Time Apart

Ollie08 · August 2011

So last night FI and I were talking to my mom, and she was talking about how it's so important to have your own lives outside of each other as a couple. To still maintain your independence and identity. After she left, FI and I got to talking, and we realized that over the past 2 years, we've really lost sight of ourselves and have poured everything in to our relationship and our lives with the girls. I know how important it is in a relationship to have your own activities etc, but I just can't imagine finding the time for myself without giving something else up (ie time with FI).

How do you feel about time to yourself? What kinds of activities do you (and your SO) enjoy alone or together? Do you think the dynamic changes when you have kids?

tuarceatha · August 2011

How do you feel about time to yourself? What kinds of activities do you (and your SO) enjoy alone or together? Do you think the dynamic changes when you have kids?

This has always been a big issue for me in my relationships. I have had a tendency to go all in on the time I spent with my BF. It kinda was a big factor in why I ended some of those relationships. I needed to figure out who I was, without them.

With BF, we live together which I've never had with anyone else, but he also likes to do everything together. Like all errands, chores, tv shows, etc. I guess I do too, but I definitely got sick of it a few months back. I heard myself venting to my friends about how much he likes to do with me. How it often leads to
our fights. This is because in the situation I feel guilty for wanting to go get my car washed alone, or whatever. Which is ridiculous.

As for kids, I've actually been in such a fight with him and thought to myself "I can't wait until we have kids so we can hang out with them too." Like that by having our own little people might take some of the pressure off of just us getting along... I guess, or like me wanting to go to the store with just "Offspring #1," means I won't feel guilty for not inviting BF.

Time apart is something I think he and I will always have to work on.

tuarceatha · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_time-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:26e0b9a1-d9a3-4cf8-9b44-8ada0ea39207Post:69988c66-e102-4fc3-919e-15d10e407d57">Re: Time Apart</a>:
[QUOTE]I think this is something that BF and I find really important in our relationship. I think for myself, I've lost a bit of myself in the last year just because I feel like crap all the time and don't WANT to do a lot of the things I used to want to do. However, we still do things separately and together. BF spends most of his summer golfing, and gets to see his friends while doing that. He typically goes during my work hours, so it's time I wouldn't see him anyway but is definitely something he does just for him. He also probably spends 2 nights a week watching sports on his own at night -- I used to join him (still do for Sox and Bruins sometimes) but now I use that time to watch the frivolous, girly shows I want to watch. BF coaches girls' XC and track, which is a "job," yes, but it is his choice to do it and it's basically an extra that he does on his own. He has practice every day after school and meets one night a week and most Saturdays thoughout the school-year. I go watch sometimes, but I'm not going to lie...it's a SUPER BORING sport to watch. BF also runs by himself -- he used to be an elite runner and still runs for fun. For me, I used to go bowling a lot, alone or with the league. I haven't done that in the past months because I don't feel up to it. But that was an alone thing. I also have semi-frequent girls' nights with a few of my closest girlfriends. I'd say one night a week or so I have dinner or drinks with my BFF or other friends. Yoga is something I do alone and just for me, a few times a week. I will also go visit my parents alone and quilt with my mom or hang out in my dad's workshop and talk (I love his childhood stories). <strong>BF and I are both only children. We are both accustomed to a lot of alone time and are very comfortable being alone -- and NEED alone time.</strong> So it works for us that a few nights a week we spend together having dinner/watching TV or going out, and a few nights we do separate things. Together we do pretty low-key activities: TV, playing Mario on the Wii, reading (like, next to each other...I consider that together time!), playing a game, cooking together, etc. We also enjoy going to sporting events together, going out to eat, meeting friends for dinner, etc. Both of us work a lot and work hard, so we relish time at home, together or separately. ETA: I'm sure kids change everything and people don't have as much time for alone activities (or couple activities!). I still think it's SUPER important to have things that you enjoy doing on your own. My philosophy has always been, if my relationship ended tomorrow, could I pick up the pieces and still know who *I* am as a person?
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

That is interesting that you mention not having siblings. BF grew up with a full house, where I grew up as latch-key many hours to myself kid. I think that explains a lot why he likes to do so much together, and I enjoy time to myself so much.

tuarceatha · August 2011

haha I'm a "Leo" so I love the attention--to a point.

