what to do when a Really Really close family friend wants to pay for your wedding gown

sonjakyer · July 2012

So heres the story a very close family friend called me and told she wanted to pay for my centrepieces but she didnt stop there she wants to buy me my wedding gown as well no matter what the cost she was my moms best friend my mom passed away when i was 13 i think she feels like she would be honoring my mother by doing this what do i do should i accept or graciously decline ???

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

It's really up to you. If you're uncomfortable accepting a large amount of money from her, then you could politely decline. But that may end up hurting her feelings if this is something she really wants to do for you. I would probably very graciously accept her offer and write her a nice TY note also after the wedding/the dress is purchased.

ElleB87 · July 2012

It's totally up to you what you do. It sounds like your friend would feel very honoured to help you with your wedding since your mom has passed. Whether or not she's overstepping any boundaries is really up to you since no one on the internet really knows much about your relationship.

aragx6 · July 2012

I don't see any reason you need to turn her down. it sounds like she really wants to do this for you. If you want her to as well, I'd definitely let her.

whitney37354 · July 2012

I would graciously accept her contributions, but I would choose the dress & centerpieces that I wanted. I would be prepared to pay for everything & if she wants to contribute that's fine. I would not count on a contribution from her, but would appreciate her gift. I would not let her choose the dress or centerpieces.

I know a bride whose aunt wanted to buy her dress for her. The aunt chose the dress & had it sent to the bride. The bride ended up wearing a dress that she wouldn't have chosen on her own to please the aunt. Her parents were probably happy that they weren't paying for the dress, so they weren't going to complain. The bride & groom were young college students just starting out, so they couldn't afford to pay for a wedding.

sonjakyer · July 2012

Thank you everyone for you advice she is like a second mom to me its just so generous i wasnt sure how to react to the offer and she said that what ever i want is what i will have thank you all for your insight i think i am going to go ahead and accept her gracious offer and i will deffinitly give a thank you during my speech

secondtimemob · July 2012

What a sweet thing for her to do! I think you should definitely accept. When I got married nearly 30 years ago, my grandma insisted on buying my dress. I was so excited, and I told her I had chosen one. However, she jumped in to tell me that by buying it, she meant go out, choose it, and give it to me. Hmm...turned that down.

bonge · July 2012

I would accept the offer but i would go one step further & ask her to go shopping with you. Seeing as you don't get to experience that with your own mother i am sure she would love it. Of course that is totally up to you.

lauraanne9 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-to-do-when-a-really-really-close-family-friend-wants-to-pay-for-your-wedding-gown?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:52645560-9df6-49f9-a861-daf7e5fddb2aPost:6272bb65-e02c-4624-8158-9a522b35d152">Re: what to do when a Really Really close family friend wants to pay for your wedding gown</a>:
[QUOTE]I would graciously accept her contributions, but I would choose the dress & centerpieces that I wanted. I would be prepared to pay for everything & if she wants to contribute that's fine. I would not count on a contribution from her, but would appreciate her gift. I would not let her choose the dress or centerpieces. [/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>^^^ This. I would be concerned that if she was paying for the dress you would end up getting one that is not what you want. As long as you accept while continuing to shop for what you want, if she disagrees, tries to exert too much control, or the "no matter what the cost" turns out to have a limit, I would stay prepared to finance the dress yourself.

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TheShadyYvonne · July 2012

my mom passed away about 12 years ago also..and my aunt - her cousin..graceously offered to buy my dress regardless of cost. she dind't want to influence my dress picks or anything like that...she just said i know your mom would want the best for you..and i would be honored to do that for you. i graciously accepted and told her it waa really a sweet thing for her to do and sent a thank you note after i bought it. she was ok with not knowing what the dress looks like until the day of the wedding

and i got the dress of my dreams

what to do when a Really Really close family friend wants to pay for your wedding gown

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