in with Kristennumbers?

She's crazy. I ignore her. But I don't HAVE her on ignore. Seeing people like her post make me feel good about how normal I am.

mandysmear · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c394b802-56d7-45c1-a89b-06bd4afc5b43Post:27c797fa-60b5-4a43-9552-173648f624d9">Re: Brother's Divorce</a>:
[QUOTE]This is SERIOUSLY your first run in with Kristennumbers? She's crazy. I ignore her. But I don't HAVE her on ignore. Seeing people like her post make me feel good about how normal I am.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

::snort::

Kristin has been around for awhile. I think since before my time even. Don't quote me on that. I used to not even notice her to Meaghan. But, now I can't help but notice her idiocy.

crfische · April 2010

I think she was here even before Jesus was. That's why she knows everything.

Wedding Jesus.

mandysmear · April 2010

I love you, you're hilarious. That explains why her etiquette rules are so fucking outdated.

MeaghanandMichael · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c394b802-56d7-45c1-a89b-06bd4afc5b43Post:ab77fa4c-6572-471b-a281-ffb6dfdecbad">Re: Brother's Divorce</a>:
[QUOTE]I think she was here even before Jesus was. That's why she knows everything. Wedding Jesus.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Great, now you can bet your patootie I won't be able to ignore her. Wedding Jesus is kind of a big deal. You know, that whole water to wine thing was pretty awesome.

Kati0105 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c394b802-56d7-45c1-a89b-06bd4afc5b43Post:2802dde7-a962-498e-aca4-2c042fc84048">Re: Brother's Divorce</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Brother's Divorce : Great, now you can bet your patootie I won't be able to ignore her. Wedding Jesus is kind of a big deal. You know, that whole water to wine thing was pretty awesome.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

It saved me A LOT on my open bar, that's for sure.

crfische · April 2010

You invited Kristen to your WEDDING?!

Crazy lady.

Kati0105 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c394b802-56d7-45c1-a89b-06bd4afc5b43Post:17032abd-9a5c-460b-9034-bab512df0fc7">Re: Brother's Divorce</a>:
[QUOTE]You invited Kristen to your WEDDING?! Crazy lady.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Dude, she's Wedding Jesus, I had to. But she of course ran away and took her gift back when she found out about our groomsman.

amalama · April 2010

Well my SISTER was going through her divorce when my other sister got married, and despite her being an emotional woman that carries around so much, she still was okay throughout the planning and was a co-maid of honor with me. The only thing that I remember even remotely coming up about her own marriage was that she said she didn't want to be referred to as a matron. So if a WOMAN can handle it, then I'm sure a MAN who obviously couldn't have any bad feelings about his marriage ending can.

Seriously though, I think my sister got more annoyed with people constantly asking if she was alright with it all then with the wedding stuff itself.

alixzafiris · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-divorce?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c394b802-56d7-45c1-a89b-06bd4afc5b43Post:d80c8f7b-5d62-4dff-aa75-ddf8d370fe29">Re: Brother's Divorce</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Brother's Divorce : <strong>Dude, she's Wedding Jesus, I had to.</strong> But she of course ran away and took her gift back when she found out about our groomsman.
Posted by Kati0105[/QUOTE]

This is possibly the greatest thing I've read all day.

MeaghanandMichael · April 2010

Google told me this is what wedding Jesus looks like, for realz:

alixzafiris · April 2010

ZOMG.

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