Ollie08 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_time-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:26e0b9a1-d9a3-4cf8-9b44-8ada0ea39207Post:69988c66-e102-4fc3-919e-15d10e407d57">Re: Time Apart</a>:
[QUOTE]I think this is something that BF and I find really important in our relationship. I think for myself, I've lost a bit of myself in the last year just because I feel like crap all the time and don't WANT to do a lot of the things I used to want to do. However, we still do things separately and together. <strong>BF spends most of his summer golfing, and gets to see his friends while doing that. He typically goes during my work hours, so it's time I wouldn't see him anyway</strong> but is definitely something he does just for him. He also probably spends 2 nights a week watching sports on his own at night -- I used to join him (still do for Sox and Bruins sometimes) but now I use that time to watch the frivolous, girly shows I want to watch. BF coaches girls' XC and track, which is a "job," yes, but it is his choice to do it and it's basically an extra that he does on his own. He has practice every day after school and meets one night a week and most Saturdays thoughout the school-year. I go watch sometimes, but I'm not going to lie...it's a SUPER BORING sport to watch. BF also runs by himself -- he used to be an elite runner and still runs for fun. For me, I used to go bowling a lot, alone or with the league. I haven't done that in the past months because I don't feel up to it. But that was an alone thing. I also have semi-frequent girls' nights with a few of my closest girlfriends. I'd say one night a week or so I have dinner or drinks with my BFF or other friends. Yoga is something I do alone and just for me, a few times a week. I will also go visit my parents alone and quilt with my mom or hang out in my dad's workshop and talk (I love his childhood stories). BF and I are both only children. We are both accustomed to a lot of alone time and are very comfortable being alone -- and NEED alone time. So it works for us that a few nights a week we spend together having dinner/watching TV or going out, and a few nights we do separate things. Together we do pretty low-key activities: TV, playing Mario on the Wii, reading (like, next to each other...I consider that together time!), playing a game, cooking together, etc. We also enjoy going to sporting events together, going out to eat, meeting friends for dinner, etc. Both of us work a lot and work hard, so we relish time at home, together or separately. ETA: <strong>I'm sure kids change everything and people don't have as much time for alone activities (or couple activities!).</strong> I still think it's SUPER important to have things that you enjoy doing on your own. My philosophy has always been, if my relationship ended tomorrow, could I pick up the pieces and still know who *I* am as a person?
Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

To the first part: I guess that's part of my question because I thought that things I did alone (like pedicures, getting my hair done, shopping, a trip to the beach etc) were all things that counted. Granted I usually do most of those things while FI is working though, so it doesn't take away from our time together. For me, it seems like since we work opposite schedules, the time that we have off together, we should be spending together. But it seems like there's this requirement to take some of that time and turn it in to alone time too.

As for the kids thing, right now it helps that the girls go to their dad's house 3 nights each week. It allows us a little bit of time to just be a couple, without having to worry about them. But the truth is, when you're mom, you're a mom 24/7 whether the kids are there or not. For instance, last night I spent my entire night cleaning out the girls' rooms. They hadn't been de-cluttered since we moved in 2 years ago, and it was over due. We got rid of tons of things and reorganized etc. But the girls aren't even home. They're at their dad's.

I also tend to save my shopping for days that they're not home (I always end up spending more when they come with me), and it's just so much less stressful doing it without them there. I guess because those "free" nights are during the week when I work, I don't really have that many hours left after a work day when you add in shopping or normal house activities.

Heck! I don't even know what I'd be interested in doing if I had free time lol

Swazzle · August 2011

I agree with Liv, I'm an only child & NEED my alone time every now & then. Sometimes it's hard because BF is home from work before me, we actually used to argue about this because he wouldn't leave me alone (lol that sounds really mean) & finally I just had to explain where I was coming from & that I have to have ME time every so often or I'll go nuts. Not every day but once or twice a week. He gets it now. Also, I go out with my girlfriends about once a week & BF skateboards so he does that a few times a week also. I think alone time and/or time away from your SO (ie out with friends) is really important for a healthy relationship.

