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Just Engaged and Proposals
I know he has the ring... but why is it not on my finger?!?!
So my boyfriend and I have known each other for 10 years. We were High School Sweethearts, that grew apart when he went away to college and I was still in High School. We later got back together and are now going on 3 1/2 years, and going strong!
Last December (2008) we were Christmas shopping when he walked into Whitehall Jewelers (a store that was going out of business). He asked me if I wanted to look at engagement rings. We looked and I fell in love with one. I could tell he really didn't want to buy it with me being there so we started to leave, even though it was an awesome deal. As we were walking out, the clerk stated that if we walked out the door, it could be gone by the time we came back. It was a $3500 ring marked down to $700. I could tell it was really bothering him because he is all about saving money, but we left anyway. We finished our shopping, and as we were leaving, he stopped in front of the store, and said to me "OK, Im going to go in and buy it if its still there, but you have to do something for me. You have to not tell anyone I bought this, or bring it up to me." I agreed and he bought it, along with my wedding band.
Well here it is almost 1.5years later and I still dont have it on my finger. I dont understand what his hold up us. He has known me for 10 years. If he isnt sure about me yet, will he ever be? I am starting to get really frustrated. I did really well at not mentioning it to him, but I recently brought it up. He jsut makes jokes out of it. I dont know what to do. Part of me feels like he must know he wants it, or he wouldnt have bought it, but then again... why dont I have it yet. we are still young. I am 24 and he is 26... this is frustrating!
Last December (2008) we were Christmas shopping when he walked into Whitehall Jewelers (a store that was going out of business). He asked me if I wanted to look at engagement rings. We looked and I fell in love with one. I could tell he really didn't want to buy it with me being there so we started to leave, even though it was an awesome deal. As we were walking out, the clerk stated that if we walked out the door, it could be gone by the time we came back. It was a $3500 ring marked down to $700. I could tell it was really bothering him because he is all about saving money, but we left anyway. We finished our shopping, and as we were leaving, he stopped in front of the store, and said to me "OK, Im going to go in and buy it if its still there, but you have to do something for me. You have to not tell anyone I bought this, or bring it up to me." I agreed and he bought it, along with my wedding band.
Well here it is almost 1.5years later and I still dont have it on my finger. I dont understand what his hold up us. He has known me for 10 years. If he isnt sure about me yet, will he ever be? I am starting to get really frustrated. I did really well at not mentioning it to him, but I recently brought it up. He jsut makes jokes out of it. I dont know what to do. Part of me feels like he must know he wants it, or he wouldnt have bought it, but then again... why dont I have it yet. we are still young. I am 24 and he is 26... this is frustrating!
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Re: I know he has the ring... but why is it not on my finger?!?!
In my opinion though, just because a guy buys a ring doesn't mean he is ready to get married. He may have thought that one day in the future it will happen and he will be ready, and here's this ring she loves marked down to an amazing deal. Perhaps he bought it because he saw how much you loved it, and is saving it for whenever he is ready? This may not be true; I don't have the full story. It's just my opinion/theory lol.
I commend you for your patience though. I would have gone crazy by now, personally. Keep it up! When's he's ready to propose, he will.
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[QUOTE]Screw waiting for him, you should propose to him! That way you could plan the proposal exactly as you wish, and completely surprise him! Maybe he feels he can never surprise you now that you already know about the ring? I nearly proposed to my FI, in fact, I planned a proposal and he ended up proposing 3 days before I did haha. Either way, I think it's silly to have to wait for the guy to always do it. Some men need a little encouragement.
Posted by JHS16[/QUOTE]
<div>I actually asked him if he was open to that... I would have bought him a pretty spiffy engagement ring and everything. But it definitely would have made him feel uncomfortable.</div><div>
</div><div>I would share why it's important to him that he give me a nice ring, but I received so many nasty/petty comments that it's not worth sharing again. He means well. He always wants to give me the best he can... He's a sweetie and I've loved him for this long with no ring, so a big shiny thing is just a bonus! </div>
My point is that, even though I was crazy for all those months after he got the ring, my proposal was better that I could ever imagine him planning. I think you have a right to ask what is going on though...at least to ask if he does want to marry you. Good luck!!!!
