Help!? To do a destination wedding or not? Regrets on not having a big wedding??

tessb1125 · March 2012

I really need some advice about planning my wedding. So me and my fiance live in DC but are still fairly new to the area. All of his friends and family are in NJ and all of mine are in FL. Our problem is we would like to maybe have the wedding in DC but then everyone has to travel. Another idea would be that we just go to Hawaii to get married since everyone has to travel anyways but then would we have two receptions when we get back? One in FL and one in NJ? The original plan was to have two engagment parties because both of our families wanted to throw parties in our home towns.

I really like the idea of just going somewhere with like 20 people and then having multiple at home receptions but I am worried I will regret not having the big traditional wedding. Anyone ever experienced the same problem and can share what they did?

I would really appreciate it!!!!
Thank you!!!

petebergsh · March 2012

When my cousin got married she did a destination wedding in the Bahamas and it was a TON of fun! Both families flew down as did a number of their friends, it was really special. Then her and her husband had one big reception in Indianapolis, where they live. Her family is all from Pittsburgh and his is from Toledo and people came from all over to have a really great party. It was like a traditional wedding reception but everyone was there. It was nice and laid back and she was able to wear her dress again. Both the wedding and the reception were a ton of fun and it was really great to get to know his family, which was nice that we were all together. If you want to have two receptions, then I would go for it, but I also think that people would be willing to travel for a long weekend (perhaps a holiday weekend) to DC for a reception. My cousin got married in April, but didn't have the reception until August.

ElleB87 · March 2012

H and I had a private DW and loved it. No regrets whatsoever. H's mom threw us a little shindig when we got back (by little I mean immediate family and close friends only). We were originally planning a local wedding (50ish guests) but we're both really glad we changed our minds.

Queen Jane · March 2012

We chose kind of a "closer" DW (New Orleans). Our family and friends were all over so no matter where we picked, most people would travel. Out of 180 invited we had 70 attend, it was perfect.

amys325 · March 2012

OP, we did something similar to what you are planning, but we had our DW in St. Thomas and then did 3 of those parties (one where I grew up, one where he grew up and one where we live now). I don't regret what we did, but it's a TON of work. It was fun to see everyone, but seriously I never thought it would end.

AdeleDazeem · March 2012

We did a destination wedding with 12 people in Bermuda. It was fantastic! I would never have done it any other way.

We had an AHR after we returned home in Philadelphia. My family didn't have to travel, but his did and all our friends did. I was not all about having multiple AHRs. I thought was ridiculous.

Honestly, I would have been happy with our small wedding and nothing else. My parents and our friends weren't on board with that so we did the whole party. I have NO regrets about not having a big wedding. Not one. Our wedding was perfect.

I have lots of pics in my married bio (link in siggy) if you want to see!

RyansBelovedBride · March 2012

I may be having multiple ones... because I live in the US and he lives in India. If it was just a question of NJ or FL though, I think that's silly.

Do the D.C. wedding. D.C is only a 4 hour drive from NJ, and less than a day's from FL, only a short flight if the driving is too much. Yes, they have to travel, but it's not that far and broke guests can carpool.

ChristineNB · March 2012

IMO I wouldn't do DC. I live here and it is one of the most expensive places in the country to get married. If you don't have any family ties or strong reason to get married here, don't. My family lives in Ohio and his lives in the DC area, so we are getting married in Pittsburgh, which is also the city where we met. If you decide not to go to Hawaii, is there someplace in the U.S. that means alot to you two?

direy25 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-to-do-a-destination-wedding-or-not-regrets-on-not-having-a-big-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9166639b-6092-4a64-b867-1eeb2fdcd5abPost:45274702-8d76-4eb0-8a4e-96d809dbce2a">Re: Help!? To do a destination wedding or not? Regrets on not having a big wedding??</a>:
[QUOTE]We chose kind of a "closer" DW (New Orleans). Our family and friends were all over so no matter where we picked, most people would travel. Out of 180 invited we had 70 attend, it was perfect.
Posted by Queen Jane[/QUOTE]
We did something similar by choosing Vegas, invited 180 people & had 84 attend.

We originally wanted to do the small tropical destination wedding but it didn't work for our families. I'm SO happy that we ended up doing Vegas, I think I would have regretted not being able to celebrate with everyone.