Ollie08 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_time-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:26e0b9a1-d9a3-4cf8-9b44-8ada0ea39207Post:4f5ac928-32ca-47ee-95df-1d0a874cad95">Re: Time Apart</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with Liv, I'm an only child & NEED my alone time every now & then. Sometimes it's hard because BF is home from work before me, we actually used to argue about this because he wouldn't leave me alone (lol that sounds really mean) & finally I just had to explain where I was coming from & that I have to have ME time every so often or I'll go nuts. Not every day but once or twice a week. He gets it now. Also, I go out with my girlfriends about once a week & BF skateboards so he does that a few times a week also. I think alone time and/or time away from your SO (ie out with friends) is really important for a healthy relationship.
Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

lol so perhaps it's the fact that I'm a middle child and I grew up in a very tight knit family that spent most of our time with family? I understand the need for alone time, but I guess I thought we were getting enough, but it doesn't seem that way.

[Deleted User] · August 2011

BF and I have definite alone activities. I agree with your mom, it is important to have some things that are just for yourself. BF is big into dirt biking, fishing and bowling; I'm all about lunches/shopping with girlfriends, classes at the gym and reading. We allow each other space to do those things...and I find that it actually broadens our conversations and our interest in each other.

I do think that kids will probably have an impact on the amount of alone time...but I still think it is important. Maintaining your own interests is healthy...and your family will be much happier if you yourself are happy. I do see how that could be a bit challenging during the kiddo years though.

Maybe think of it this way: do you have at least 3-4 adjectives that describe who YOU are that don't relate to your roles as a mother or a GF/SO/W? If not, maybe it's an area you want to work on. Try to pick 1 thing that you want to learn or get back into and then make time to do it. You make time for your family, i'm sure they would be happy to make time for you too!

jemmini6 · August 2011

How do you feel about time to yourself? I like having time to myself to do the few things that FI doesn't also enjoy. We work sort of opposite schedules right now, so we don't get to see each other much during the week. It kind of sucks, but it definitely makes sure we both get our alone time.

What kinds of activities do you (and your SO) enjoy alone or together? Alone, I'll read, watch girly movies, go to happy hour with my friends, etc. Together, we actually do a lot, pretty much everything else than what I mentioned. We do all of our chores/errands, we'll go to the gym, try new activities (we tried indoor rock climbing a few weeks ago and loved it, so we'll be doing that again).

Do you think the dynamic changes when you have kids? I imagine it will. Right now, we are both allowed to be selfish, both individually and as a couple. However, when we have kids, that'll obviously change. I do hope though that our interests will shift with us and we can find new things that we enjoy doing as a family too, while still getting time for ourselves and as a couple. I know from observation that that's easier said than done though, but we'll certainly try.

Ollie08 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_time-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:26e0b9a1-d9a3-4cf8-9b44-8ada0ea39207Post:3f6d4eb9-9d52-4f98-8058-7f932c71a818">Re: Time Apart</a>:
[QUOTE]BF and I have definite alone activities. I agree with your mom, it is important to have some things that are just for yourself. BF is big into dirt biking, fishing and bowling; I'm all about lunches/shopping with girlfriends, classes at the gym and reading. We allow each other space to do those things...and I find that it actually broadens our conversations and our interest in each other. I do think that kids will probably have an impact on the amount of alone time...but I still think it is important. Maintaining your own interests is healthy...and your family will be much happier if you yourself are happy. I do see how that could be a bit challenging during the kiddo years though. <strong>Maybe think of it this way: do you have at least 3-4 adjectives that describe who YOU are that don't relate to your roles as a mother or a GF/SO/W? </strong>If not, maybe it's an area you want to work on. Try to pick 1 thing that you want to learn or get back into and then make time to do it. You make time for your family, i'm sure they would be happy to make time for you too!
Posted by allusive007[/QUOTE]

I suppose if it takes me more than a few minutes to come up with an answer to this question it might be something I seriously need to work on. It is SO hard with kids though. My life revolves around them, and I feel like if I don't help them develop as people, I've failed in some way (ie, dance classes, gymnastics, sports etc). lol perhaps this has turned in to a parenting thread.

lunarsongbird · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_time-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:26e0b9a1-d9a3-4cf8-9b44-8ada0ea39207Post:5aa45c74-e856-46e9-a8f6-2fec4310a5fd">Re: Time Apart</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Time Apart : That is interesting that you mention not having siblings. BF grew up with a full house, where I grew up as latch-key many hours to myself kid. I think that explains a lot why he likes to do so much together, and I enjoy time to myself so much.
Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

This.

Andrew is an only child- So he really enjoys his "alone time." However- I could spend all my waking hours with him and be content.

