mom and sister drama

Re: mom and sister drama

• AutumnFair member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-sister-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bdadf931-acad-44d0-bf36-a598c4025d1cPost:73abc199-55d7-48e0-a99e-1a73139b3431">mom and sister drama</a>:
  [QUOTE]Hey everyone! I know most brides are probably familiar with some drama or stress when it comes to planning but i wanted to get outsiders opinions on this matter.  I am a triplet (its two girls and a boy) and i have two older sisters. I am very very close with my one older sister and always have been where as my triplet sister--we always fight and never get along. Not to mention, she originally said some very mean and unsupportive things about me and my fiance when we first were together which is about a year ago. She also had tried dating him before we were together. But i still love her and weve been getting along lately.  With that said. i asked my older sister that im best friends with to be my MOH and its been decided for some time now. Now that its time to order dresses and my MOH is different my mother and triplet sister are insisting i should ask her too. They even uninvited came to my house which turned into lots of tears asking my why i wont ask, and i need to otherwise i forever tarnish my relationship with my triplet sister.  my fiance needless to say wasnt pleased and thinks i made my choice and no one should question it or make me do anything. I just dont want to ask her, we arent close and dont get along. Its all for the image of what people will see.  Anyway its either stick to my guns and answer no once and for all and have my mother be disappointed for the rest of my life and on my wedding day in 7 months as well as my triplet sister be catty---or try to come up with a compromise (i refuse to put her in the same dress as my current MOH) I was thinking to put her in the same dress as the bridesmaid just with a different color sash and have her in the program as one of my MOH and make a speech my wedding day.  what do you guys think? sorry for the length! but i just want it to go away.
  Posted by kaitlyn&henry[/QUOTE]
  
  Your FI is right, it is your choice to invite your sister or not. Being blood does NOT give you an automatic pass into the BP. No one should pressure you into putting her in it.
  
  That being said if your mom and sister are going to hold a grudge then I would just make her a BM and go with the same dress different sash. Make sure you ask her what she can afford for the dress first because unless your mom is going to pay for it I have a feeling she would be complaining about that too. She does not have to be your MOH, just make her a BM and ignore her snarky comments,. best way to avoid it would be do not talk about your wedding in front of her. All she needs to do is get her dress and show up to the wedding, if you can focus on those requirements for her then you will get through this being the bigger person.
  
  Good luck on your decision.

  Report0 Reply
• kaitlyn&henry member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  thank you! I feel like im being guilted into this and feel like its not fair to me but i dont want to hurt anyones feelings so ill do whatever i need to for it to resolve just not compromise all of my beliefs. 

  Report0 Reply
• ichellemay1

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-sister-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:bdadf931-acad-44d0-bf36-a598c4025d1cPost:8d17d9a5-4bd2-4fe4-a711-e6df4b7879ed">Re: mom and sister drama</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to mom and sister drama : Your FI is right, it is your choice to invite your sister or not. <strong>Being blood does NOT give you an automatic pass into the BP.</strong> No one should pressure you into putting her in it. That being said if your mom and sister are going to hold a grudge then I would just make her a BM and go with the same dress different sash. Make sure you ask her what she can afford for the dress first because unless your mom is going to pay for it I have a feeling she would be complaining about that too. She does not have to be your MOH, just make her a BM and ignore her snarky comments,. best way to avoid it would be do not talk about your wedding in front of her. All she needs to do is get her dress and show up to the wedding, if you can focus on those requirements for her then you will get through this being the bigger person. Good luck on your decision.
  Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]
  
  This.

  

  Report0 Reply
• orangecrush32 member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  Wow. I don't understand the big deal. You didn't ask her to be MOH, okay, I understand a little hurt feelings. But to try to force you to make her MOH? That's ridiculous. It's not like you'd be giving her the title because you wanted her to have it, it'd be because she whined and cried and stomped until she gt her way.
  
  I say keep her as a BM and tell them that your decision has been made and then stop discussing wedding details with them.

  

  Report0 Reply
• Habs2Hart member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  What does your sister, who is already your MOH, think of this?  I would think her feelings would be slightly hurt since your mom is trying to push her other sister on you when the relationship isn't there. 

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• kaitlyn&henry member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  She is a little hurt and luckily because we are so close we have been able to talk about it and be open with one another. She is all for supporting me no matter what i do--whether it be ask her to make them get off my back or fight to stick by my choice. Im just at the point where i want it to go away with the least amount of feelings hurt. 

  Report0 Reply
• jemmini6 member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  I have two older sisters and asked the one I'm closest with to be my MOH.  Simalarly, when they both got married, they asked who they were closest with to be their MOH.  I think getting butthurt over something like that is dumb.  Don't get pressured into doing what you don't want to.  She should be happy for you, not whining because she can't be a 'MOH'...

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• AutumnFair member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  I must of misread. If this is about your triplet sister and mother being upset because the triplet sister is not MOH, then I say stick to your guns and tell them that the subject is closed. I really hate when people think they can cry, whine, complain to get what they want. I would tell the sister and mother "no" but I'm pretty hardheaded when it comes to getting pushed around and ganged up on. So it is really up to you on this one.

  Report0 Reply
• kaitlyn&henry member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-sister-drama-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bdadf931-acad-44d0-bf36-a598c4025d1cPost:74de7486-42e4-4cca-9c2b-6a6878b0383c">Re: mom and sister drama</a>:
  [QUOTE]I must of misread. If this is about your triplet sister and mother being upset because the triplet sister is not MOH, then I say stick to your guns and tell them that the subject is closed. I really hate when people think they can cry, whine, complain to get what they want. I would tell the sister and mother "no" but I'm pretty hardheaded when it comes to getting pushed around and ganged up on. So it is really up to you on this one.
  Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]<div>
  </div><div>nope this is correct...they think because she is my triplet sister i should ask her.
  
  </div>

  Report0 Reply
• garcias1 member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  I say stick to your guns too.  My FI has two older brothers.  The arrangement was supposed to be that the oldest brother asked the middle brother to be BM, the middle brother asked FI to be BM, and FI asked the oldest brother to be BM.  This was the arrangement that FFIL wanted.  That plan got derailed with the middle brother's wedding, when he asked both brothers to be BM.  Now FI asked both brothers to be BM.  No one is offended, even though FI has only be a BM in one of their weddings, and they both have been BMs in two of their weddings.
  
  Are you getting married in a Catholic church?  My priest told me that they only recognize one BM and MOH.  We have two BMs and MOHs, so we have to choose one to be the officially recognized attendants.

  
  Puppy Love

  Report0 Reply
• mystinamarie member

  

  January 2011 edited December 2011

  I think it's really inappropriate for anybody to question your decision about MOH. It's your day and who you feel close to should be your MOH.

  
  

  Report0 Reply