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October 2012 Weddings
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To Hyphenate or Not Hyphenate...that is the question

stephanieanddereksweddingstephanieandderekswedding
10 Comments
in October 2012 Weddings
Ok ladies. My situation is a little strange.  I am remarrying my ex-husband and we didn’t have a wedding the first time around.  So this time we want to do it "right" and have a full blown wedding.  Yes we have worked though many issues we had the first time around!!!!  So when we split up, I went back to my maiden name.  Since then, I have had things published at work, I have started a business at home (and starting to make a name for myself), and many other things.  I am having the battle within and with my FI about hyphenating my last name.  My mom says I should do what I want as he was the one who screwed it up the first time.  However, it was really both of us that didn’t know what we wanted.  My FI says it is disrespectful to not honor him by taking his name.  What do you guys think?
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Re: To Hyphenate or Not Hyphenate...that is the question

  • catwinecatwine member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary

    i think its great that you guys worked it all out and are getting remarried:D you could always change your name legally to your husbands but continue to use your maiden at work.  one of my co-workers did that and it's fine becuase she has always been stephanie m. at work and to to the kids she works with.

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  • ccarrion77ccarrion77
    100 Comments
    I don't think it has ANYTHING to do with "honoring" him, it would tick me off big time if FI said that to me.  The reason I'm changing mine to his is to me it represents us being a family, especially for when we have kids. I understand for business reasons it can be hard.  I've done a lot to build up my name at work and kinda of cringe at possible losing some of that.  I cringe more at the idea of feeling less like a family, but that's me.

    Whatever you decide to do, make the decision for yourself, its to big not to.  You have to decide what is more important to you and what it means to you to take his last name.
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  • aro1589aro1589 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    hyphenating is a good compromise.  i don't think your FI should have a problem with it.
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  • amyelise25amyelise25 member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    I'm adding my FI's last name to mine (no hyphen) because I want my maiden name to remain part of my legal name and because I am also published with it.  I do want to take my FI's name for when we have children someday so that we will all have the same name. 

    My goal is to go by my married last name in my social life and then go by my maiden and married name professionally (i.e., Amy Smith Jones).  Maybe in a few years or so when it seems like people in my professional life have gotten used to my married name, I may start phasing out my maiden name.  I spoke to a couple of others at work who have done this succesfully. 
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  • trawas01trawas01 member
    100 Comments
    1. If my fiance told me it was "disrespectful" not to take his name and that I wasn't honoring him, we'd have far, far bigger issues.

    2. Its your name. At the end of the day you need to do whats best for you.

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  • ericaandtom2012ericaandtom2012 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited September 2012
    It's your name, you need to be comfortable with it.  I think it's insulting that your FI would say it's disrespectful of you to not take his name.  I think hyphenating is a good comprimise, but only if you're happy with it.  For me, if I was hyphenating, my FI would be hyphenating his name as well.

    I know a few women who did not take their husband's name legally (they'd been published and/or built a reputation with their maiden names), but used it socially.  None of these women have children yet, and I know that can potentially cause issues.
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  • trawas01trawas01 member
    100 Comments
    For the record I'm not taking my fiances name. I'm published and known professionally by this name and frankly its my name. I'm happy with it.

    Kids will get his. It doesn't make me love him any less or make us any less of a family.

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  • catwinecatwine member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary
    personally, i hate my maiden name and want nothing more than to have his!  soon after we got engaged my photography business really started to take off so i regsistered it as a legit business under my new name (christina f****** photography).  people already know me as christina f which is fine by me:)

    i've always thought it a little odd when the wife keeps her name, but whatever!  i also have a super plain e-ring and an unnatural obsession with cats!
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  • julzyjulzy member
    100 Comments
    I think hyphenating is a fine option if you want to change your name. I'm actually keeping my name legally and unofficially hyphenating it. I love my name and don't feel I need to change it to make my little family with FI offical. Plus, I've worked hard professionally as well and my degrees and whatnote are in my name. He wasn't too into me keeping my name at first but now he's 100% behind my decision. I think FI needs to get over it. It's your name and your decision. Do what feels right to you!

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    500 Comments
    I'm with christianvy on more than one thing thank you very much. I don't like my last name so it was a no brainer. We have friends who are getting married and she is not taking his name. I kind of feel like (personally) why bother getting married if you are not going to take the name. Also FI said if I had considered not taking his name it might have been a deal breaker (but since it was never an issue and we are not having kids who knows?). Anywho, if you change your name send an email to your clients letting them know your new name, they will adjust! Being an older woman and at my job for 15 years there will be a lot of adjusting but oh well, people will get it!
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  • violakat03violakat03
    100 Comments
    I just got my legal maiden name back in April since my ex screwed up in the divorce papers and didn't give it back to me. After all the headache and realizing how nice it is to have a nice normal, "everyone can spell it" last name, I don't want to give it up. I also use it in my photography business.

    I am planning to hyphenate for all the above reasons and because, well, I just want to. That way I'll have FI's name for our kids (and I don't care if their teachers will call me Mrs. S, heck I'll probably sign their school stuff that way) but I still get to keep the name that is 'mine.'
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  • CFM102012CFM102012 member
    500 Comments
    My SIL didn't take my brother's name. Not for any professional reason or anything. She's the youngest of four girls and she didn't want the line to die out. Their daughter has SIL's last name and their son has my brother's last name. So SIL's family line will live on at least until my niece gets married. She'll have to decide what she wants to do when that time comes. Which won't be for a while since she's only 5 (though if you ask my brother she's never getting married lol)
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