But I do think it's important to try to maintain my own identity. With Andrew working evenings now- I go to the gym almost everyday.

I also used to be the organizer of a meetup group, which used to meet once a week.

When I get older- I think I'm going to garden and raise hens- that's pretty much going to be my "thing."

ravenray · August 2011

How do you feel about time to yourself? It is a good thing to have. I find myself missing it more and more as time goes on. Sadly, there isn’t much time in the day for me, except right before bed and in the morning. It is something I do need to work on a little.

What kinds of activities do you (and your SO) enjoy alone or together? BF and I do pretty much everything together. We love to go hiking, reading, watching movies, doing clay, making food, you name It we do it. Alone I like to hang out with friends, paint my nails, and horseback ride. BF likes to play pool, hang with his buddies, play video games, and yo-yo.

Do you think the dynamic changes when you have kids? I have no idea, I can imagine so. But seeing as kids are a long ways away, well I have no idea.

Ollie08 · August 2011

So how did you choose your "thing"s? I don't have any former hobbies. I guess aside from reading and making memories with my family, I don't really have anything that I enjoy... Hmmm maybe photography?

Swazzle · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_time-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:26e0b9a1-d9a3-4cf8-9b44-8ada0ea39207Post:ef224082-66f7-4b60-815c-6405380e6c7d">Re: Time Apart</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Time Apart : lol so perhaps it's the fact that I'm a middle child and I grew up in a very tight knit family that spent most of our time with family? I understand the need for alone time, but I guess I thought we were getting enough, but it doesn't seem that way.
Posted by Ollie08[/QUOTE]

<div>Hmmm I'm not sure actually. I mean I grew up super duper close with my family (parents, grandparents, aunts, & cousins I mean, we were all together A LOT) but still had my alone time like at home away from everyone if that makes sense. </div>

Ollie08 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_time-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:26e0b9a1-d9a3-4cf8-9b44-8ada0ea39207Post:22b53b5e-beb9-478a-9e75-fcacfd9d1533">Re: Time Apart</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Time Apart : Hmmm I'm not sure actually. I mean I grew up super duper close with my family (parents, grandparents, aunts, & cousins I mean, we were all together A LOT) but still had my alone time like at home away from everyone if that makes sense.
Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

It does, but I never really had anything that I did alone. I might watch a movie or read or something, but never anything like a hobby. Not to mention I kind of became a loner the last few years of high school and ended up meeting XH and spent every waking moment with him or our kids, so maybe I've never had the time to find myself.

<strong>PSA: BIRTH CONTROL PEOPLE!!!! Stay on it until you're <em>really</em> ready for kids </strong>lol

jemmini6 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_time-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:26e0b9a1-d9a3-4cf8-9b44-8ada0ea39207Post:c4225654-a9e1-42ef-965b-98365c98f1c8">Re: Time Apart</a>:
[QUOTE]So how did you choose your "thing"s? I don't have any former hobbies. I guess aside from reading and making memories with my family, I don't really have anything that I enjoy... Hmmm maybe photography?
Posted by Ollie08[/QUOTE]

My FI is actually really good at just picking something he's interested and really running with it. Before we met, he taught himself how to play the guitar. After we met, he decided that he was interested in photography. He bought a few books, a camera, and just started practicing. Now he's actually really good and has done a few photo sessions for some friends and stuff. He even did his grandma's wedding. (although, it's a very, very expensive hobby. LOL).

ravenray · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_time-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:26e0b9a1-d9a3-4cf8-9b44-8ada0ea39207Post:c4225654-a9e1-42ef-965b-98365c98f1c8">Re: Time Apart</a>:
[QUOTE]So how did you choose your "thing"s? I don't have any former hobbies. I guess aside from reading and making memories with my family, I don't really have anything that I enjoy... Hmmm maybe photography?
Posted by Ollie08[/QUOTE]

I guess my things are things I use to do before BF. I ride horses, read, and write sometimes. I love those things and I do them alone mostly, but sometimes with BF.

lunarsongbird · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_time-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:26e0b9a1-d9a3-4cf8-9b44-8ada0ea39207Post:c4225654-a9e1-42ef-965b-98365c98f1c8">Re: Time Apart</a>:
[QUOTE]So how did you choose your "thing"s? I don't have any former hobbies. I guess aside from reading and making memories with my family, I don't really have anything that I enjoy... Hmmm maybe photography?
Posted by Ollie08[/QUOTE]

I meditated on wikipedia's hobby list- <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hobby" rel='nofollow'>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hobby</a>

No seriously....I did.

csousa1 · August 2011

I think a good balance of you time vs couple or family time is relative. Just like everything else in a relationship.

