thank you all for your honesty.

amongthelilies25 · February 2011

i am actually feeling better. (well ...not after reading multiple posts that ppl think i should reevaluate my choice in a FH. lol)

i spent some time alone with God last night and was journaling a lot. i do trust my FI. the enemy is just trying to put lies in my head. my FI fights for me and doesnt "allow" people (pastors or not) to talk about me. He has stood up to them and have pointed in their face and said "no. you are wrong!" and walked away. along with multipile other times...they know not to talk about me. yes...he is not being completely honest about this whole engagement thing..but it is not because he is ashamed of it..or doesnt want to brag about me. unfortunately...its just where we are at right now.

venting doesnt get the whole truth across...i was speaking (or typing lol) out of anger and frustration for something that was silly and petty.

yes, this situation is tough....but it is worth it. I cannot for a second deny that God has worked in my FI's life and has changed him for the better. He went there to become a better man - to be a better husband to me and better father to our future children..NOTHING has changed in that area.

my pastor always says "you dont eat chicken for the bones...you spit them out" so yes...there are things at the school that we dont agree with....and we "spit out the bones" when we get advice from others. but there is A LOT of good that has come out of this school.

My FI does not have doubt about our future marriage, and that is why he gave me a ring and promised himself to me. we are young..yes...and still learning and growing..yes. BUT i KNOW that we are meant for each other. he is the best for me..and i am the best for him. we fit perfectly together and we fit perfectly in each other's families. I believe that we do have love, respect, trust, and long-term compatibility. yes..i made it sound like i dont trust him..BUT I DO. the enemy stole my joy, my peace, and was trying to destroy me and my relationship. but i am taking back the ground that he tried to take.

i did talk to my FI last night directly. we talked it out and he calmed my fears and anxieties. He is a very good man....and i couldnt be more proud of him. I know its easy to see a glimpse of a relationship and make conclusions...but i am his rib. i know it. sure..maybe a year isnt a long time before getting engaged..but our relationship HAS stood the test of time, i believe, and i do not doubt.

i choose to listen to the promises of God and to silence the voice of the enemy!

BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe · February 2011

Yes!! That's so wonderful!!

I'm so glad you talked to FI and he could reassure you. He's definitely committed to you and loves you, as he's bettering himself for you and your relationship (of course for himself and for the Lord).

No worries on being young - when you fit, you fit. When you are his rib - you are his rib. I'm glad you are at peace and taking back your ground!!

You're (your FI's) almost done - keep hanging in there.

Prayers are still coming your way for continued peace and reassurance - you can never have too much!!

amongthelilies25 · February 2011

b2b! thank you sooo much!!! (: i appreciate it!!! (:

it isnt that much longer.....and i am soo happy with my FI! NO ONE could make me happier then he does.

sister2groom · February 2011

I'll be praying for you, sounds like a tough situation.

I know this is late, but just wanted to add something because I don't think your FI should feel obligated to continue with his commitment. In fact we are told to reject false prophets, and I'm pretty sure a pastor who says without explanation or justification that you are not "God's plan" for your FI is borderline if not actually blasphemous. He's putting words in God's mouth, and if it they are false then that blasphemy and if they're true and he actually somehow did know that you weren't right for eachother as a pastor and as your FI's mentor he would have an obligation to explain why.

I know you paid the tuition and is learning there, but sometimes it's just wiser to cut your losses because God can teach him through other means in another place.

Just because your FI has become a better man during this time does not mean necessarily he should stay for the rest of the school year, God can work through (and despite) circumstances or situations, so your FI's improvement does not necessarily reflect on the school.

Also, I know your FI feels he made a commitment to God, but if you make a commitment in good faith and then you find out things that make the commitment untenable, like a controlling, blasphemous and manipulative mentor who is hurting more than he is helping (affecting your relationship, a means of tempting FI to live and tell a lie), I don't think God would necessarily want you to hold to that commitment.

Also, your FI did make a commitment before God to you, as his future wife, and it seems like this school commitment is a thorn in the side of his commitment to you.

amongthelilies25 · February 2011

yes...i understand that.

but he really wants to finish out his committment. and all the reasons you stated is why he is not going back next year (he is the ONLY one not returning for second year).

the reason why the pastor does not believe that we are meant for eachother is because we were "intimate" before marriage. me and FI have recommitted our lives to purity and have very strict physical boundaries now. we know that we are forgiven and that that is who we WERE and not who we are any longer.

i KNOW that when the pastor actually spends time with me then he will like me...not that i NEED his approval..because i dont.

the committment between him and i is not broken at all. and just because he isnt screaming to everyone "i'm engaged i'm engaged!" doesnt mean that his actions done speak that...or his heart.

BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe · February 2011

[QUOTE]I'll be praying for you, sounds like a tough situation. I know this is late, but just wanted to add something because I don't think your FI should feel obligated to continue with his commitment. In fact we are told to reject false prophets, and <strong>I'm pretty sure a pastor who says without explanation or justification that you are not "God's plan" for your FI is borderline if not actually blasphemous. He's putting words in God's mouth, and if it they are false then that blasphemy</strong> and if they're true and he actually somehow did know that you weren't right for eachother as a pastor and as your FI's mentor he would have an obligation to explain why. I know you paid the tuition and is learning there, but sometimes it's just wiser to cut your losses because God can teach him through other means in another place. Just because your FI has become a better man during this time does not mean necessarily he should stay for the rest of the school year, God can work through (and despite) circumstances or situations, so your FI's improvement does not necessarily reflect on the school. <strong>Also, I know your FI feels he made a commitment to God, but if you make a commitment in good faith and then you find out things that make the commitment untenable, like a controlling, blasphemous and manipulative mentor who is hurting more than he is helping (affecting your relationship, a means of tempting FI to live and tell a lie), I don't think God would necessarily want you to hold to that commitment. </strong>Also, your FI did make a commitment before God to you, as his future wife, and it seems like this school commitment is a thorn in the side of his commitment to you.
Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]

I tend to agree with those two thoughts - but I know you both are just going to hold onto the next two months or so and then go from there. I don't necessarily believe these problems are what God had in store - but I do understand wanting to do what you feel is right and that this could be a test for you both.

I've said everything else already, so I won't repeat - but hang in there, and do what you both feel is right. Pray about it, and try to stay motivated through Him.

leahkate · February 2011

So the pastor doesn't think you are good enough for him because you guys had sex? I hate to tell him, but it takes two to tango. What makes it ok for your FI?

It also concerns me that your FI needed his mother's permission to propose. What's up with that?

joyfulbride424 · February 2011

lillies - glad to hear things are going better for you. I will continue to pray for your situation. I think it's admirable that he's finishing out the year and not going back for a second year - I think it proves that he is dilligent and yet makes his own choices.

::hugs::

thank you all for your honesty.

Re: thank you all for your honesty.

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