Frustated over venue (MOH)

KLMaho91 · July 2012

So I could use some advice! I'm MOH in my best friend's wedding. She is getting married in a year, while my fiance and I have decided to wait until he is more established in his career, and I'm done with my pre and post grad work. So we've set a date for 2 years from now. Here's where we run into the reason why I'm frustrated. The other day we were talking wedding plans when her and her fiance told me they plan to have the ceremony and reception at a state park. The very same state park that my fiance and I had our first date, where he carved our names and anniversary into a huge tree, where we got engaged and where she knew I've been planning my ceremony and reception for a year and a half....It doesn't sit well with me that she picked this place knowing how much it means to my fiance and I and knowing that we booked it before her.....Please be brutal, should I just get over it, or should I say something? I'm torn. the last thing I want to do is be selfish or start an argument over this. Especially since from what I have said, she doesn't see what the big deal that she would book the same venue as I, just a year in advance.....which is also a bit upsetting. Help?

TheSlowskys · July 2012

You have a date set but have you actually booked the venue? I think you have a right to be pissed. I think that its "your" place isn't a great excuse but if she knew you had it booked ya I would be mad. I wouldn't care if someone got married at my venue after me but if a very close friend knew I had it booked, then scheduled theirs before mine I would be really annoyed. I don't have good advice, you can mention it to her, but she probably won't move her venue and I wouldn't ask. In the future I wouldn't tell her your wedding plans. Sounds like she might not have ideas of her own.

Viczaesar · July 2012

You don't get to claim a location.

RebeccaB88 · July 2012

Unless you own the park, you don't have exclusive rights to it. Anyone can choose that location. You can be as upset as you want to be, but you can't do anything about it.

Maggie0829 · July 2012

Have you ever considered that you and your FI aren't the only one's that consider this park "their" park. Many couples may think of this place as special to them so you really can't claim it.

You can be upset all you want but there is nothing that you can do. Your friend has the right to get married wherever she wants and if she and her FI picked the park then so be it. Your weddings are over a year a part so I really don't see the issue. The place may mean one thing to them (a beautiful place to get married) and then something completely different to you and your FI (the place we fell in love). I doubt she picked it to just piss you off.

MairePoppy · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustated-over-venue-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:31db7a1e-28a8-407a-8fb3-c566dc336373Post:c5ef8b17-0dce-48fb-8806-6d6575e5812b">Frustated over venue (MOH)</a>:
[QUOTE]So I could use some advice! I'm MOH in my best friend's wedding. She is getting married in a year, while my fiance and I have decided to wait until he is more established in his career, and I'm done with my pre and post grad work. So we've set a date for 2 years from now. Here's where we run into the reason why I'm frustrated. The other day we were talking wedding plans when her and her fiance told me they plan to have the ceremony and reception at a state park. The very same state park that my fiance and I had our first date, where he carved our names and anniversary into a huge tree, where we got engaged and where she knew I've been planning my ceremony and reception for a year and a half....It doesn't sit well with me that she picked this place knowing how much it means to my fiance and I and knowing that we booked it before her.....Please be brutal, should I just get over it, or should I say something? I'm torn. the last thing I want to do is be selfish or start an argument over this. Especially since from what I have said, she doesn't see what the big deal that she would book the same venue as I, just a year in advance.....which is also a bit upsetting. Help?
Posted by KLMaho91[/QUOTE]

I think you already know you are being ridiculous. You can't claim exclusive rights to a public park or vendors for the next two years. Look at the positive side. Your best friend's wedding will give you a chance to see what works well and what doesn't in that particular park.

Don't discuss your ideas for your wedding, until her wedding has passed. I'm afraid that you will think she is copying you if she happens to pick the same vendors, colors etc...

jemmini6 · July 2012

I can see how you're disappointed, but you need to get over it. Like PPs said, you don't own the park, nor are you likely to be the only one that it's special to. Even if they don't have any history there, it could just be a venue that's pretty and fits in their budget.

