Seating Chart, Yea or Nay?

courtneyclare103 · February 2012

Hi ladies! I'm trying to decide whether or not to do a seating plan. If I do one, I will just be assigning tables, not seats. Assigned tables are not the norm in my area, at all. I've never been to a wedding with assigned tables. Actually the norm here (and I know this is going to sound incredibly rude, but it really is the norm!) is to have seating for only about 60% of your expected guests. The reason for this is all receptions here have buffets and they are open almost all night, so in theory not everyone will need to sit down at the same time because everyone doesn't usually eat at the same time.

We don't like this--we definitely are having enough seats for everyone and the buffet will only be open for a certain amount of time, so at one point everyone will be seated and eating at the same time. Here are my pros and cons for a seating plan.

Pros:
-We are not planning on having extra seats (well, maybe a few) and I'm worried that if I don't do a seating plan, people will have to split up because the numbers won't work out without a plan.
-It will all be very orderly and organized!

Cons:
-This is not the norm here and I fear people won't like being told where to sit.
-Most of our tables/seats will be in the main room. However, there is one room that, while separate, has a porch that overlooks the main room. I don't want anyone in this room to feel slighted that they are not in the main room (even though almost all of them would be able to see into the main room via the porch.

I know most you are probably doing a seating plan and it's probably the norm in your area, but I guess I'm looking less for y'all's personal preference or what is done in your area and more what you would do in my specific situation! Thanks so much and sorry that was so long!

midgetthemighty · February 2012

I'm not because it's not the norm in my family and half of the time they don't follow it anyway. Personally, I hate them. Since it's not the norm, I say skip it.

Carebear62584 · February 2012

I would do a seating chart because, as you mentioned above, you don't want to have to split anyone up. We went to a wedding in November that had a little loft with about 6-8 tables. The couple put all of the younger people/friends up top. The only other people on top were my parents and other parents of friends that were invited (that was only one table though). It didn't even matter because after dinner everyone came downstairs and danced anyway.

doeie04 · February 2012

I think in your situation you should do a chart. (Mostly because you aren't having extra seats.) I think the seating in the other room would be a problem like you mentioned. Can you get a few extra tables set up? If so, I wouldn't do a chart.

We aren't doing one (except for wedding party and parents) but we are having at least 3 tables extra so if there is an odd number, they can use a different table if they want. I also think that our families can figure out where they want to sit. They do it at all the other weddings, and they are used to it. We also have some seating upstairs (the extras) and decided that some people would like to be out of the hustle and bustle of the action and watch from up above. We wanted them to decide that and not assign seats.

Megbo2012 · February 2012

We are doing assigned tables because of the catering. I think it's nice because then couples/families won't get split up. It's the norm around here, but if it is not for you, then do what feels right.

calisel · February 2012

I would rather not to do one. However we have to keep my FI's dad and the rest of his family on opposite sides of the room from each other. Plus our menu requires us to do assigned seating.

chelseakopperud · February 2012

I wouldnt do one since its not the norm in your area.

DrPB2b13 · February 2012

I would do one. I would hope people in your families would be intelligent enough to get the idea or at least figure it out, and it's usually only for dinner anyway - in my family, tables are generally assigned and sometimes seats, but once dinner is over everyone gets up and moves to talk with other people, and rarely goes back to "their" seat unless they left something there.

If you're worried about people not getting the idea and waiting until "later" to eat when there is no later, I'd consider using your ceremony program to outline the basic events of the night - e.g. "Ceremony, 5:30 to 6:00, Cocktail hour, 6:00 to 7:00, Dinner 7:00 to 8:00, Dancing and DJ, 8:00 to 12:00" to be a light notice that dinner is only being served for a short period of time.

daria24 · February 2012

I seriously didn't know a seating chart was "optional" before TK. It's def standard in my area. I think I would have heart palpitations if I got to the wedding and there wasn't a place card! Our venue requires us to have one. However if I would have palpitations bc I'm used I having a chart, I can understand your guests being...peeved... If there is a chart when it is not what they're used to. I say have some extra seats available and skip the chart.

kaitlyn142 · February 2012

I am not. That's a level of detail I seriously can't be bothered with. The parents, grandparents and bridal party will have reserved tables, but that's it.

In your case, I don't think you should. People are smart enough to work out their own tables. If the numbers don't work, they will drag seats over and make room. That's what we've always done. Especially with that side room thing. If I were seated far in a side room, I would absolutely feel offended.

