XP: Bachelorette Party Frustration

SFlvr83 · May 2012

Originally my bachelorette party was supposed to be in Vegas, but I changed it to go wine tasting instead because most people I invited said they couldn't afford to go to Vegas (due to flights, hotel, etc). I had 9 people confirm for wine tasting, so my bridesmaid who is planning booked a hotel and limo for wine tasting, using her credit card for a deposit. Now, about a month before the party, no one has sent her money and people are dropping like flies. We are down to me and three BM. One BM said she is a maybe...she is a teacher so I chose the date based on when she would be done with school for the summer...not sure why she won't commit. My sister (BM) and one other BM are now saying it's all too expensive and we should do something else (but they were all for Vegas which would have been at least twice as much). I'm so frustrated, and I feel bad for my BM who is planning the whole thing (FI's sister). I am to the point where I just want to say forget the whole thing and just not have one. I don't understand why my "friends" are all flaking...

jennc82512 · May 2012

Im right there with you, we are planning my bach party as we speak and one of my BM is getting me such a hard time about money and coming up with all these excuses when in reality im not asking much. Im not asking for anything really besides coming out and being with the rest of the group. Im so over "group" things and glad after this all i have to worry about is me or my FI feelings!

rungirl12 · May 2012

I speak from experience as being that BM that didn't want to spend $ to do a weekend away. In my situation, the bride had 6 BMs that were not friends with each other - each was a different part of her life. I just didn't see it as a "fun" opportunity and while I wanted to support her and be there for her, I watch my $$ and didn't feel it was worth spending $x just to "be there for her." Others felt the same and spoke up to her maid of honor who was planning it. She flipped out and refused to plan something since she thought we were horrible cheap people. The bride ended up planning her own version which still saddens me that it came to that and all she wanted to do was go to dinner & a movie with the bridal party and a couple others. Sadly, only 3 came, and I still feel bad that it fell apart like that.

I guess I just don't get excited at doing a "forced" event and then having to spend $$ to do it. Even when I am friends with others that are a part of it, I just feel like I'd rather be spending my time with the bride doing what we have in common, then seeing her along with people I don't know being forced to do things I'd never spend my own time doing (like bar-hopping, or a weekend somewhere I'd never choose).

Maybe I'm selfish in this regard, but I've never been too excited about bachelorette parties. So, perhaps your flaking friends think similarly to me (which is upsetting at this point since they originally said they'd go). I also feel bad for your BM planning all of this and if you are that frustrated, maybe it is best to cancel the whole thing and do a low-key event like dinner with those that are available, or whatever it is you typically do with your friends (if you normally bar-hop on an evening out, then do that. For me, we met in college running, so I am having a run/race as part of my party).

[Deleted User] · May 2012

I am sorry that this is going on, if it were me I would have a hard time attending because of financial reasons. I am having the same issue, but we are just doing a night on the town dinner and drinks and dancing. My MOH (sister) had to call everyone this weekend, none of my friends rsvpd. Some have called back and I am very disappointed, They have had the invites for over a month and I saw all of them a couple of weekends ago and they said they were so excited for both my shower and bach party. But now some are not coming at all, or only coming to one or the other. Everyone lives close and its on a Saturday. Ugh, I just feel like I don't have any real friends when it comes down to it. I am sorry this is such a difficult situation, but hopefully things will work out for you.

msowena · May 2012

Something you didn't mention one way or another and I think could be a possible reason for all the drop-outs: when you mentioned wine tasting and everybody agreed, was the limo & hotel also mentioned? I am a BM in my friends wedding next month and her bachelorette party is at a very upscale spa. The prices are insane compared to majority of places in the area... and paying for my own wedding right now obviously has me strapped for cash. I agreed to the spa plan because I didn't want to let the bride down as she seems pretty excited about it. Afterwards the MOH discussed with me limo's and a boat rental afterwards, & dinner. That tacked on a good $100.... wasn't in my plan when I had (hesitatly) agreed to the spa day.

Also, from your OP it sounds like you planned your bachelorette party, and not your MOH. Maybe you wrote it wrong though, IDK. But that may also be their issue- it's one of my issues with the bride I spoke about bachelorette party. The way the Bach party should be handled is that the MOH or BM's (or all) plan it together after determining each of their budgets.

I guess what I'm saying is, if your really upset they all dropped out and would rather have them there more than anything, I would talk to them all and see if it was a money issue or what their deal is. If you find it's a money issue maybe you can have Fi's sister talk to them all and find out their budgets and then plan accordingly?

Sorry if any of this sounded harsh at all... just trying to give you some possible insight.

libby2483 · May 2012

Like PPs said, finances can play a big part in attending a bachelorette party. I recently had to decline a friend's bachelorette party in Vegas because it would have cost me nearly $1000 for the flight, hotel, food, shows, etc. I originally told the bride that I thought I could go, but when she planned it for a Thursday-Sunday that I had parent-teacher conferences, I couldn't get time off. I also found out I might be reduced to part time, so finances were too tight (as I'm also saving for my own wedding of course). I felt bad letting her down, but planned a mini-bachelorette party (dinner and drinks) with a few friends in the area. A winery tour with hotel and limo sounds like a rather expensive trip as well. It must be very frustrating that people are dropping out, but finances could be the problem.

SFlvr83 · May 2012

I understand the financial part of all of this and took that into consideration when we were deciding where to go. Two BMs (my sister being one) were pushing for Vegas, which would have been about $500 each (flights, hotel, etc). I didn't want anyone (myself included) spend that so we decided on wine tasting, which would be $100 per person for hotel, limo, tasting fees, and dinner (we got a package deal through a BMs work). The only added expense would be spa treatments, which we were planning on doing one day if anyone wanted to. But since no one wants to commit, I made the decision today to cancel the whole thing and not have a bachelorette party. I feel like it's a better decision than to worry about why no one wants to hang out with me...but it does feel like I don't have any real friends.

XP: Bachelorette Party Frustration

Re: XP: Bachelorette Party Frustration

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