After Parties

cashkitty · February 2012

Is it rude to not invite everyone from the reception to an after party?

abt87 · February 2012

what are you thinking for an afterparty? I'm leaning towards maybe rude....

chrmun · February 2012

Yes, it's rude. All of the people should be invited to all of the things.

cashkitty · February 2012

We were planning on going to a bar with the wedding party for dinner and dancing. Our reception will be done by probably 4pm and it's mostly a guest list of parent's friends. We were thinking of going out at like 8pm in a different city with our wedding party and some of the other people our age from the reception. It's not something we're "hosting" it's just loosely going to be planned for all of us to go.

abt87 · February 2012

Ah I see now, yes leave it open for the guests to make the decision. They are adults and can arrange their transportation if necessary. maybe make an announcement or something, or post on wedding website. I agree with PPs

cashkitty · February 2012

Thank you! That was a good suggestion on how to do it.

Kate61487 · February 2012

if you're inviting anyone to the after party you need to invite everyone AND pick up the tab.

If you're just going to a bar after the wedding and plan on everyone picking up their own tab you don't invite them, you just spread it by word of mouth. In that case I don't think it's necessary to make a point of telling your great aunt Sally. BUT if some of your older guests are still hanging out at the end of the night I'd think it's pretty rude to purposely exclude them - you should at least mention that they're welcome to come.

ETA: and that's what I get for taking a call in the middle of typing a response, haha. slow poke: party of me

cashkitty · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:196dd37e-43a1-4ef6-af88-37f41a930d98Post:be24a0ba-a750-404d-83d3-f728aae1476d">Re: After Parties</a>:
[QUOTE]if you're inviting anyone to the after party you need to invite everyone AND pick up the tab. If you're just going to a bar after the wedding and plan on everyone picking up their own tab you don't invite them, you just spread it by word of mouth. In that case I don't think it's necessary to make a point of telling your great aunt Sally. BUT if some of your older guests are still hanging out at the end of the night I'd think it's pretty rude to purposely exclude them - you should at least mention that they're welcome to come.
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

Those are good points too. Thanks!

chelseamb11 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:196dd37e-43a1-4ef6-af88-37f41a930d98Post:48eade34-f6f3-4ff4-b5a6-6ef7d9cd541a">Re: After Parties</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't specifically exclude them but since you're not hosting it, it's not really something you need to invite people to. You can just say you're going out with the wedding party around 8 to X bar. If anyone else chooses to show up, so be it. You won't need to spend the whole night with them.
Posted by lovethebeach16[/QUOTE]

I agree with this

graysquirrel · February 2012

If your wedding reception is really over at 4 and all of the guests have gone home, I don't see anything wrong with partying with whomever you wish. As long as they really are 2 separate events, I don't see why you and your WP shouldn't go to a bar and do what you want.

cashkitty · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_after-parties?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:196dd37e-43a1-4ef6-af88-37f41a930d98Post:c61077e0-a41e-4fcc-b996-d3e14458a246">Re: After Parties</a>:
[QUOTE]If your wedding reception is really over at 4 and all of the guests have gone home, I don't see anything wrong with partying with whomever you wish. As long as they really are 2 separate events, I don't see why you and your WP shouldn't go to a bar and do what you want.
Posted by graysquirrel[/QUOTE]

<div>I knew that we couldn't afford to really feed everyone a full on meal, so we're planning it so that it's in between meal times. We'll have some small snacks to go with cake, but we were trying to lean towards more of a cake and punch sort of reception. The ceremony is at 2pm. It's not exactly OOT for most people but it's about 45 mins away for most of the guests and 3 or 4 hours away for others so we tried to plan so people could grab dinner on their way home and we'd provide like fruit and veggies to go with the cake. </div>

toothpastechica · February 2012

Hope its a really short ceremony...if i was a guest and was driving 45minutes each way, I better be able to be in my own home by 5 for dinner if the reception is not offereing it, so hopefully you are planning it to be comepletely over by 4...imo its lousy to expect people to stop for dinner on thier way home because you would rather spend your money partying at a bar then taking care of people who took an hour and a half out of thier day just driving (and the gas for it!) plus the time to come to your ceremony. I would be tempted to not do anything after because if you really cant afford to feed people, then why are you going out drinking anyways? It isnt against etiquitte, but if i was a guest and heard about it, it would rub me the wrong way seeing as I am expected to 'stop for dinner on my way home', because you can't afford to offer a heavier meal. (ps, there are quite affordable ways to do a meal....pastas are inexpensive, or you could just do a bit heavier appies...) ...if its 3 or 4 hours away I would be pissed about it being over at 4 or 5 and then having a 3 hour drive without being fed...

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