Shower help

califowls · February 2012

I am having a small wedding at the Old Bedford School in Bedford in July. The venue limit is about 150, and my hometown is Amarillo, so it will be a more intimate setting. Since the wedding will be small, I will be throwing a much bigger reception after the wedding in my hometown. My question is, can I invite people to the shower that will be invited to the reception, but not the wedding? Thanks in advance!

crash2729 · February 2012

I wouldn't. I would only invite the people who were invited to the wedding to the shower.

fallbride1109 · February 2012

No. A shower is for wedding gifts, therefore you only invite people invited to the wedding.

juliebug1997 · February 2012

Ditto the PPs. You're not really having a reception so much as a party. Is there a reason why you can't invite your many of your friends and family from Amarillo? Will they just not travel to DFW?

califowls · February 2012

My dad is a pastor, and all of his church ladies want to throw me a shower, along with lots of other friends of our family. He is a very well-known person in the area, and these people will want to do something, but I don't feel that it's my responsibility to have a big wedding with all of these people I don't really know just because they want to throw me a shower. I am not changing the size/locale of the wedding, but I guess I could just invite them to the reception. I just know that a lot of them will want to come to a shower, and I will disappoint either way. I almost closed down the entire idea of a shower, and opted for the reception only, but they really really wanted to throw the shower. It's too late to say no to the shower, and it's too late to change the wedding, so I thought this might be an okay option.

juliebug1997 · February 2012

I would think that situation is like a work shower in that case. Others may chime in with better advice but I don't think that you should have to invite everyone to your wedding in this case.

crash2729 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_shower-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:635bda7e-54dc-48a0-8906-54d02abe3c64Post:c4fda6ed-f0b6-43f5-b9bc-c746730a6193">Re: Shower help</a>:
[QUOTE]My dad is a pastor, and all of his church ladies want to throw me a shower, along with lots of other friends of our family. He is a very well-known person in the area, and these people will want to do something, but I don't feel that it's my responsibility to have a big wedding with all of these people I don't really know just because they want to throw me a shower. I am not changing the size/locale of the wedding, <strong>but I guess I could just invite them to the reception.</strong> I just know that a lot of them will want to come to a shower, and I will disappoint either way. I almost closed down the entire idea of a shower, and opted for the reception only, but they really really wanted to throw the shower. It's too late to say no to the shower, and it's too late to change the wedding, so I thought this might be an okay option.
Posted by califowls@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]<div>The reception in Amarillo? or are you having a reception after the ceremony. </div><div>
</div><div>I would think that this would fall along the lines of a work shower, they probably know they are not invited to the wedding.

</div>

elidellio · February 2012

I agree with PP. Normally I wouldn't invite anyone to a shower that's not invited to the wedding but if they want to throw it for you because they know your dad I think it's fine.

professorscience · February 2012

"Work Showers" are typically apart from the general etiquette rules of "everyone gets an invite."

However, if you're planning on having a bigger at-home reception, I'm confused why you can't invite these ladies (or at least the hosts) to it.

jenbob2012 · February 2012

I'm not married yet so take my thoughts with a grain of salt but... I think it really comes down to how whoever is throwing the shower decides to handle it. For example my future SIL is throwing me a shower. My fiance is from a *very* small town, basically the whole town knows him, so they wanted to throw a big shower in their hometown for all of those people. In this situation my SIL is entirely in charge of the guest list and who she decides to invite. My only job is to show up

I'm having a separate shower for the "inner circle" in Dallas. We're not inviting the whole city to our wedding and to be honest I'm sure that a lot of them wouldn't travel to Dallas for our wedding anyway, but they do know the family well and I think they're happy and excited to do ~something~. My shower is going to be at the VFW, everyone knows that it is not going to be a small intimate event and I'm pretty sure they understand that they might not be invited to the wedding. So I think part of it has to do with how big/small the shower is, where it is, how involved with planning it your are etc... in other words the more intimate the shower, the more need there is to invite the people that attend to the wedding. However, I think that if its a big shower, in a public place and there will be lots of people, more like a "party" then I think its okay.

jenbob2012 · February 2012

Also to avoid any sticky situations you could just avoid calling it a "shower."

Just say "please join us to celebrate the upcoming marriage of so-in-so" and DONT include registry information, let them call the host if they decide to bring a gift.

califowls · February 2012

Okay, I had not really heard the difference between work showers and regular showers, but I think that it does fall under that category. I am for sure inviting the hosts, but I just didn't think that I needed to invite everyone to the shower that I invite to the wedding. Thank you!

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