Queen Jane · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-to-do-a-destination-wedding-or-not-regrets-on-not-having-a-big-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9166639b-6092-4a64-b867-1eeb2fdcd5abPost:a969dade-6760-44f6-bec5-edbf4405c540">Re: Help!? To do a destination wedding or not? Regrets on not having a big wedding??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help!? To do a destination wedding or not? Regrets on not having a big wedding?? : We did something similar by choosing Vegas, invited 180 people & had 84 attend. We originally wanted to do the small tropical destination wedding but it didn't work for our families. I'm SO happy that we ended up doing Vegas, I think I would have regretted not being able to celebrate with everyone.
Posted by direy25[/QUOTE]

<div>That's exactly how I feel. All our VIPs and close friends were able to make it and we were so happy to celebrate with them all.</div>

goobersinlove · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_help-to-do-a-destination-wedding-or-not-regrets-on-not-having-a-big-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9166639b-6092-4a64-b867-1eeb2fdcd5abPost:e10e8a89-2578-407b-98ec-552e47e85541">Help!? To do a destination wedding or not? Regrets on not having a big wedding??</a>:
[QUOTE]I really need some advice about planning my wedding. So me and my fiance live in DC but are still fairly new to the area. All of his friends and family are in NJ and all of mine are in FL. Our problem is we would like to maybe have the wedding in DC but then everyone has to travel. Another idea would be that we just go to Hawaii to get married since everyone has to travel anyways but then would we have two receptions when we get back? One in FL and one in NJ? The original plan was to have two engagment parties because both of our families wanted to throw parties in our home towns. I really like the idea of just <strong>going somewhere with like 20 people and then having multiple at home receptions</strong> but I am worried I will regret not having the big traditional wedding. Anyone ever experienced the same problem and can share what they did? I would really appreciate it!!!! Thank you!!!
Posted by tessb1125[/QUOTE]

I understand the difficulty of having families in different locations. My family and friends are in Nevada (where I'm from) and FI's family and friends are in NY (where we live together now). We had to make the tough call to plan our wedding in NY and my family/friends will have to travel to the wedding. So I understand your predicament, BUT...

I personally don't "get" at home receptions. If you are going to have a desitnation wedding, that is you wedding. Having a second, third, etc. "reception" at home to me is like having your cake and eating it too. And I think it's rude to host a wedding-related after party sort of deal with the people who weren't invited to the actual wedding. It's AW-ish and gift-grabby to me.

Not trying to be hard, but my advice is:

Make your choice - have your wedding in ONE place (whether that be Florida, New Jersey, DC, or some other destination). Invite who you want to invite and people who can come will come. If you choose a DW, it's more likely that less people will come and that's a drawback that you need to consider. Which is more important to you.

tessb1125 · March 2012

TO MAKE THIS MORE CLEAR:

This is less of a true destination wedding and more of a close family event. NO extended family or friends will be there.

That is why I plan to have two receptions whether it be "having my cake and eating it to" (which I plan to be eating that cake around 3 times

..). I know the people that would come to my parties would not be upset that they werent invited to the true wedding due to the nature of the event. These will not be tradtional receptions either, I don't plan on renting a ballroom or doing decor. Most likely they will be held at restaurant. I am not afraid of the planning since I plan events for a living.

Thanks for all of your oppinions! I think I will just drop the traditional wedding and go for the celebration of the event.

Tahlora · March 2012

We are doing a DW with a AHR for everyone who won't be coming to mexico. Both of our families, or the majority of them any way, live 2 provinces over, would be a 14-20 hour drive for them or like a 2 hour flight. We are just going to have a big BBQ with a dance and stuff. They will all be willing to come, they don't make the trip often, or ever, and it will probably double as a reunion. And it is going to be 3 or more months after we get back from mexico. I'v only had 2 people complain so far and they live 15 minutes away from where the reception will be lol

janeash · March 2012

FI is from Australia and I am from Canada (we live in Canada) so we decided to have a DW in Maui. I am recommending it because it will be fun for everyone to just be relaxed and able to have a good time for the wedding cause everyone will be on holiday! It is a lot of work though and we are finding it almost as much work to plan the AHR as we are the small, intimate wedding in Maui. If you do decide to do it in Hawaii, I highly recommend getting a Wedding Planner.....it has been 100x easier on us because we hired one.

Good luck with your planning!

Help!? To do a destination wedding or not? Regrets on not having a big wedding??

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