NWR: Opinions Needed

Re: NWR: Opinions Needed

• shishigami26 member

  

  January 2013

  Firstly - welcome back to the board!
  
  From what you've written, my impression is that they are being gift grabby. I would honestly probably decline the baby shower request and also not send a gift. You already attended the gender reveal party and took a gift. The only hesitation I might see having is if the gift you got for the reveal party was more general, and not necessarily something you might ordinarily give at a baby shower (especially if the baby shower is the only thing with a registry).
  
  I graduated a year ahead of my best friend in college, and once I was gone we slowly lost touch. We were halfway across the country from each other, but I still feel like I tried to keep the relationship going more than she did. When I went back to visit, she had found someone to replace me. The only reason I found out she was dating someone/engaged/getting married was because I got a mass PM on Facebook. I went to her wedding, took a gift, and got to speak with her for maybe two minutes before the reception ended. It was a very bittersweet day for me, and I almost wish I hadn't even gone.
  
  Whether you attend and gift or do neither, I would at least call or text her to let her know what you are feeling. It is not fair of her to seek to involve you in her life when it benefits or is convenient for her. There may be something on behind the scenes with her and her H that she cannot discuss while she is around him.

  For Sale
  

  

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• ejheart member

  

  January 2013

  You're alive! :O Haha.
  
  Well, I have to say that I agree with Shishi. Sounds like you've done way more than your part in the relationship. Honestly, at this point I wouldn't attend. I also wouldn't feel obligated to send a gift, but I might do so anyway depending on the previous gift given (as she mentioned). Like you said, you have gone out of our way to be supportive on several occassions with no return. She can't keep expecting you to be there for her when she never does the same for you. I personally lost a friend recently over the same type of thing. She no called/no showed to my shower (after saying she would be there), then declined on her RSVP to our wedding with absolutely no explanation, text, or call. That's when I decided it wasn't worth the effort anymore. We're at the point in life where friendships take effort and I came to the conclusion that I wasn't willing to be the only one putting the time into it anymore. I wouldn't completely write her off yet if I were you, but I also wouldn't go above and beyond for her.  

  

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• kristan1022

  

  January 2013

  Thanks girls!!! And yes, EJ, I'm alive! I definitely fell off the boards when I moved last April, but I am alive and well

  
  

  I was leaning toward not going, and at y'alls suggestion I won't send a gift either. I have always been very thoughtful about the gifts I've given to her (spend around $75 on their wedding gift when I was a poor grad student) and I took a gender-neutral onesie to the gender reveal... wanted to take a boy outfit because I just had a feeling it was a boy, but I played it safe. It's probably childish, but I resent the fact that she never even sent us a card... just let our wedding pass like it wasn't as important as hers.

  
  

  EJ, I totally agree with you. I'm not going to write her off, but hopefully at some point she will try to include us in her life in a way that isn't so "me me me", and then maybe we can try to repair our friendship.

  
  

  Thanks again

  **Planning Bio** UPDATED! 4/9/12

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• fallbride1109 member

  

  January 2013

  I see you've already decided but I vote you be done with this "friend."  Some people are only in our lives for a short time and I think your time is done.  If at some point, she tried to reach out and reconnect, great.  But until then, I'd let her go.

  Planning the Meal
  With All the Trimmings
  

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• kristan1022

  

  January 2013

  Stephie- that is pretty much what I'm doing. If she reaches out to me, great. If not, she hasn't really been much of a friend to me for the last 2 years, so I'm not losing anything.

  
  

  P.S. Glad you were finally able to change your siggy pic!! I love it

  **Planning Bio** UPDATED! 4/9/12

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• fallbride1109 member

  

  January 2013

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_nwr-opinions-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:1eb7409a-5732-4ffc-9028-dbd9afee1815Post:73022be8-abb4-425d-9f6c-d8550b47a83d">Re: NWR: Opinions Needed</a>:
  [QUOTE]Stephie- that is pretty much what I'm doing. If she reaches out to me, great. If not, she hasn't really been much of a friend to me for the last 2 years, so I'm not losing anything. P.S. Glad you were finally able to change your siggy pic!! I love it :)
  Posted by kristan1022[/QUOTE]
  
  Thanks!  :)  How was the wedding--didn't you have a pretty serious issue with the best man or someone?

  Planning the Meal
  With All the Trimmings
  

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• nextrightthing member

  

  January 2013

  I also agree with your decision.  Always sad to have this happen.   
  
  Also, what is the big thing about "gender reveal" parties? 

  

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• jillrenee&brett member

  

  January 2013

  I am so glad to see this post! I have been dealing with the same thing with a friend of mine...I was a bridesmaid her wedding, planned and paid for everything for her, and she responded no on the RSVP (without a call) and never sent me a gift for shower or wedding. I have been struggling with cutting her out since I am fiercely loyal to my friends, but since she had a baby, anything in my life is no longer important. Basically Kristen, I completely understand what you are going thru. And I know how hurtful it can be. But I have decided that its not worth it when there are people that do actually care. ( but don't you just kinda wanna tell her off, though?) I would stop with the presents. But if you feel the need, send a card with your regrets---because decent people actually do that!

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• kristan1022

  

  January 2013

  Stephie- The wedding was wonderful!! I need to friend you on FB so you can see the albums. 

  Ah yes, our infamous best man. Unfortunately, he is still an issue. We try to see him as little as possible. After the rehearsal dinner, one of my bridesmaids and my wedding planner and I went out for a drink, and I'm not really sure why they chose THEN to tell me, but they told me they heard that he had slept with my younger sister and then ditched her. Yeah... like I didn't already hate his guts. 

  
  

  So the next day at the reception, he gave pretty much the worst speech ever (as did my afore-mentioned sister, the maid of honor). And then at the end of the night I confronted him right before we left, and he didn't even have the decency to apologize- he just stood there.

  
  

  THEN we went to a football game 3 months after the wedding, and he was there, and he was like "Oh I never got y'all a wedding present, did I?" Nope. No card, no present. He said, "Well I'll have to make up for that at Christmas". For Christmas, he got H a small bottle of Crown. That's it. He actually texted H last night to try to set up plans between us and his gf, but I just can't stand being around him.

  
  

  
  

  Nextrightthing- I don't know, I personally can't stand gender reveals. I told H that when we have a baby I think NO ONE should get to know the gender, even us.

  
  

  jillrenee- I would love to tell her how I really feel, but at this point I just don't feel like it's worth the emotional toll on me to try to make her understand. I probably COULD send a card, but I won't. 

  **Planning Bio** UPDATED! 4/9/12

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• fallbride1109 member

  

  January 2013

  Oh, wow, I am sorry.  Yikes, this is JMO of course, there's another "friend" you'd be better off without.  Yikes.
  
  Glad everything else was wonderful though!  FB doesn't load right at work but I wlll definitely be checking it out!

  Planning the Meal
  With All the Trimmings
  

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• crash2729 member

  

  January 2013

  I know I'm a little late to the party..but I'd just save the money on the present and call it over. Usually, when someone's already written you off it becomes more of a hassle to go out of the way and get/send them a present and ends up feeling more like an obligation or burden than a nice gesture.

  

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