For my BF and I, we love being around each other and are together a lot. We live together, we spend almost every weeknight together, and most of the weekend. When we are in good space, this is awesome. When we are in not so good space, this time may be spent having discussions or working things out, or we may increase the time apart to give ourselves some space. We sort of do that as we think we need it.

Every Wednesday night after work I go to my mom's to hang out with her and my sister. BF gets alone time while I am there, and usually he plays Call of Duty and talks to his closest friends on there (they play as well). About every other weekend, I go out with my best female friend for drinks on a Friday or Saturday night and hang out with her. This is another alone time night for BF. On most Saturdays or Sundays, BF goes out to lunch with a guy friend of his, and I don't join them. He doesn't usually have guy nights out, but I would be okay with it if he needed one. That is about it for time apart, and we are both perfectly comfortable with that.

If you are happy and healthy in your relationship, you don't need to feel like you are doing anything "incorrectly". If you feel like you would benefit from more you time, then you should look into it and do what feels right to you. You also have kids, which changes everything. That's a completely different set of rules than just couple time!

Swazzle · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_time-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:26e0b9a1-d9a3-4cf8-9b44-8ada0ea39207Post:c2a6b38e-213c-4443-aff7-0fda47bc677a">Re: Time Apart</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Time Apart : It does, but I never really had anything that I did alone. I might watch a movie or read or something, but never anything like a hobby. Not to mention I kind of became a loner the last few years of high school and ended up meeting XH and spent every waking moment with him or our kids, so maybe I've never had the time to find myself. PSA: BIRTH CONTROL PEOPLE!!!! Stay on it until you're really ready for kids lol
Posted by Ollie08[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh I totally know what you mean as far as hobbies go. I have none unless you include watching too much TV. Seriously. That's what I do when I get out of work, that's my "thing". I'm not really creative or musically inclined or a good cook/baker. I do like to read but I usually have to force myself to pick up my nook to start a new book & then I can't put it down until I'm done. I sound like a big loser couch potato now LOL </div><div>
</div><div>By the way Ollie, you sound like a great mom who puts her kids before any/everything else, you should really be proud of that!!!!</div>

Ollie08 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_time-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:26e0b9a1-d9a3-4cf8-9b44-8ada0ea39207Post:145dc49b-9a3e-4664-97cd-384eeb627550">Re: Time Apart</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Time Apart : Oh I totally know what you mean as far as hobbies go. I have none unless you include watching too much TV. Seriously. That's what I do when I get out of work, that's my "thing". I'm not really creative or musically inclined or a good cook/baker. I do like to read but I usually have to force myself to pick up my nook to start a new book & then I can't put it down until I'm done. I sound like a big loser couch potato now LOL By the way Ollie, you sound like a great mom who puts her kids before any/everything else, you should really be proud of that!!!!
Posted by rdr716[/QUOTE]

rdr I think we were twins separated at birth! Seriously, I am so there. I feel like when I have alone time, sitting on my arse, watching tv while Knotting is considered my hobby lol

And thank you, I really really try hard with the girls. You only get one chance, and I'm raising our future. It's a scary thought really...

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_time-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:26e0b9a1-d9a3-4cf8-9b44-8ada0ea39207Post:3de48fc8-caa4-4d54-b3cd-4c03e12e807e">Re: Time Apart</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Time Apart : I meditated on wikipedia's hobby list- <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hobby" rel='nofollow'>http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hobby</a> No seriously....I did.
Posted by lunarsongbird[/QUOTE]

lunar you make me LOL literally. I just bookmarked that page. I would meditate, but I don't know how to do that either. lame.

[Deleted User] · August 2011

My "things" are either things that I did before meeting BF or I've gotten into through girlfriends or because I just wanted to try something new. You don't have to put a ton of pressure on yourself here! If you want to learn about photography take a class at a local community college. If that's too much of a time commitment, stop in to a local book store, grab a coffee and flip through some photography books for 20 or 30 minutes.

