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PW: we decided who gets DD if we die

HeffalumpHeffalump member
Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Woes
Last post, and then I have to buckle down and finish what I'm working on.

It took us forever, but we finally decided that if DH and I are out of the picture, we want my brother to take DD.  It's so unpleasant to think about that we blew it off for a long time and felt bad for tabling it.  I'm going to ask my brother when we see him next month, and I'm nervous--it's a big deal, and I know he loves DD but I would also understand why he might not want to.  I'm not going to tell him this, but I don't really like our other options, so I'm a little extra nervous.  If he says yes, we'll have the paperwork drawn up when we get back--if anything ever happened to us, DH and I agreed that my mom and his dad would most likely both fight for custody, and we don't want that.

Parents and soon-to-bes, who gets your kid(s) if the worst should happen?  And how did you decide?
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Re: PW: we decided who gets DD if we die

  • nicoleg1982nicoleg1982 member
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
     We have not decided yet.  We have two couples in mind.  Neither are related to us.  But we certainly do not want to have a fight or for my siblings (except one sister) to have DD.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Sadly, we'd probably end up splitting the kids up. 

    DH wants the kiddo to go to his brother. Since he's not mine biologically, I can't really argue.  I'd rather he got to SIL because I think she's a better fit for the kiddo.

     With this child, I want him/her to go to one of my sisters.  Maybe my younger one. 
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  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    we're still debating this...and it's hard.

    it had been assumed to be the Mr's parents but...I dunno.
    Either of my sisters would do it well in their own way but...they're not at that place in their lives really and I don't want to force that (they'd both say yes though)

    BIL is out.  just...no.
    SIL is a possiblity but, still difficult.
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  • hmonkeyhmonkey member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    ybil and ysil, all the way.  neither my siblings are married, and we would hate for them to take on a single parent role.  obil and osil already have two kids.  ybil and ysil are young and able to take on the responsibility. 
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  • Butter CookieButter Cookie member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    No babies for us anywhere in the near future but we would want them to go to FI's brother and SIL. I like them and their parenting style and their kids are well behaved and loved.
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    We've been talking about this in anticipation of putting together a will and living will - we'd want Wolverine to be covered if anything ever happened to us. 

    It's hard to decide - there aren't any couples that we're close enough that we'd want them to take our kid(s), and family is tough. I'd lean towards the younger of my two SILs  and her H, although my biggest concern with them is if it would be too much of a financial hardship. (Both are special ed teachers finishing their Masters, and they have a 2yo kid.) I think DK would lean towards his other sister just because they are closer, but I think the parenting style and general outlook on life of younger SIL and her H are closer to us. (Older SIL's kid is a total mama's boy, and I think older SIL's H, while a nice guy, is a bit nuts, and I wouldn't want our kid(s) exposed to his family.) 

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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    We thought we'd decided - BFFs - but that was mostly because they were our only choice. I think I want to change to my youngest bro and SIL. BFFs are just too conservative these days, and I can't imagine handing my daughter over to a guy who thinks men should ask a woman's parents for *permission* to marry her. 
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  • loveshine1loveshine1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Probably neither set of parents. I'm an only child and BIL is single, so that's not an option for us.

    It's a hard choice.
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  • Mrs.ThistletwatMrs.Thistletwat
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We were discussing this a couple of weeks ago. I originally wanted SIL but her H has some anger issues and drinks a lot. Definitely not my sister. Both sets of parents are whack jobs so it's looking like H's best friend and his wife (who I'm close with) are going to get ThistleBud. We need to contact a lawyer and get things moving.
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    It was kind of a no-brainer for us.  We agreed that anyone who got the kids would love them to death and do their best to care for them.  We knew my sister and BIL are the most like us in personality and priorities.  We knew they would keep all sets of grandparents in his life and they would make sure he was ready for the future in every way.

    When we went to have all of our papers drawn up it was interesting how easy it was to come up with names.  We had talked executor, but neither of us hesitated to say my bro.  When they asked who would make med decisions if we were both out of it, other bro was first pick for both of us. 
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  • DG1DG1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Sadly, we have not decided on this.  And I really want to, if only to avoid the fighting over them. 

    I'd really like it to be my parents. The only downside to that is that they live far away, so it would be extra jarring for the boys to become orphaned AND have to move away from all of their friends, their schools, etc. immediately after.  Though my parents might be willing to move up here, at least for a little while. 

    I think DH used to want it to be SIL and neanderthal BIL, but I'm confident that recent events have helped him wisen up.

    MIL and FIL wouldn't be completely out of the picture, but they are considerably older than my parents and are basically co-raising SIL's kids already. 

    My brother is out for a variety of incredibly obvious reasons.

    We had a friend couple who we considered, but DH really wants them to go to family, and the friend couple is a bit too religious for my taste, though there are worse things in the world.



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  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Funny that this was discussed today. My BIL just texted me to see if H and I would take their dog if he and fSIL both died...
    photo DSC_2244copy.jpg
    Crap...I Mean Crafts
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