Ash61612 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_seating-chart-yea-or-nay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:8297b1df-fd6a-4b06-a43d-b9c65a93dacdPost:74d73689-88b6-4617-a8b0-cb137c3ab98b">Seating Chart, Yea or Nay?</a>:
[QUOTE]e this--we definitely are having enough seats for everyone and the buffet will only be open for a certain amount of time, so at one point everyone will be seated and eating at the same time. Here are my pros and cons for a seating plan. <strong>Pros: -We are not planning on having extra seats (well, maybe a few) and I'm worried that if I don't do a seating plan, people will have to split up because the numbers won't work out without a plan. -It will all be very orderly and organized!</strong> Posted by courtneyclare103[/QUOTE]
this alone is why we are doing a seating plan. We will not have extra seats so every seat needs to be used. We are also only assigning tables, not seats at the tables.

Abonsut · February 2012

We're seating by table, but it's already an issue! We're dealing with the- "I want to sit with so and so but not with so and so" issue. Urg. As for the OP- my FI is from NOLA and we're having a bit of a struggle with the formal seated reception compared to what they are used to. It's so interesting to look at (and deal with) wedding traditions that vary regionally.

Zimsgirl · February 2012

We're doing assigned tables because we're doing plated dinners. Escort cards will be color coded to whatever meal they pick. It's also nice to pick who sits where like tables closer to the WP will be family then work it's way back if that makes senese

Ash61612 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_seating-chart-yea-or-nay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:8297b1df-fd6a-4b06-a43d-b9c65a93dacdPost:7b1b75ee-dedb-439c-8699-123609c883f8">Re: Seating Chart, Yea or Nay?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're seating by table, but it's already an issue! <strong> We're dealing with the- "I want to sit with so and so but not with so and so" issue. </strong> Urg. As for the OP- my FI is from NOLA and we're having a bit of a struggle with the formal seated reception compared to what they are used to. It's so interesting to look at (and deal with) wedding traditions that vary regionally.
Posted by Abonsut[/QUOTE]
this would be so annoying! I haven't gotten any of this yet but it would get on my nerves.

Zimsgirl · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_seating-chart-yea-or-nay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:8297b1df-fd6a-4b06-a43d-b9c65a93dacdPost:abcb50d0-cc70-4ef2-9366-269dbc52998e">Re: Seating Chart, Yea or Nay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seating Chart, Yea or Nay? : this would be so annoying! I haven't gotten any of this yet but it would get on my nerves.
Posted by Ash61612[/QUOTE]
I don't know some of my mom's co-workers and some distant family very well so I'm nervous about that issue as well. I'm definitely gonna be emailing my mom my seating chart from TK a lot lol

courtneyclare103 · February 2012

Thanks for offering y'all opinions on the situation! To touch on a few of the things y'all said:

-I don't have room for extra tables. Maybe one, but that would be it. That's why I was really leaning toward the seating chart--I just don't have the space available to put extra tables and then have there be empty seats at some tables because of the way it works out.

-I'm not worried about them not understanding the concept. I know that they'll figure out that the buffet will only be open for a certain time and that they don't have to sit in that seat all night. I'm just worried about them being uncomfortable/not liking the seating chart because it's not the norm.

-They really won't have space to just add an extra chair or two to a table--we're already putting ten chairs at each table. That's another reason why I feel the need to do the seating chart

If it wasn't for the other room issue, I think it would be a no-brainer for me--I'd do the chart. I just don't want people feeling offended that they were put in the other room or my guests feeling uncomfortable because it's different than the norm. I'm sure some people would appreciate being in the other room so that they can be removed from the hustle and bustle of everything, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Then again, it is just for dinner and maybe I am way overthinking this!

kipnus · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_seating-chart-yea-or-nay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:8297b1df-fd6a-4b06-a43d-b9c65a93dacdPost:d6e6994e-a7f0-4d88-8e5f-ed538d194a4b">Re: Seating Chart, Yea or Nay?</a>:
[QUOTE] If it wasn't for the other room issue, I think it would be a no-brainer for me--I'd do the chart. I just don't want people feeling offended that they were put in the other room or my guests feeling uncomfortable because it's different than the norm. I'm sure some people would appreciate being in the other room so that they can be removed from the hustle and bustle of everything, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Then again, it is just for dinner and maybe I am way overthinking this!
Posted by courtneyclare103[/QUOTE]<div>
Are you having any older kids or teens at your reception? Sometimes they prefer to sit a little further away from their parents and the older crowd.</div>

sleblanc72 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_seating-chart-yea-or-nay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:8297b1df-fd6a-4b06-a43d-b9c65a93dacdPost:6ffc1004-fdb6-45a3-a4fb-02c0a0e45502">Re: Seating Chart, Yea or Nay?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are doing assigned tables because of the catering. I think it's nice because then couples/families won't get split up. It's the norm around here, but if it is not for you, then do what feels right.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]
Ditto this. We're doing one but I've never been to a wedding without one. I think if it wasn't customary to me then it would confuse me so if it's not the norm and people wouldn't be used to it then I would say not to do it.

