Advice Please

msteachme13 · June 2012

Good Evening Ladies,

I am newly engaged, with a question. I wanted to ask those, who I really do not know, and who have been through the wedding process. I have been watching your board for awhile ,and "snarky" or not, I appreciate honesty.

My FI and I have been thinking about a small wedding overall, maybe around 100 people. I wanted to invite those, who have been around all my life. Not those who my parents are friends with, but seem random. It has been voiced to me, that this way is unfair, because I have parents from other sides contributing. But we are paying (FI & I) for at least 85%. There is no strict budget, however I do not want it to get out of control.

Another solution, was to go to Sandals and therefore, the guest list would HAVE to go down considerably. And things would also be less stressful. Am I wrong for this idea? I love my parents, but do not want to play "Meet the Couple" at my wedding.

Thank you in advance for any guidance on this. Have a wonderful weekend!

Blueyed228 · June 2012

I dont know. I feel like parents should be allowed to invite a few friends.

I played "Meet the Couple" with just about everyone on H's side.

Nebb · June 2012

Your SN sorta looks like the word mustache. Thats all ive got.

KateJ10 · June 2012

I would either: have a traditional non DW wedding and allow your parents a few friends or just go get married somewhere if that's what you really want.

I mean, if you would really enjoy a DW, then just do it. This is also me wanting a vacation so bad I try to live vicariously through everyone else.

brandichamberlain · June 2012

How many friends are they wanting to invite? If it is just a few and isn't hurting your budget, I would do it just to make them happy (and thank them for the 15% they're contributing?).

msteachme13 · June 2012

Thank you so much for your response.

For sure they are allowed to invite friends, I just do not want it to turn into, "Oh, I met so and so at a friend's dinner party a few months ago...and we have met them several times since then, so they are really nice and we should invite them". My parents have huge hearts and are very social people.

It's different from how I thought it was going to be growing up. That's all.

Blueyed228 · June 2012

Ask them to make a list and then go from there. See how many they are thinking. If it needs to be cut, then ask them to cut.

msteachme13 · June 2012

Great idea. I'm thinking they want to invite 20-25 people at most. But at the end of the day, it would not kill me or my budget, and would make them happy.

Thank you again for the honesty ladies, I do not like things sugarcoated. Especailly something that I'm coming heavy out of pocket for. Haha

StefanyJane · June 2012

As someone who had to pay for 50% of their own wedding, I would say that you should do it in whatever way will make u and your FI the most happy. Try and set up a budget for a wedding with those you want to invite, who your family wants to invite, and a destination wedding. Once you analyze the prices vs. how much you want each of them it will be easier to decide

Blueyed228 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_advice-please-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:1cfd839e-527a-416f-b407-db846607baa9Post:fe94056a-caef-49d8-b4e3-f57c2b3a13ba">Re: Advice Please</a>:
[QUOTE] Great idea. I'm thinking they want to invite 20-25 people at most. But at the end of the day, it would not kill me or my budget, and would make them happy. Thank you again for the honesty ladies, I do not like things sugarcoated. Especailly something that I'm coming heavy out of pocket for. Haha
Posted by msteachme13[/QUOTE]

If its not going to break the budget, I would let them do it. No sense in fighting over it if its not a major money issue.

MrsL2014 · June 2012

I am having an issue with my FMIL wanting to invite everyone who has ever met my fiance. She feels they should be there, for me since they arnt contributing to the wedding at all I dont like the idea, and since my fiance could care less that is another reason. But for me it also comes down to the budget, we have a budget and our budget keeps us at 200 guest. Which covers family up to our great aunts and uncles and maybe a few of my fiances and my own friends.

But like othes said, if it isnt going to break the budget let them invite whoever. Makes closer relationships to people, and makes your parents happy.

acaponi87 · June 2012

We dealt with some of this. Both our parents were contributing some money so we had to give them some say. We put our foot (feet?) down on certain people...for example, H's Mom wanted to invite some "friends" that her son had never even met. We cut those people.

Knittibell · June 2012

If you want 100 people, you and FI should first make a list of the people you absolutely want to have there. If it comes to say, 80 people, then you tell each set of parents they can invite 10 people, each. Just keep it simple, explain that you really want to keep it small, and I think they'll understand.

msteachme13 · June 2012

Thanks ladies.

My FI and I are going to make our lists, then talk to both sets of parents this weekend, I figure we will have maybe 30-45 between us, then let the parents go from there. This way the parents will have some wiggle room, and everyone will be happy. And I will make it clear to please let's keep it a small family affair, and I really hope they will understand. We will split the remaining number evenly between both sets of parents. I for certain do not want any fights or bad blood over anything (even though I know nothing is perfect). Especially since the issue is small, and can be easily resolved, and I want everyone to be happy (espeecailly FI and I).

But in all honestly, if they ask we plan on saying NO to the Billy Bob's they met a two weeks ago, and them bringing their date who nobody has ever heard of. Our thinking is that that random person would take up two spots, where someone we truly care about could be.I will update you ladies, when I can. Take you for the advice and enjoy your Saturday!

pearlaqua · June 2012

Give them a set number and let them make the cuts. Once they see how hard it is for you to not invite everyone in your lives, they might take a step back. Give them time to whittle down their list so they don't surprise you before incites go out with "Oh! We forgot! There's one more person!"

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