Catholic Weddings

Hurting, part 2 question

So like I said everyone is in town for Easter and one of the reasons is that my sister's FI is getting baptized into the church at the vigil tonight.  They live about a half hour away.  I only found out that he was going through RCIA a couple weeks ago when my mom mentioned it and said that they would be going to the vigil mass in my sister's town.  Since we weren't invited, my FI and I made plans to go to mass with his family at their church on Easter morning where his nieces will be altar servers.

Now I'm wondering if we should go to the vigil tonight in addition to mass tomorrow morning.  We weren't invited, but of course anyone can come to the services.  I don't want to make a scene and it's not for confrontation reasons, in fact I hope that it'd be so packed that no one from my family would notice we were there.  I just think it's so amazing for people to decide to join the church and I feel like supporting that should be greater than any family drama.

What do you guys think?  Does it seem selfish and likely to cause a scene?  Should I respect the fact that I wasn't invited and not show up?

Thanks!
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Re: Hurting, part 2 question

  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    while somewhat overkill, you COULD go to both.

    given the family participating in both services, ti would actually be really nice to see both!  sounds too like the extra graces from communion, etc. could help you out right now since i know you are hurting/struggling wtih your family issues.
  • garzalgarzal member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Maybe you weren't invited because your sister figured you'd join your FI's family on Easter Sunday.  Since the vigil mass is longer than other masses, I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't want to impose on you having to attend that evening if you'd be attending Sunday.  I wouldn't be offended that you didn't get invited but I don't know if going tonight should be something you do.  If you feel really close to your sister's FI and want to be supportive, then I say go.  But if you're not very close then I would say just go to mass on Sunday with your FI's family.  Good luck!!

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  • edited December 2011
    I think I would just go with your original plans and go to mass tomorrow with your FI. With all that you have been going through recently, it is probably only going to make you more upset and refuel the fire.

    If your sister or anyone brings it up, just stay positive and be happy for her and her FI. While I know you feel left out, don't let them know that or it will probably just make things worse. Some things just get better with time and hopefully this will, too.

    Happy Easter!
  • mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think it's selfish to want to see your FBIL join the Catholic faith.  However, only you have an idea of how your family would react or can guess why you weren't invited.
  • edited December 2011
    Garzal and mica-  I'd be nice if the lack of invitation was because of politely not wanting to impose, but sadly it's not that kind.  The situation is spelled out in my post "Hurting, please pray" if you're interested, but I'll warn you it's a bit lengthy.

    calypso and missy sue- thanks.  I'm on the fence.  If they didn't see me, then it would be probably fine.  If they did see me and FI (and my son) then who knows... Like you said Missy, it could be more upsetting.  I will think and pray a bit more.
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  • edited December 2011
    I can't imagine that anyone would cause a scene, especially at the church, especially during such a solemn occasion. Mica is right, though.  You know your family better than we.  You are free to give your support to your FBIL and all the others getting confirmed.
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  • ring_popring_pop member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It doesn't seem selfish, and I would hope that your family would be able to rise above the drama if they did see you there... but agree with the others that only you know best how they'd react.

    Personally, I'd stay home and say an extra prayer for the newly baptized.
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  • edited December 2011
    Since you asked for opinions -

    Don't do it. While they may not cause a scene in church, it will most likely backfire later. It's not fair to your FBIL to have any controversy at all surrounding his baptism. Even if there's no scene in the church, there will be plenty of discussion after the fact, versus them concentrating on his entrance to the church. If he doesn't see you, what is the point of going? You will not be able to extend your support, which is your purported reason for going. He's not going to receive your support if he doesn't even know you're there.

    It sounds like you are hoping that by going, your family will notice you, decide that you are the bigger person, embrace you, reject Dad's nonsense, and all will be perfect. I understand your desire for that, but I doubt very highly it will happen.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_hurting-part-2-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:c6301557-1e7b-4d55-ba20-085fe393d3acPost:aaef3e8e-8f9c-4a3a-8622-c452b7ab98a1">Re: Hurting, part 2 question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since you asked for opinions - Don't do it. While they may not cause a scene in church, it will most likely backfire later. It's not fair to your FBIL to have any controversy at all surrounding his baptism. <strong>Even if there's no scene in the church, there will be plenty of discussion after the fact, versus them concentrating on his entrance to the church. </strong>
    Posted by SoHappyToBeMrsC[/QUOTE]

    <div>Exactly- it's not a scene in the church I'm worried about, it's the aftermath and you are exactly right, I don't want to take away from his special moment which is why I'd go if I was positive they wouldn't see me.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>[QUOTE]If he doesn't see you, what is the point of going? You will not be able to extend your support, which is your purported reason for going. <strong>He's not going to receive your support if he doesn't even know you're there.</strong> [/QUOTE]</div><div>
    </div><div>Good point.  I think a better way to show support is to not distract from his time and I'll send a congratulatory card with a rosary on Monday.</div><div>
    </div><div>Thanks, everyone, for all your input and support.  I feel better about not going, I guess because it's more my decision now than it was before.  </div>
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