Breakdown

bethsmiles · November 2010

So lately I've been feeling really depressed. Every morning when I wake up I feel stressed, worried, and dreading the rest of the day. I feel lonely, friendless, and homesick almost all of the time.

I hate how BF's friends treat him and I feel guilty because I know they don't hang out with him as much because they don't like me. I've tried my best to get along with them or at least not drive a wedge between BF and them but they leave him out of pretty much everything now.

I absolutely hate the way I look. I've always had body issues but lately its been worse. Every time I look in the mirror I get angry to myself for not having more time to go to the gym and for sucking at my diet.

I guess I don't really have a question I just wanted to get all of this off my chest...though I don't really feel better.

[Deleted User] · November 2010

Sweetie - I'm so sorry you've got the blues. I'm here if you need to chat...PM or FB me.

SassyBrass · November 2010

Everyone is allowed a day like this. Just don't turn it into every day and you'll be fine.
Do little things to remind you of home. Even if it's as minute as folding the towels the way they were folded at home, or trying your luck at making a family member's best dish. And besides, a phone call is always great.
Let BF know that some man time is okay with you, and actually be okay with it. If his friends want to keep being crap hounds, BF will probably outgrow them. It sucks, but it happens.
And don't beat yourself over your looks too bad. Do something that makes you feel beautiful every day, even if that one thing isn't making it to the gym. Spend more time and perfect your makeup for that day, drive with your favorite songs that make you feel awesome. And when you do get to the gym, be sure to feel good about it when you leave there.

Like I said, everyone's allowed days like these. There's never anything wrong with having a really good cry either.
Hope tomorrow's a better day for you. It's a new one!

bethsmiles · November 2010

Thanks. I'm going home for a month in 3 weeks. I'm really excited to see my best friends again and my family! I haven't talked to my best friend in probably a week and a half but she called right after I posted this so that did make me feel a little better.

BF's friends are jerks. It upsets me to see how much they don't care about him though. He is shy and its hard for him to make new friends, I think that's why he is so forgiving of how they treat him but I think he is starting to realize that they aren't worth it.

Ugh...I think after the next 3 weeks are over and I am home and done with the semester things will be a lot better. I've made some tea too...which made me feel better. Tea makes everything better

CFar13 · November 2010

I've had some of these similar problems. It's a lame answer but: you have to find what works for you. Personally, I light a scented candle then play some World of Warcraft. That tends to make everything go away. That...or a really good book.

Find a way to escape for a bit then come back knowing that it's not all bad. Also, it's good to find something small to smile at every day. I choose my dog most days.

[Deleted User] · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_breakdown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:c9e2eaf0-9e05-44e5-a54d-685673d94fccPost:a628d255-5033-42ce-884c-3358506fcc83">Re: Breakdown</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks. I'm going home for a month in 3 weeks. I'm really excited to see my best friends again and my family! I haven't talked to my best friend in probably a week and a half but she called right after I posted this so that did make me feel a little better.<strong> BF's friends are jerks. It upsets me to see how much they don't care about him though. He is shy and its hard for him to make new friends, I think that's why he is so forgiving of how they treat him but I think he is starting to realize that they aren't worth it.</strong> Ugh...I think after the next 3 weeks are over and I am home and done with the semester things will be a lot better. I've made some tea too...which made me feel better. Tea makes everything better :)
Posted by bethsmiles[/QUOTE]

Aww Beth, I'm sorry you're feeling down... Of course, we all go through it... When I'm feeling down (for all the same reasons you have mentioned BTW ie - friends suck and body issues mostly) I take my mind off of it by reading a book or listening to some comedy...

As far as your BF's friends... my BF is the same way... he believes that he has these great friends but they are real a-holes!! He runs for everyone when they need him but they are never there for him...he is such a kind-hearted person and he just takes it... The best thing for you to do is just let him make the realizations on his own... never say anything to him about how they suck because they dont like you (which, they do! lol) Try not to say anything that would make you the 'bad guy'... When I explain to BF that the people you believe are your friends often times are not really friends I use examples from MY life, not his... So, it doesnt look like I'm just crapping on his 'friends'...

Feel better, honey! If you need to talk, we're here...

loves2shop4shoes · November 2010

I'm sorry you're feeling down Beth. Honestly, you're not seeing yourself in the proper light and perhaps some therapy could help that. I'm sure your school has counseling services...and counseling services are usually free at universities.

You've got so much going for you. You're smart, funny, extremely mature for your age, have a BF that loves you, and you're a beautiful human being (even if you don't feel like it.)

You have to ask yourself what features are you most proud of? For me, I think I have beautiful eyes, good skin, and awesome teeth. On the days that I'm beating myself up because I feel fat, wish I had bigger boobs, or am CONVINCED that I have developed a double chin, I force myself to look in the mirror and say out loud, "But you DO have..." and then I list the features I'm proud of. You should try this. It really helps.

As for your BF's friends...a similar thing happened to me. When we started dating, FI's friends slowly started spending less time with him. They were always really nice to me and seemed to really like me, but I took them not seeing FI as often really personally because I was the only thing that had changed in his life. Then I realized, it was probably the fact that FI wasn't binge drinking every night that drove a wedge between them. Also, I realized that even if I WERE the reason for their growing distance, REAL friends don't just abandon you because they don't like your SO. REAL friends are ALWAYS there for you, are polite to your SO, and are respectful of your relationship. If something as silly as not liking someone's SO can break up a friendship, it's not all that strong to begin with.

Good luck sweetie! Feel better!

AudgiePodge · November 2010

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It's tough. Just remember that a lot of people here are your friends and if you need someone to talk to, we're here.

nottheonlydreamer44 · November 2010

Awww, Beth.

Honey, obviously I have been right where you are before and I know exactly how you feel about feeling friendless and not happy with your looks. It's a constant struggle for me. I'm going to write you on FB because it's too much to get into on here.

::::hugs::::

sparkles88 · November 2010

I'm sorry you feel that way

What usually makes me feel a bit better on a day like that is some retail therapy. And luckily, it's Black Friday Weekend, so there are plenty of deals to be had! I usually buy something that's pampering and self-indulgent like a new bubble bath that smells really nice. It's also good to get something that ups your self-confidence as well. Something like a new eyeshadow in a shade that really brings out your eyes, or a lipgloss that complements your skin tone would be good. Then you'll be focusing on all of the good things about yourself (and I'm sure there are plenty!!!).

I hope you feel better!

leia1979 · November 2010

Beth, I would also encourage you to seek out conseling services at school. It seems like you've been feeling down for awhile now, and it would help you a lot to have someone to talk to in person.

Also, it sounds like you've done all you can to not interfere with your BF's relationships. It may be they will just go their separate ways, whether you're dating him or not. Don't let it stress you out (of course, easier said than done).

bethsmiles · November 2010

Thanks for all the support and advice! You are all right about BF's friends (sometimes its just hard to let it all go...I can have a bit of a temper sometimes). I've definitely been considering seeing someone, I have a friend whose dad is a therapist and I used to be a patient of his when I was in elementary school. I might see if he can see when I'm home for a while.

I am feeling better today. I have so many people at home who care about me which I have to keep reminding myself of. I've had trouble making good friends here but I'm going to start trying to find clubs or something for me to join to meet more people.

Thanks again for all the support!

PaigeMcC · November 2010

*hugs* Let me know if you need anything.

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