Big Changes After Engagement?

Re: Big Changes After Engagement?

• calindi member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Especially since you are married, it should be a mutual decision at this point.  It's obviously his career, but it would be a huge change and commitment for you both.  Go with him to the recruiter (er... OSO, which stands for Officer Selection Officer, I believe, as in the people who help recruit Officers) and ask lots and lots of questions.  Any question, no matter how silly you may think it might be, is worth asking.  Know what you're both getting into and make an informed decision based on that information.  Good luck!

  
  
  
  
  
  

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• kyrgyzstan member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  There are a couple military medical personnel on the board, who might be able to answer this better, but the military is an interesting life. I love being engaged to FI, I'm excited for him to deploy, etc. 

  
  

  Doctors deploy, a lot. Don't let anyone tell you they don't. 

  
  

  Is he trying to go IRR during med school? Or ROTC? Because ROTC does add time to an already hefty workload in med school. My bestie's FI just graduated from med school, and she barely saw him without any other commitments. 

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• SarahP787

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Are you close with his parents? They might be good people to talk to about what it's like, although if him mom was a soldier as well I guess she might not have as much insight as far as being a civilian married to a soldier.
  
  The major thing to get used to about the military is how much control it has over your life. You have to be OK with moving when the Army says move, being apart from your fiance/husband when the Army says you have to be apart, etc. What the Army wants gets priority over your invividual wants everytime.
  
  On the plus side, the Army would be taking care of his medical school debt which is a huge burden, you'll get to travel around, meet new people, be supported by the many programs the Army provides to help families out, and learn a whole lot of stuff you never would have had the opprotunity to learn otherwise.
  

  

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• YoungDuo member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  I would definitely ask lots of questions PP said, no matter how silly or insignificant you might think they are. Being a military spouse has its own sets of challenges that other non military spouses don't face, ie deployments, training exercises, being told when and where to move, etc. But there are also lots of benefits too. It's something you two definitely need to talk about since when you marry him, you marry the Army. I have found that to be true as FI and I have been planning our wedding. He's only 2 hours away but he can't come home very often to help with picking out things for the wedding because the Army needs him to do whatever it is they need at the moment. It's a great adventure and it will most likely take you lots of fun places, which is what I'm most excited about!

  
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• ArmyDoc

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  First off, you both need to start gathering information now! Most HPSP students commission several months before they start medical school. The Army has filled up their spots the last few years because of increased interest in the scholarship program, so it's important to apply early. The number of spots available are based on the graduation year and the estimated need for physicians at that time. The application process can take several months. I don't know how full the Navy and Air Force have been, but the application process is nearly identical. I would encourage you both to look into all three branches and see what would be best for you. Look at the different residency programs, program locations, number of spots for each specialty, etc. He likely won't be able to get a 4 year scholarship at this point, but if he gets things moving soon, he could definitely get a 3 year scholarship. The scholarship pays for tuition, books, equipment, and a small living stipend. Keep in mind that he won't have BAH, so the stipend is the same regardless of how many dependents he may have. It's also the same stipend regardless of where you are living or going to school. In some places, this means being on a tight budget. 

  
  

  The most important thing will be your ability to be flexible. Medical school is a huge commitment, and the military can be an even bigger commitment. You'll have some choice over where he ends up for residency, but nothing is guaranteed. This would be similar in the civilian world for residency as well. Generally, you can expect to be in one location for 4 years or so during residency. Unless he washes out of a program or requests a transfer, they don't move people during that training time. After that, it's really up in the air. You can put in your top choices for duty location after residency, but don't count on getting to choose where you go. He won't be deployable during medical school or residency. After residency (and fellowship if he chooses that as well), he is 100% deployable. It's impossible to say what kind of situation our country will be in 8+ years from now when he is deployable, but plan on deployments. In the Army, they are typically anywhere from 3 months to 1 year. As an example, I deployed about 4 months after completing my residency. I've been back for about 2 years and haven't gotten deployment orders, but I wouldn't be surprised if they popped up any time. Physicians deploy to combat zones as well as for humanitarian missions. You can volunteer to do either. You can be in a big hospital or a tiny aid station or anywhere in between, so it's impossible to say what conditions and communication are like during deployment.

  
  

  I can't tell you what it's like to be married to a military physician, since my husband is a completely different MOS, but I know it's not easy. I've also been married less than two weeks, so I'm no marriage expert at this point. My situation is further complicated as my husband and I are both in the Army, so I'm not sure what "normal" is. Your husband's schedule will be similar to what it would be in the civilian medical world with some extras. They have the same restriction for hours worked, though those aren't really followed anywhere. I go in early 3 days a week for group PT. There are extra meeting and training for the military side of things. I have heard of some people being concerned that the military obligations may hinder their ability to learn during residency. I never found this to be the case. The Army wants me to be a good physician, so they make sure I get the training I need. I never felt like my duties as a soldier stood in the way of that. Yes, I'm a soldier AND a doctor, but I need to be a really good doctor first if I'm going to be effective in my role as a soldier.

  
  

  Definitely try to go to the recruiting office with him. They have recruiting offices specific for the medical fields (medicine, nursing, veterinarian, dental, etc.). Any of the branches will be willing to send him to one of their medical centers to tour and meet some of the physicians there. He can set up visits with different specialties if he has a particular interest at this point. He can also get his physical done and go to MEPS on this visit, which will save some time in the application process. You may have to pay your own travel costs as a spouse/significant other, but I'd encourage you to go along on this visit as well. Try to gather as much information as you can so that you can make an educated decision together. Again, start doing the research now and contact the recruiter because you're on a tight time schedule at this point.

  
  

  If you have specific questions, let me know. I just tried to cover most of the questions I have heard or that I had when I was going through the process. The recruiting office will likely be able to get you in touch with the spouses of some military physicians and/or medical students. They would be able to answer your questions form a different perspective than I can. 

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