Neighbor Invitation Etiquette

kepack · August 2010

Hello!

I need some help with neighbor invitation etiquette. I live in a townhouse community where our neighbors are a pretty social bunch. There are 3 other couples we hang out with around our homes on a regular basis. There is a 4th couple we’re sort of social with occasionally, but I don’t really care for them much. We generally only socialize with the 4^th couple in a group setting and then it's kinda minimal. The 4th couple are our immediate neighbors who we share walls with.

So, all of our neighbors know were are getting married and I told the ones we socialize with that we were having a small wedding, but if we could make it work out money wise and space wise, we’d like to invite them. I sent out my invitations to family and close friends and now that we have received some no replies and have a solid handle on our budget, we can afford and have space to invite our neighbors.

Issue 1: We’d like to invite the 3 couples we are very social with. Those three couples are however very social with the neighbors I’m so-so about who we share a wall with. The 4th couple will know very quickly they weren't invited. I really don’t care for them - and I'm really not sure they like us enough to RSVP yes! But, we do kind of socialize with them around the other neighbors. I feel like it would be rude if we invited others and didn’t invite them. Is this a “co-worker” situation where you invite all or none?

Issue 2: If we invite the neighbors, do we mail them invitations or hand-deliver them? They are all neighbors that live in the same row of townhouses – seems silly to mail the invitations, but I wasn’t sure if there were any rules on this!

Thanks!

[Deleted User] · August 2010

Not sure about the 4th neighbor situation, but definately mail the invite

zippityb · August 2010

Since they share a wall with you and can ultimately make your life a living hell, I'd invite them, with a mailed invite.

xyrius · August 2010

I don't understand why she'd have to mail the invite? Can someone explain that to me?

Personally, I would hand deliver it.

[Deleted User] · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_neighbor-invitation-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:155e0edd-3949-4c2f-82ea-a4659e82969cPost:e065f871-1789-4d66-a9e7-0733de8be10a">Re: Neighbor Invitation Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't understand why she'd have to mail the invite? Can someone explain that to me? Personally, I would hand deliver it.
Posted by xyrius[/QUOTE]

I think its proper etiquette to mail the invite.

[Deleted User] · August 2010

IMO it should be mailed because if it is hand delivered it could look like it was a rushed, last minute invite and she wanted to get it to the neighbors faster. A stamp and postmark look like it was well thought out and sent with the rest.

xyrius · August 2010

I get that it's the proper etiquette thing to do, but..... it just seems more logical just to give it to them. Since, they're like... right there. It just doesn't seem logical. Oh well....

frenchy730 · August 2010

I would invite them. If you all plan on living there for a long time, it would be pointless to make your living situations awkward and create bad feelings. If you have the room for all of them, just invite them. Two extra people won't make a big difference in the end, and you won't end up spending a lot of time with them anyway.

RoxysMama · August 2010

I know we aren't in Europe. BUT there it is considered proper ettiquette to hand delivery all wedding invitation unless for some reason the couple is unable to do so (for example my sister had to mail me an invite to her wedding in Poland, as I live in California) I say save a stamp.

xyrius · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_neighbor-invitation-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:155e0edd-3949-4c2f-82ea-a4659e82969cPost:3bc56dc1-e938-42a4-85fa-ca7f87fda17d">Re: Neighbor Invitation Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]I know we aren't in Europe. BUT there it is considered proper ettiquette to hand delivery all wedding invitation unless for some reason the couple is unable to do so (for example my sister had to mail me an invite to her wedding in Poland, as I live in California) I say save a stamp.
Posted by RoxysMama[/QUOTE]

I agree. Plus I forgot to mention that I think it makes it look so much more personal.

Anyone can lick a stamp and put 100 invites in the mailbox, but hand delivering it adds a little something special.

SparrowSong · August 2010

Yes, I'd invite everyone and and I'd mail the invites.

kepack · August 2010

To RoxysMama and xyrius - I'd totally like to hand deliver to the 3 couples we really like and mail the invite to the 4th couple who we share a wall with to avoid having to talk to them!! Haha!!

mkrupar · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_neighbor-invitation-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:155e0edd-3949-4c2f-82ea-a4659e82969cPost:ce2ce587-6c23-435f-87c4-272e1d8aa92d">Re: Neighbor Invitation Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Neighbor Invitation Etiquette : I agree. Plus I forgot to mention that I think it makes it look so much more personal. Anyone can lick a stamp and put 100 invites in the mailbox, but hand delivering it adds a little something special.
Posted by xyrius[/QUOTE]

HaHa my first thought was "Do people still lick stamps? Don't they come as stickers now?"

Anyway - OP I say invite the 4th unless you want your future get togethers with everyone to be akward. As far as mailing vs. hand delivering, I know ettiquette states to mail, but I would probably skirt the issue and just hand deliver.

TTiger03 · August 2010

Seeing as this is sort of a B-list situation and they already know you mailed the family invitations I don't see why you shouldn't hand deliver them (perhaps mailing to 4th couple if you don't want to have that conversation with them). You might even take along some cookies or something with your hand deliveries as a "we would love you to come".

If you weren't on a B-list I would say mail them.

Kreskin79 · August 2010

Sucking it up and inviting them is the wiser move, I suspect. You say that if you don't, they'll find out. Odds are, that'd cause all sorts of further drama - the degree of which depends on the personalities of those involved.

Drama can be avoided by simply inviting them. And having them there won't affect anyone's enjoyment of your wedding, I don't think. From everything I've heard from friends, you'll be way too busy with other matters/guests to see this couple for more than five minutes, anyway.

Also, you said that you suspect they might decline the invitation altogether. If so, everything I've written - and any other concerns vis a vis having them there - are moot.

Edited to Add: I forgot about the mail/hand deliver thing:

I suspect most people see a mailed invitation as being more...thought-out. More...formal, for lack of a better word.

I do have to disagree with a PP who suggested hand-delivering to the three couples you enjoy seeing and mailing to the couple with whom you're not thrilled. I'd take an all-or-nothing approach, for fear that they find out that "one of these things is not like the other" and take it as a slight.

TTiger03 · August 2010

Yes, it would be best to hand deliver them all if you hand deliver any, but kepack had already said she felt more comfortable just mailing that invite.

breezerb · August 2010

I would invite the 4th couple... really, you will probably be so busy you won't really notice if they are there and it would be very awkward in future group situations if you didn't

I would mail all the row house invites so that they did not feel like last minute fill-ins

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