Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion

HIS name change question

TangledMelodyTangledMelody
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So, for a while now, my FI has intended to change his last name to his father's side of the family(Initial B.). (He grew up with his mother's maiden name. Initial W.) 

I don't know if he'll change his name before we print and send out STD's or invites, but I'd really hate it if people got us monogram gifts with wrong initials. If he does change it, some people will  get invites from what would appear to be two strangers, because he goes by a permanent nickname! (Full name + new last name :P )

If that weren't confusing enough, I'm not 100% about taking either of his last names, because I'm an actor and both his last names are long and hard to remember. I don't even want to think about what the traditionalists will say...

I'm just anticipating an ettiquette nightmare. Please help! Thanks!


Wedding Countdown Ticker "You're a Disney princess. Girls like you don't go for guys like me." Well, I did. And now, "I do." :)Visit The Knot!
Report Reply to Post

Re: HIS name change question

  • davenport52803davenport52803
    10 Comments
    You certainly don't have to take his last name, either of them. But being an actor shouldnt be the reason why. Many actors and musicians use stage names that arent the names on their government ID, so that shouldnt be the deciding factor in your decision.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • NOLAbridealmostNOLAbridealmost member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'd just cross your fingers and hope for no monogrammed stuff--certainly don't register for any. 

    I'd ask your FI what name HE wants on the invitation but definitely mention that there could be some confusion about who he is if he uses his new name that people are not used to. 

    Traditionalists can suck it.  It's your name and you can be called whatever you want.
    image
    Fatty Blog
    Report Reply
  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    We didn't get any monogram gifts.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
    Report Reply
  • doeie04doeie04 member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    I would ask him what name he wants on the STDs and invites. I wouldn't worry about monogrammed stuff. Just donate it or turn it around on the towel rod. ;)
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • ElinetrouwtElinetrouwt member
    500 Comments
    Or, he could take your name for a change? I guess I'm not a traditionalist...
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    No one buys monogrammed gifts anymore. 
    But if you are really concerned about the guests not recognizing his name on the invitations, you could include a small calling card that says:

    Tubby Smith has taken the surname of his father's family:  Jones.
    Report Reply
  • lsvenssonlsvensson member
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_his-name-change-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa5dda85-d3cc-4870-a908-e3c457323d14Post:a1862fb3-c7d6-4894-a348-f22b05b889a6">Re: HIS name change question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd just cross your fingers and hope for no monogrammed stuff--certainly don't register for any.  I'd ask your FI what name HE wants on the invitation but definitely mention that there could be some confusion about who he is if he uses his new name that people are not used to.  Traditionalists can suck it.  It's your name and you can be called whatever you want.
    Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This. :)</div><div>
    </div><div>Also, I'm not taking FI's last name and I did happen to get a monogrammed gift (we didn't register for any monogrammed items, but I have some very sweet family who got us beautiful cake servers and champagne flutes with a monogram on them that reflects what would be our married monogram if I took his last name-- they assumed I would).  If by some chance you do happen to get something monogrammed anyway, just be gracious and thank the gift giver.  Even though the monogram is wrong, you might still use the gift (for example, we're planning to use the cake servers and champagne flutes at our reception anyway because they're so beautiful).

    </div>
    image Check it-- my planning bio! Wedding Countdown Ticker White Knot
    Report Reply
  • polichikpolichik member
    2500 Comments
    I'm a model, and I use a different name (my maiden name, actually) for anything related to modeling. I added DH's last name as my second last name, and I use both last names for all other areas of my life. It's actually been really convenient having the seperation of using two names, since nobody can find me except through my agency, which is great for personal security if it ever becomes an issue. So, don't let your profession keep you from doing what you want with your name. Re: your question, I'd send out announcement postcards/emails/whatever letting people know that your FI is changing his name. I'd do it soon to avoid confusion. And Kristin, we actually got a bunch of monogrammed stuff!
    image
    Planning!.....Married!
    Report Reply
  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_his-name-change-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aa5dda85-d3cc-4870-a908-e3c457323d14Post:44c98dbe-ddda-4d83-9854-b68b24f205f7">Re: HIS name change question</a>:
    [QUOTE]You certainly don't have to take his last name, either of them. But being an actor shouldnt be the reason why. Many actors and musicians use stage names that arent the names on their government ID, so that shouldnt be the deciding factor in your decision.
    Posted by davenport52803[/QUOTE]

    Anything can be used as a reason for her decision. She can decide she hates the letter B and use that as a reason. It's entirely her decision and she doesn't need to justify whether her reasoning is good enough to anyone.

    OP, I did not get any monogrammed stuff for our wedding. Unless you register for monogrammed stuff, I think it's not a popular option. Well, I got a picture frame from my coworkers, but it just had out first names and wedding date on it (though I think they knew in advance that I wasn't changing my last name). Most people will stick to the registry or give gift cards or cash. We had a few people give other items, but none monogrammed!

    I do think if he changes it before the wedding and you DO change your name, it will be easier to have it done prior to the ceremony, so you can just change your name on the marriage license without having to pay to have it done in court. Otherwise, it's up to him when he wants to change it.

    He could use his current last name to invite people and then after the wedding you can be announced as "Jane Smith and Robert Baker!" Thereby announcing both his new last name and the fact that you won't be changing your last name.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards