WDYT? Mistake to not have assigned seats?

AmberMarieTX · July 2010

Okay, for the record, I have never been to a reception where my seat has been assigned to me. I'm not opposed to it at ALL, it just hasn't happened. I have seen reserved tables for family and wedding party, though. But, that being said, I think most receptions I have been to had a head table and I really don't want that... I mean is there a way to only assign tables to family, and then have half of the tables be a free for all? That might get complicated, though.

What I want is for us to maybe have a sweetheart table, but not an isolated one or anything. I'm thinking to reserve tables for the wedding party but allowing space for their significant others. I'm have my parents, his mom, his brother (no date), his sister (no date), my brother, his wife, their baby, my sister, her husband, their ten year old, and then a chance that my elderly grandma would come, and maybe his grandparents... so I will reserve tables for them... not sure about aunts, uncles, cousins...

Here's my question.. like I really don't want to have to worry about my Aunt or his Aunt being in the back and having a "bad seat" at the reception, but meanwhile his co-worker that we are only somewhat close with has a good seat...I guess that is where the table assigning comes into play.

My concern is not knowing exactly who will be there and it backfiring (assigning tables). I do plan to call all those who do not RSVP, though.

Am I analyzing it too much? Should I just make it open seating and hope for the best? Is this diastrous in your experiences? In mine, it has always been fine but I guess I'm the type that doesn't care too much because they weren't family or anything.

I'm just afraid that people (as in the ones that will be attending my wedding) will think it's weird to be told where to sit.. but maybe not. I don't know why, but this part kind of worries me..

From what I've read here on the knot in the past couple of months, it seems EVERYONE either has table or seat assignments, so it makes me think that I should "listen to the wives" and not ignore their advice (I know they hate that, lol).

Oh, and I'm pretty sure that with the venue we choose, we can make it to where the dance floor is kinda long and skinnier and goes down the middle of the tables, so in that case there really wouldn't be any bad seats... but of course we would want our immediate family near us.

I am so scatter brained and I get carried away with my questions, but it's hard because I have no experience in this area.

And, btw, I would love to have an excuse to make cute escort cards, but my main concern is it backfiring in someway or being hard to do because I don't know peoples' names (plus ones, for instance).

wow this was long, sorry.

NMac2010 · July 2010

I have never been a fan of assigned seats. I have been to too many weddings where I have had to sit with people I don't know, and it's not fun.

I would just have a few tables for "family only", and let the rest of the people sit wherever they want to.

Hope that answers your question.

AmberMarieTX · July 2010

So do I put a sign that says "Reserved for Family" on the tables I want reserved? How do I make sure my aunts and uncles and cousins don't sit in the two or three tables reserved for immediate family?

NMac2010 · July 2010

I'm debating what to do about that right now myself. I'm going to reserve about 5 tables for family. We are having 10 seats per table. That should be enough for our immediate and extended family members that will be there.

But, there's nothing to say that you can't reserve 5 or 6 tables if you want. It depends on how many guests you have, and how many of those guests are family members.

I don't know the etiquette on this, I'm just going soley based on what I plan on doing. Maybe someone else can chime in with the etiquette.

danac2010 · July 2010

We have our sweetheart table and then 4 tables reserved for family and WP. The rest is a free for all. I have never been to a wedding (friend or family) and been upset where we sit.

fallbride1109 · July 2010

Good heavens. Where do I start?

Just assign tables, not seats for your guests. There are many good reasons to do it. You can make sure people get seats with people you know they want to sit with and you can easily place people that won't know others with people you know they will enjoy sitting with. And you can assign the best tables for your family.

You have plenty of time to figure it out. It's one of the very last things you do once you have all your RSVPs in. I did my chart and ordered my escort cards about 3 weeks out.

AmberMarieTX · July 2010

Yeah, you're right, I have plenty of time. I guess it's just something that I was thinking about lately, especially if I want to do a cute escort card display.

Sorry that post was all over the place, guys, but thanks for the responses

fallbride1109 · July 2010

Escort cards and table numbers are fun anyway. It's another way to have some nice decor and get to have fun with your colors and design. And they can easily and cheaply be done DIY.

And really, it's the best idea. You don't want people standing around looking for a place to sit. Once they have their card they just go there and boom, done.

llc2011 · July 2010

I've been to weddings which had all the variations of seating; assigned table, assigned seat, & open.

Personally for me, I like assigned tables (which is what we are doing). We have certain groups in our guest lists (college friends, family, co-workers) so we'll just assign the tables based on that.

In the 3 weddings that I have been to that had open seating it went as follows:
1. Wedding #1 -Reserved sign for "college friends" so I sat with people I went to college with. It was a blast.

2. Wedding #2 -I didn't have too many friends at this wedding, and ended up at a table with a bunch of older relatives (they sat down after we did) of the groom. I was a friend of the bride, so it was a long night of small talk.

3. Wedding #3 - The last wedding was great and I sat with old co-workers, but the bride and groom forgot to reserve seats for family and friends. Oops! So when they got to the reception site after taking pictures at the church they had to squeeze in at random tables.

There's no problem with open seating I think it's just a personal preference. Just make sure you and your family have some good seats!

MsLaura31 · July 2010

I think assigning tables is smart. I'm not sure what you mean by backfiring...