PaigeMcC · August 2011

Time apart is SO important. I love FBD but I don't want him all in my grill all the time! LOL

I volunteer a lot so that gets me out of the house and I REALLY love it. I also go shopping (bc it's not his thing !LOL) and I cook and garden. I love the gardening thing bc it's something he can help with too if we want to hang out or I can just disapear into my plants.

PaigeMcC · August 2011

Clarification of the gardening thing: I garden on a deck with some herbs and tomatoes and flower. I don't have my own "garden" just my deck garden...but some day!! lol

Ollie08 · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_time-apart?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:26e0b9a1-d9a3-4cf8-9b44-8ada0ea39207Post:2f9d0db9-7209-4f6a-9910-cca03a9bda92">Re: Time Apart</a>:
[QUOTE]Clarification of the gardening thing: I garden on a deck with some herbs and tomatoes and flower. I don't have my own "garden" just my deck garden...but some day!! lol
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

lol Paige, you're more than welcome to come garden at my house. I've actually ripped out some of the plants because they were too much to take care of. Hmmm maybe a flower bed that I can photograph?? Yeah, that might work...

And I realize that I totally over think this sort of thing. I guess my mom's conversation and FI's reaction to it really got me freaked a bit. I've already had one failed marriage so I am determined to make this work, but in the process may be working too hard. I am going to just wooosahhh and relax a bit and do what comes naturally.

[Deleted User] · August 2011

I get off work at 4, DH gets off at 7. I enjoy those 3 hours to putt around the house and do whatever I want. occassionally we hang out with people sans each other, and sometimes we hang out with another couple or a group. sometimes we sit on the couch and I watch a movie or clean while he messes around on his iPad. I also teach music lessons a couple evenings a week, so I typically don't get to really talk to him until 9:00 at night when I'm done. so we really cherish our alone-time, but it's not a big deal to do stuff without each other. we just prefer to be with each other when we can!

Jeter1028 · August 2011

I highly enjoy my ME TIME. Although I'd say I spend about 90% of my non-working time with DH, we do do some things apart. He goes to quite a few races (at least 1-2 times a month on a weekend) so that gives me time to do whatever I feel like - I usually go see a movie or lounge around and read a book and eat the food that I love and he doesn't like. I also have lunch about once a month with a couple of my girlfriends - usually on a Sunday afternoon. I think it's good to get that time away - just as long as it is not spent doing things the other doesn't approve of - i.e. I wouldn't be too happy if DH went out drinking with the guys at bars vs going to races. That probably wouldn't fly with me.

Peaseblossom55 · August 2011

BF & I don;t live together. So we already have our own time when we go home. We both have our own activiites we do w/ our own friends. He has hockey, I do go and support him at his games. I have theater he supports me by coming to see my plays. I think it's healthy we both have something outside of us and the relationship to do. Time apart for these activities is a good thing. especially since we have lots of friends in common.

desertsun · August 2011

MH and I both grew up in big, close families, but we both still really love lots of alone time.

Honestly, most of the time when we're home together, we get together to eat and maybe watch TV for an hour or so. Other than that, he's doing his thing and I'm doing mine. We'll go out with friends. Sometimes we'll take a night to sit outside on the porch, have a couple cold beers, and just talk. But most of the time we're doing our own things.

My hobbies are mostly knotting and reading.

snorwo3 · August 2011

I think a lot of people get so lost in their relationships that they lose sight of who they are. To an extent, that's OKAY! (: Every person you meet in your life is going to change you in some way, so of course a significant other will change you as well. I do think it's very important to still maintain lives of your own though, which I imagine can be very difficult when you have children.

My mother was 100% devoted to being a mother and wife when I was growing up. Because of that, she never hung out with friends or really had much of a life of her own. Her and my dad are best friends and always have been, which is great, but I am SO HAPPY to see them both developing friends and hobbies now that my brother and I are grown. I find it very sad for someone to lose entirely who they are just because they are a wife/mother. Being a mother is the most amazing job in the world, but at the end of the day, it doesn't define who you are as a person and I think women should always remember that

Personally, my BF travels for his job. He's usually gone 5-9 days at a time every couple weeks.. probably 40-50% of the year total if you added it up. Because of that, I get my own time my default. But even when he's in town, I don't neglect my friends and hobbies to be by his side 24/7. I unforutnately have friends who rarely speak to me because they're so caught up in their relationships.

Time Apart

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