One of my bridesmaids passed away what do I do?

camo_princess · March 2010

My wedding is in 7 months and one of my bridesmaids passed away a couple of weeks ago it was very sudden we still dont know what happened. At the funeral I had many people come up to me and tell me how excited she was to be in my wedding. Her mom even suggested that instead of a funeral arragement I could if I wanted to get her bridesmaid bouqet. I am heartbroken to day the least she was one of my best friends. My FI will have four men on his side should I find someone else? I feel that lizzie cant be replaced but also I know that she wanted my wedding to be perfect too. Should I do something in her memory? Please help anything will be helpful. I am torn up about her being gone, I know if she was here I could call her and ask her I have actually found myself wanting to call her several times to talk but I know she wont pick up the phone. Anyways I am welcoming any advice thanks

jajph1974 · March 2010

I'm sorry about your friend.

Your sides don't have to be even. Asking someone to be a "fill-in" would be rude.

If you want to do something at your wedding to remember her, maybe give a toast in her honor?

duckie1905 · March 2010

I'm sorry about your friend.

But, your sides to not have to be even to make your wedding perfect. I think leaving her space empty would be a greater honor to her than filling it for the sake of even sides.

mandybear7 · March 2010

I am so sorry for your loss. I just can't imagine the pain.

I would still list her as an honorary bridesmaid in the program. You could even put a flower on her chair during the ceremony and like pp said, have a toast. We will have a candle near our escort card table at our reception for loved ones who have passed and you could do that as well.

Since the wedding is 7 months away, I think this is a situation where you could ask someone else to step in... not necessarily in "her place." I'm sure whoever would be asked would not feel bad for being asked after the other BM were asked since she would most likely be aware of the situation.

mbcdefg · March 2010

Sorry about your friend

Don't ask someone to take her place. No wedding is ever "perfect," and even sides certainly do not make a wedding automatically better. Your attendants are supposed to be your dearest friends, not people rounded up to achieve a certain number.

Maybe wait a few months to let everyone (and yourself) heal a little bit, then talk to her mother about a way to honor her - maybe something with flowers, a special song or poem, a prayer or a moment of silence. Or maybe it'll be something you do privately to remember her.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

I am very sorry to hear of your loss.

I do not think you should put anyone in her spot, she is not replaceable and your side do not need to be even.

I agree you should wait a bit and then decide what to do to honor her.

banana468 · March 2010

Definitely don't ask anyone to be a place filler.

It's up to you how you want to honor her. Give that part some time.

gottahavashorti · March 2010

I'm sorry for your loss. Bridal parties don't need to be even, so not replacing her, since she's not replaceable would be an honor. You could still list her name in the program.

For other things done in memory of a loved one, I prefer subtle things rather than something that guests who knew that person may see and become emotional about. You could have a locket charm her picture in it on your bouquet, a bouquet wrap in her favorite color, have a bridesmaid bouquet with her favorite flowers as decoration on the cake table and give it to her mom afterward - subtle little things that will mean something to you but not trigger sadness for your mutual friends.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

I'm so sorry.

Uneven sides have nothing to do with a perfect wedding. Deep down you feel that you shouldn't replace her. Listen to that. When some time has passed and your loss isn't so acute, think about what, if anything, you would like to do in her memory at the wedding.

lalap69 · March 2010

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Please don't replace her. Like you said, she's irreplaceable. You could list her in your program as an honourary bridesmaid if you wanted to. But give yourself time before you try to decide how you want to honour her on the day of. Right now I think you need to give yourself time to grieve without thinking about how it will affect your wedding.

stina93446 · March 2010

Don't ask anyone else. Having 3 bms and 4 gm is a great way to show honor to Lizzie. If you asked someone else, you would be "replacing" her which is what you already said you didn't want to do.

You could also have a moment in the ceremony where everyone is quiet to remember those who can't be there or are there in spirit. Or you could add it in the program that she is an honorary bm. I am sorry for your loss. Truly, truly sorry.

mmccr · March 2010

I say don't replace her. When I got married my cousin had already died and she was going to be one of my bridemaids. So what I did was, I gave her mother my flowers off the arch, and her mother put the flowers on her dresser in my cousin room.

mmccr · March 2010

P.S. I am very sorry for your loss.

jgreenbay35 · March 2010

I am very sorry for your lose and completely understand what you are going through. My fiance's sister would have been in our wedding, but passed away after a long battle with cancer. Knowing that it will be very emotional for us as well as most of the people at the wedding already, we are not doing anything obvious, but have a few subtle things planned that have meaning to us. His boutonneire, as well as my bouquet, will have an orange rose (her favorite) and we are getting a bouquet similar to the other bridesmaids and bringing it to the cemetary. Also, before her calling hours, the entire family did a shot that was significant to her, so before the ceremony, the wedding party is all going to do the same shot.
As you said, your friend is irreplacable, and things don't have to be even, so I wouldn't stress too much over that. In remembering her, i'm sure you will think of something meaningful to you and her that you could do to honor her and it doesn't matter if anyone else knows about it, it can be just between you two. And remember, she will still be with you on your day. It will be a long healing process and it will hit you when you least expect it, but i'm sure your day will be wonderful even if it isn't what you originally planned.

jaimed99 · March 2010

I am so sorry for your loss.

I wouldn't choose another person...as the PPs said, uneven sides aren't necessary, and not only would it seem like you were "filling her place", the person you'd ask may feel weird standing in the place of a friend who passed away...

I love the ideas for honoring her! Even if it's something like having an empty chair at the head table (if you're having one) with her name there to symbolize that she's there in spirit, listing her as an honorary BM, etc...I'm sure she'll be watching from where she is and smiling that you are having a beautiful wedding!

karypetersen · March 2010

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am honoring my grandmother and uncle by attaching a small framed picture of them to my bouquet and I am putting a picture frame that will say in memory of and their names on an empty seat at the wedding that will be moved to our cake table for the reception.

I wish you the best.

CA2MT4EveR · March 2010

I am sorry for your loss...

I am not a fan of remembrances/memorials at weddings. It is a time to be happy, share joy, and celebrate with eachother. When there are empty chairs, candles lit, poems read, etc. it is a somber reminder of the person being gone and places a damper on the happy mood. You want people sheding tears of happiness, not sadness. If you want to feel as though she is with you on the day, there are people on Etsy who design small picture frames you can tie to your bouquet.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

Ditto the others. Definitely don't replace her.

Were I in your place, I would still list her as a bridesmaid in the program, and order her bouquet as planned and then take it to her grave after the wedding. Personally, I'm not comfortable with too many memorials at a wedding, because it can really bring the mood down. She wouldn't want you to be sad at your wedding.

CA2MT4EveR · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_one-of-bridesmaids-passed-away?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:80d496e4-454c-41ce-a4e8-ea77b0435e64Post:222325e7-904d-4432-ba9b-e411e6623058">Re: One of my bridesmaids passed away what do I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]i did get her a bouquet already like her mom had suggested. The funeral director actually put it in her hands and it was buried with her. Thank you all for your advice
Posted by camo_princess[/QUOTE]

That is interesting to me. I don't want to seem like a heartless b!tch, that just seems odd.

nuremenosh · March 2010

My husband's brother and sister passed away a few years ago. I ordered an extra bouquet and boutennier and we took it to the cemetary the day before the wedding for them. We also put something in the program saying we wished they could be there that day. The big things in the days before the wedding were defintiely emotional since everyone missed them but the wedding itself was great.

One of my bridesmaids passed away what do I do?

Re: One of my bridesmaids passed away what do I do?

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