I helped plan my friend's wedding and convinced her to assign tables. She had a couple show up who didn't RSVP. It worked out because when they didn't see their escort cards, we were able to notify the staff. They added extra settings at a table, and everything was fine. It would have been bad if she didn't assign tables, because we wouldn't have known we needed extra seats until much later.

NMac2010 · July 2010

I think it really is about preference. The last wedding I went to, was a family member of mine and they had assigned tables and FI and I didn't even get put at a table with the rest of my family. It was ridiculous. I ended up saying "F this" and going and sitting with my family at their table anyway. Not sure whose seat I took, but I didn't really care.

SkyeAndKyle · July 2010

i think assigning seats causes "cliques" to happen within the wedding...while you may not want to sit a colelge friend with a grandparent for a nigth of awkward conversation..it is also good to let different crowds mingle!

the weddings i have been to where it has worked out the best has had open seating but reserved 2 or 3 tables (however many you need) with a sign that says..brides family, grooms family, etc.. and let your parents, grandparents and sliblings that that spot is for them.

if those people want to mingle and sit elsehwere..let them! but at least you have the table reserved just in case

your coordinator should also help this..

just DONT DONT DONT forget to reserve a table for yourselves and the bridal party. oddly enough i've seen it happen twice, and it's awful!!

Donnaaries · July 2010

I think this largely depends on the size of your wedding.

Smaller weddings (100 ppl or less) can get away with just reserving a few tables. We did this with 4 tables that had small framed signs that said "Reserved for Family and Wedding Party." Our searts were marked by the chair sashes/signs that said "Mr. Right" and "Mrs. Always Right." We did not have a head table or sweetheart table but the table we sat at was in the front/middle. This works well for buffet type receptions where the exact number of place settings isn't important. We actually had one extra table just so that people wouldn't get separated from their friends, etc.

Larger weddings really need at least assigned tables, especially if you're only going to have as many place settings/seats as guests. You don't want confusion and people ending up sitting where they don't want to be.

mseale · July 2010

Are you going to have a plated dinner or buffet? IMO- a plated dinner is more appropriate for assigned seating. If you are having a buffet, it is less formal, and people should sit wherever (except for a few 'reserved' tables). These are not steadfast rules, and you can do either seating arrangement with either type of meal, again just my opinion.

We are not doing assigned seating. We will have reserved tables for the bridal party, and immediate family. everyone else will get their early enough that they can group together. However, I plan to spend little to no time at the tables, and am going for a reception that people are up and moving, on the dance floor, etc.

angieandjames · July 2010

I'm planning to do some reserved tables for the bridal party, dates, and close family... most of these will be at the rehearsal dinner, so I'll let them know there that they are the ones the tables are reserved for. Also, you might clue your DJ or someone like that in on the plan. If one random person sits at the reserved table, it's not a big deal, but if a bunch of people descend on it before the family gets there from taking pictures, then he can make a nice announcement that those tables are reserved for immediate family.

lesalyric · July 2010

I have never been to a wedding with assigned tables or seating, but plan to do table assignments for mine.

At my cousin's wedding some of our more annoying family were a little weird to his friends that got stuck at a table with them. These same family members will be at my wedding and they are all going to sit together to ensure they keep their rudeness to themselves this time.

Other than that the idea of table assignments just feeds into my need to organize.

Which venue did you end up going with?

AmberMarieTX · July 2010

Well, we haven't finished looking but right now Rose Chapel is winning by a hair. The only thing we really didn't like were the small dressing rooms. But we may just get a nearby hotel. But we've only been to two places and we plan to check out a couple more. I just hope that Rose Chapel doesn't get booked before then. We already booked our photographer

lol

annielouise · July 2010

I think I am going to do assigned tables. I am having a plated dinner, with up to 5 different entrees, so for the sanity of the staff, I will be at the absolute least, assigning tables. I'm sure noone in my family has ever been to a wedding with assigned tables, BUT...it's going to have to be a first for them---if they plan on eating that is! haha
Plus, like, PP said, its one more thing to add as decoration and hopefully keep very opinionated people on opposite sides of the room!

mistyleon · July 2010

I think if you are going to do assigned tables, you just need to think about making your guests comfortable and not be totally random about it. My FI was kind of disappointed when we went to a wedding recently and were seated at a different table than the rest of his group of friends from college, but I told him not to feel bad, because the bride and groom knew that we are the type of people who can talk to anyone and would actually be friendly with people we didn't know. The only time I have really heard people complain about assigned seating was when there did not seem to be much thought given to who people would actually enjoy sitting with -- i.e., mutual friends, family, or their spouse/SO who was seated at the bridal party "head table" while they were stuck at a separate table by themselves.

We are having a large reception with a plated dinner, so we pretty much feel that we have to do assigned tables. A lot of the people in my family are not used to that "format," but I hope they can adapt to it. It's not like I plan to seat my grandma by herself at a table full of my college friends.

Jay&Marissa · July 2010

I'm for assigned tables--I hate going to weddings where you don't know where to sit. And then there aren't enough seats because groups don't fit together all that nicely if you don't do it yourself! Unless you plan to have more seats, assign tables.

At my wedding people didn't show up and we had a few small parties at tables--they just joined the next tables over.

juliebug1997 · July 2010

I would have a few tables set aside for family and then let the rest of them be a free for all.

WDYT? Mistake to not have assigned seats?

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