If you want my blunt reply... If he hasn't asked you to marry you, yet... then he isn't ready to marry you, yet.
I am in almost the EXACT same position. I know he has the ring in a bank safe but is just waiting to propose. He will not get married unitl he finishes school ( he's getting his PH.D) and gets a job. Most guys just want to know they can provide for their family and know they are ready for the committment. We see marriage as being with our partners forever and loving them but they see marriage as being able to be the providers and do not want to be weak.
Atleast thats how I feel.
I think you should have a serious conversation with him about this. He might not even know how difficult this is for you, and talking about it will probably make both of you feel better about the situation.
[QUOTE]I had no idea mine was coming and FI wanted it that way. In fact my MOH just got engaged herself soon after making the flight and hotel arrangements for my wedding. She's been with her BF well now FI for 5 years and has seen all of our friends including myself get engaged ( I was the one right before her) and she was getting upset at times because they had been togther longer than all these people except my FI and I. She's been wondering for over a year and every time she thought it was coming it didn't. She actually called me one night to vent because she was sure on their anniversary he would propose and didn't. He was waiting until she had absolutely no idea it was coming and proposed when everyone least expected it, caught her completely off guard by proposing on his birthday of all days. He was right though she wouldn't expect it on his birthday and she's been watching him like a hawk so he had to be really sneaky. You're time will come. Maybe you should sit him down and find out what his intentions are, but don't bring up the ring.
Posted by amwilli5[/QUOTE]
Haha! My guy did the same thing as your MOH's guy. I got home from work and asked how his birthday had been, and he said "great! Want to make it even better?" and proposed. And this way I'll never forget the date of the proposal! :-)
As for the original question, there could be so many reasons he hasn't popped the question yet. A lot of guys worry about things that don't really occur to us as reasons not to propose, such as not having very much money to invest in a wedding or a home after the wedding, uncertain job prospects, or (as so many others have said) really wanting to surprise you at the perfect moment. I was convinced every gift-giving holiday that my FH was going to propose, and all it did was make that holiday depressing when it didn't happen. So, I just stopped worrying about it and instead enjoyed the relationship we have (married or not), and he got it together when he was darn good and ready. It all worked out in the end!
[QUOTE]I am in almost the EXACT same position. I know he has the ring in a bank safe but is just waiting to propose. He will not get married unitl he finishes school ( he's getting his PH.D) and gets a job. Most guys just want to know they can provide for their family and know they are ready for the committment. We see marriage as being with our partners forever and loving them but they see marriage as being able to be the providers and do not want to be weak. Atleast thats how I feel.
Posted by eddiesgirl11[/QUOTE]
<div>This is how we are. I see marriage as being with him forever- and I'm ready for that now. However, he sees marriage as protecting me and providing for me. Even though I know I'm getting my ring in a couple of months, I know he is really planning out the financial side of it, applying for a promotion, etc. Maybe your BF is just worried/planning the more logistical side of it. It can be kind of scary to think that you will now have someone else to provide for and take care of. I know my BF wants to/will marry me, and I'm definitely anxious for my ring, but I know he's trying to keep the level head and make sure we can afford to get married- not just livin' on love!</div>
He bought the ring online and showed me the picture of it the morning of my first day of classes for the semester. Of course I freaked out and couldn't stop smiling! Then he told me "There's a catch..." He said he would not propose and make it official until I did REALLY well in school this semester and the time after semester's end had to be just right. He just wanted to give me some extra incentive... Needless to say the idea of a big sparkly diamond gave me all the motivation in the world and I fulfilled my end of the deal. Now the semester is over and I know it's coming any time now...
Now that it's SO close I can't wait! I don't really bring it up and pester him about it, but he brings it up a lot! We have our anniversary, my birthday, his birthday, and some other big days coming up. I'll mention what I want for my birthday and he'll say "Oh, I was going to give you your ring..." or I'll bring up anniversary plans and he brings up the ring.
Knowing what the ring looks like also raises the anticipation. I want to know how it looks on my finger! I've even gone as far as keeping my nails perfectly polished just in case. It seems sad, I know, but it's the one thing I can do to keep from pestering him about it.
Going crazy here! Now that I don't have school to focus on for a while, all I can think about is that ring and the proposal! Nothing like hurrying up and waiting!