Question from a Bridesmaid

kmjarvey · January 2011

I'm standing in a friends wedding this summer who stood in mine last summer. I've sinced moved from Michigan to Iowa which is about a 9 hour drive away from where we grew up and both weddings are.

She's starting to plan her bridal shower and bachelorette party and is planning on having them each on a seperate wedding from the wedding. She's also talking about having the bachelorette party on Macinaw Island which is an extra 3 hours of driving. I'm starting to panic a little bit because I have no idea how I'm going to get up there 3 times this summer while still working a full time job.

I haven't talked to her yet but before I do I wanted to some outside input. Would you be upset if all your bridesmaids couldn't make it to all your events. There's 9 of us and I really don't want to try to tell her to plan her events around me. She did make it to all of my stuff so I feel like I owe it to her but she was only living about 2 hours away at the time. It's just the 9 hour drive that would kill me (btw, the plane ticket is around $600 and a 6 hour ordeal)
Thoughts? TIA!

trix1223 · January 2011

A BM is under no obligation to attend any, much less every, prewedding event. The invitations are just that-invitations, not subpoenas.

Also, she (the bride) should not be planning any of her prewedding parties: showers, b-party. If she is, it's very poor form. I'd tell her you're sorry, but you just don't have that much vacation time, and it's beyond your budget to be able to attend these events. But that you're very excited to be sharing her wedding day with her.

GL

kmjarvey · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_question-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:62af2e1d-ba36-4570-98c5-04f8567555cePost:45f862d2-3ff1-4aed-a02b-59c9eecac9b8">Re: Question from a Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE] Also, she (the bride) should not be planning any of her prewedding parties: showers, b-party. If she is, it's very poor form.
Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]
Sorry for the bad wording. She had just mentioned to me that she was thinking about doing 3 seperate weekends. Her MOH just e-mailed me to see which dates I could make. I think I'll just need to tell her I won't be able to make everything.

LoveMuffins · January 2011

Yeah, I've been an OOT Bridesmaid before and the only thing I managed to make it to was the actual wedding. I sent a shower gift, but didn't go to the event. When my best friend got married all of the bridesmaids lived within 20 minutes of all the events. We all made it to the shower, but one (who was also her FSIL) never showed up to the bachlorette like she said she would, and another BM left early. We had a blast anyway, and I think the bride would've loved to have had them both there for the whole time, but at the same time it didn't take anything away from the event that they weren't. Especially with nine bridesmaids, I would just try to make what you can, and not worry about the rest of it.

DanielleZZ · January 2011

As a bride I would not be offended at all. I had two showers so obviously not all my BM could come to both. Last year I was a BM and couldn't make it to the bachelorette party, the bride seemed to understand. People are busy and traveling costs money thats how it is and people need to be understanding. Just tell her you can't make all 3 trips.

erinlynnmccrea · January 2011

As a bride, I think I would totally understand if you could not make it to any of the pre-wedding parties. However, if you try to make it to one, I would suggest trying to make it to the bachlorette party since a shower is a lot less personal. You can also always just send her a shower gift if you can't make it. I am sure she will be fully understanding with whatever you are able to do.

SuMmErKuTiE · January 2011

One of my BM's couldn't make it to my shower and another one couldn't make it to the bachelorette. Of course I was bummed, but I wasn't upset and completely understood.

jms1019 · January 2011

I have two OOT BM, one's told me she can't attend the shower, the other said she couldn't attend the bachelorette party. I'm completely fine with this and told both of them they're meant to be fun events, not mandatory ones. I'm thrilled enough they'll be with me the day of. I was a BM in my cousins wedding on the east coast and the only event I could afford to fly out to was the rehearsal dinner and wedding itself. She didn't seem hurt at all by it. I wouldn't worry too much about it and just do what you can.

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