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Bean Dipping Failed. Need Plan B.

I have a friend who has a boyfriend that all of us are 99% sure is gay.  They own a house together, have been together like 6 years, and he refuses to propose.  He keeps telling her "it's going to happen" but won't say when, so she's decided they're getting married this summer.  And has started planning the wedding (don't even get me started on that).  No sign of a ring anytime soon to meet that deadline.  He gives her excuses that range from lame to lamer.

She claims she won't break up with him even if he doesn't propose because he's "so nice" and she "can't imagine life without him".  Yet she's obsessed with getting engaged.  Every time they take a weekend trip or she finds a shopping bag (that she wont' look inside) she holds her breath.  She's just needing to get engaged.  Everyone else can see the writing on the wall but her.

I am sick and tired of listening to this girl piss and moan about not being engaged.  It's all she freaking talks about.  "We're going to NY this weekend but we don't have any meals by ourselves.  Do you think he might propose?" or "I saw a small shopping bag in the top back corner of our closet that may or may not be from a jewelry store--do you think he could have hidden a ring in it?"  It goes on and on.

I've tried bean dip but it won't stop.  Suggestions?
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"I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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Re: Bean Dipping Failed. Need Plan B.

  • Send her over to the NEY board so she can commisserate with the others? I dunno. Until she finds him in bed with another man, she's not going to see the light. There is probably not much you can do.
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  • I've given up on trying to point out to her that if she wants to ever get married, it's going to have to be to someone else.  
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • I second sending her to NEY.  A while ago they had some joke about meat pie?  Like if you made it you will get engaged?  Maybe mention that they have a recipe for a pie that never fails so that she will get excited about the board and leave you alone.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bean-dipping-failed-need-plan-b?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e4f7a437-8b13-4b75-9074-9f0db5f650ddPost:c6636b5b-bf4b-4544-bb84-cc1cc199f821">Re: Bean Dipping Failed. Need Plan B.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've given up on trying to point out to her that if she wants to ever get married, it's going to have to be to someone else.  
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

     I was in a relationship for 6 years waiting for him to propose and all my friends told me it wasnt going to happen. I am SO glad it didn't. He was not the one for me, but I had to come to that conclusion on my own.

    Give her this recipe.. because everything Glamour prints is true: <p align="left"> </p><p><font size="2"><font size="2"><a href="http://www.glamour.com/magazine/2006/07/engagement-chicken">http://www.glamour.com/magazine/2006/07/engagement-chicken</a></font></font></p>
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  • Honestly, I wouldn't be able to take being friends with someone like that. I would start to detatch from her.  Women that are all needy-crazy-needy for a ring really bother me because I'm a big fan of being a complete person on your own.  While I'm happy I met DH and I'm happy we are married my life would not have ended had it not happened.
    offthemarket915
  • Sarah, exactly!  If I had stayed with the boyfriend "I couldn't imagine myself without" I never would have met my husband!  Which I have told this girl.  But since I was in my early 20s when that happened, and she's 30, she says that the situations are "not comparable."  

    Le sigh.  

    Another friend of hers who I don't know very well has pointed out the same thing in the aftermath of a six year relationship, but this girl goes "Since she never pushed that guy to propose, she really can't comment on my situation since it's totally different."

    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bean-dipping-failed-need-plan-b?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e4f7a437-8b13-4b75-9074-9f0db5f650ddPost:085bc716-931c-434d-8ecf-a85cb1918949">Re: Bean Dipping Failed. Need Plan B.</a>:
    [QUOTE] "Since she never pushed that guy to propose, she really can't comment on my situation since it's totally different."
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    Ahhh, because this makes men WANT to propose. I understand now *snark*

    I would have to say that if my friends distanced themselves, Ii would have taken me a lot longer. So even if its eternally annoying, stick with her. But everytime she's in your car, put on some Bonnie Raitt- " 'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't, and you can't make your heart feel somethin' it won't" She'll get it at some point.
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  • I think you should start suggesting she proposes to him. That way she does so. Then he rejects her and the relationship ends. Kinder all around.
    Or at least suggest she discuss it with him not you.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bean-dipping-failed-need-plan-b?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e4f7a437-8b13-4b75-9074-9f0db5f650ddPost:30a52313-e614-4a1b-a897-a7dcf4f30c2a">Re: Bean Dipping Failed. Need Plan B.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Or at least suggest she discuss it with him not you.
    Posted by ffmaid[/QUOTE]

    <div>Apparently every time she brings it up, they fight.  Again, don't get me started on how ridiculous this relationship is.</div>
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  • Well Babling that is a tough situation. Friend is probably driving herself nuts over this and you are probably not the only friend sick of hearing about it.  Could you get DH/FI  to tell her that obsessing over marriage is something that scares guys away from proposing and she should just not mention it to boyfriend or anyone else or think about it for 1 year. Assume that they will not get engaged until at least a year way and then live the relationship as if this was true. That way if her boyfriend wants to propose he will if not the pressure is off so he can actually decide one way or another. Hearing this from a guy who has clearly managed to propose to his gal might help her out.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bean-dipping-failed-need-plan-b?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e4f7a437-8b13-4b75-9074-9f0db5f650ddPost:085bc716-931c-434d-8ecf-a85cb1918949">Re: Bean Dipping Failed. Need Plan B.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sarah, exactly!  If I had stayed with the boyfriend "I couldn't imagine myself without" I never would have met my husband!  Which I have told this girl.  But since I was in my early 20s when that happened, and she's 30, she says that the situations are "not comparable."   Le sigh.   
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    <div>Tell her you know a chick (me) who dated a guy at 30 who she'd have been INSANE to marry.  She dated another guy from age 33-37 who was a great guy but not the right one either.  At 38, she met the guy, engaged just before turning 39, married at 39.  And this chick's (again, me) younger sister got married at age 26.  This chick also has friends OLDER than she is who haven't gotten married yet.</div><div>
    </div><div>You can't plan it, you can't figure when it's going to happen.  There's no timetable, no calendar, no schedule.  It happens if and when it happens, and that's that.  Trying to force it only makes it worse.  That's HOW I have friends older than I who still aren't married - I think some of them scare the crap out of guys by being too crazy about the topic.</div>
  • edited November 2009
    *insert joke about closet gay guy and lots of shopping bags in the house here.*

    Sorry Brooke, I had to. That sucks. I'm sure it's painful not only for you to hear about it over and over, but because you really do want her to be happy with the right guy for her. Or to be happy with herself without a guy.
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  • *insert joke about closet gay guy and lots of shopping bags in the house here.* 

    Awesome.

    Babling, is this girl's name Kathy?  I seriously know a girl just like this, and unfortunately I don't have any great advice.  At some point she'll realize on her own that he is never goin to propose, it's just up to you to decide if you want to stick by her side until she comes to that realization.
  • Wow.

    Well, I think you have to say, "You know that every time you bring this up it's a fight.  Stop bringing it up when you know what the outcome will be.  You know what the definition of insanity is right?"

    And I'd also let her know what NO man ever wants to be harassed into proposing ever.

    Beyond that, if you're close, if she brings it up again, say, "Honey, I know you really want this but I already told you - it's not going to happen this way.  I totally get that you're upset but we can't keep talking about this anymore."
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