Besides, how many of your guests are going to overlap? I'm guessing just a few mutual friends, but it will be brand new to yours and your FI's family. Even to those that will attend both, the same venue can be done in dramatically different ways, especially a year apart that won't make it awkward to both get married there.

You can always try to find the silver lining too...you can take mental notes at her wedding to find out what works and what doesn't work there so you can make any changes you want that will make your wedding exactly how you want it.

zitiqueen · July 2012

Good God, Lemon.

SB1512 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustated-over-venue-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:31db7a1e-28a8-407a-8fb3-c566dc336373Post:c5ef8b17-0dce-48fb-8806-6d6575e5812b">Frustated over venue (MOH)</a>:
[QUOTE]So I could use some advice! I'm MOH in my best friend's wedding. She is getting married in a year, while my fiance and I have decided to wait until he is more established in his career, and I'm done with my pre and post grad work. So we've set a date for 2 years from now. Here's where we run into the reason why I'm frustrated. The other day we were talking wedding plans when her and her fiance told me they plan to have the ceremony and reception at a state park. The very same state park that my fiance and I had our first date, where he carved our names and anniversary into a huge tree, where we got engaged and where she knew I've been planning my ceremony and reception for a year and a half....It doesn't sit well with me that she picked this place knowing how much it means to my fiance and I and knowing that we booked it before her.....Please be brutal, should I just get over it, or should I say something? I'm torn. the last thing I want to do is be selfish or start an argument over this. Especially since from what I have said, she doesn't see what the big deal that she would book the same venue as I, just a year in advance.....which is also a bit upsetting. Help?
Posted by KLMaho91[/QUOTE]

I see your from CT, which is where I live and am getting married as well. CT isn't exactly the biggest state and while there are many places to get married here, I have had tons of friends get married at the same venues in the New Haven County area because to go off the beaten path to other venues was just too much travel for some. Another thing to keep in mind if that if your friend is on a budget, it will also narrow down her options for a venue as CT can be very very expensive and budget venues around here are difficult to find. I don't know the whole story and maybe your friend has $50K to spend on her wedding who knows, but like other PP's have said I would get over it and take mental notes on her wedding day of what worked well and what didn't. If the event you are worried that she is copying you however, I wouldn't divulge too many of your wedding details in case she decides to borrow them.

redheadtmk · July 2012

You lost me at "where he carved our names and anniversary into a tree" I am by no means a hippie tree hugger but this is one of those random things that drives me nuts. State parks are for everybody to enjoy, not your own personal gradeshool fantasy. Grow up, get over yourself, and go plant a tree.

saacjw · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustated-over-venue-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:31db7a1e-28a8-407a-8fb3-c566dc336373Post:b2b11972-03f8-4375-80d6-5373f9760afd">Re: Frustated over venue (MOH)</a>:
[QUOTE]You lost me at "where he carved our names and anniversary into a tree" I am by no means a hippie tree hugger but this is one of those random things that drives me nuts. State parks are for everybody to enjoy, not your own personal gradeshool fantasy. Grow up, get over yourself, and go plant a tree.
Posted by redheadtmk[/QUOTE]

Major pet peeve of mine too. Glad someone else got irritated with it.

MoxieMickie · July 2012

If "state park" is a colloquialism for your back yard, then you are justified in being upset. If "state park" is a public area open to use by all (even those who are injuring trees), then you have no right to be upset.
It looks like you just got your first lesson that yours is not the only wedding that is going to occur in your social circle this decade. Yes, it stinks that even though this may be one of the most important events in your life, others won't plan their lives around it.

twilight.rose · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_frustated-over-venue-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:31db7a1e-28a8-407a-8fb3-c566dc336373Post:da4e13f7-dfa2-4d35-8c19-e7fc05e076a4">Re: Frustated over venue (MOH)</a>:
[QUOTE]You're being ridiculous. Your friend has done nothing wrong and you have zero right to be upset with her.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

This. Also, I've attended weddings at the same venues that had completely different aesthetics and vibes due to the color schemes, decor, and a myriad of other factors. I'm sure that, especially a year apart, nobody who is invited to both affairs will care that your weddings are being held at the same location.

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