ncd5015 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_seating-chart-yea-or-nay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:8297b1df-fd6a-4b06-a43d-b9c65a93dacdPost:6ffc1004-fdb6-45a3-a4fb-02c0a0e45502">Re: Seating Chart, Yea or Nay?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are doing assigned tables because of the catering. I think it's nice because then couples/families won't get split up. It's the norm around here, but if it is not for you, then do what feels right.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

This. I've been to two weddings where they didn't have assigned seating. One was a madhouse to find a table to fit everyone you were sitting with and the other was more of a casual buffet, but there wasn't enough seating for everyone.

Maybe do reserved tables for WP and closest family and allow everyone else to find a place

MMRoberts11 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_seating-chart-yea-or-nay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:8297b1df-fd6a-4b06-a43d-b9c65a93dacdPost:724d7378-3305-49e3-a188-61d93d30df0c">Re: Seating Chart, Yea or Nay?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would do one. I would hope people in your families would be intelligent enough to get the idea or at least figure it out, and it's usually only for dinner anyway - in my family, tables are generally assigned and sometimes seats, but once dinner is over everyone gets up and moves to talk with other people, and rarely goes back to "their" seat unless they left something there. If you're worried about people not getting the idea and waiting until "later" to eat when there is no later, I'd consider using your ceremony program to outline the basic events of the night - e.g. "Ceremony, 5:30 to 6:00, Cocktail hour, 6:00 to 7:00, Dinner 7:00 to 8:00, Dancing and DJ, 8:00 to 12:00" to be a light notice that dinner is only being served for a short period of time.
Posted by DrPB2b13[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of this.

DrPB2b13 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_seating-chart-yea-or-nay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:8297b1df-fd6a-4b06-a43d-b9c65a93dacdPost:d6e6994e-a7f0-4d88-8e5f-ed538d194a4b">Re: Seating Chart, Yea or Nay?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>If it wasn't for the other room issue, I think it would be a no-brainer for me--I'd do the chart.</strong> I just don't want people feeling offended that they were put in the other room or my guests feeling uncomfortable because it's different than the norm. I'm sure some people would appreciate being in the other room so that they can be removed from the hustle and bustle of everything, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Then again, it is just for dinner and maybe I am way overthinking this!
Posted by courtneyclare103[/QUOTE]

Then I say do it.

Out of curiosity - how many people are you inviting vs. how many people will have to sit in the other room? If only about 10% will have to sit separately, there's a good chance you'll get enough "no" answers on your RSVPs to avoid seating people out there at all (not that you should be counting on this, but consider it a bright side to people not wanting/able to come ;)

kristin183 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_seating-chart-yea-or-nay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:8297b1df-fd6a-4b06-a43d-b9c65a93dacdPost:d6e6994e-a7f0-4d88-8e5f-ed538d194a4b">Re: Seating Chart, Yea or Nay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for offering y'all opinions on the situation! To touch on a few of the things y'all said: -<strong>I don't have room for extra tables.</strong>Maybe one, but that would be it. That's why I was really leaning toward the seating chart--I just don't have the space available to put extra tables and then have there be empty seats at some tables because of the way it works out. -I'm not worried about them not understanding the concept. I know that they'll figure out that the buffet will only be open for a certain time and that they don't have to sit in that seat all night. I'm just worried about them being uncomfortable/not liking the seating chart because it's not the norm. -They really won't have space to just add an extra chair or two to a table--we're already putting ten chairs at each table. That's another reason why I feel the need to do the seating chart If it wasn't for the other room issue, I think it would be a no-brainer for me--I'd do the chart. I just don't want people feeling offended that they were put in the other room or my guests feeling uncomfortable because it's different than the norm. I'm sure some people would appreciate being in the other room so that they can be removed from the hustle and bustle of everything, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Then again, it is just for dinner and maybe I am way overthinking this!
Posted by courtneyclare103[/QUOTE]

So I am not doing a seating chart or tables; it is not the norm in my area or family and I don't want to hassle with it. Our wedding is also buffet style; however I am placing napkins and favors at each seat so they know how many people are suppose to sit at each table. There will be extra picnic tables... but they won't have place settings and are in a whole different area... so if someone chooses to sit there.. they are doing it on their own.

I am reserving a few front tables for our bridal party and immediate family.

Shelly527IN · February 2012

I'm going to do a seating chart. I haven't been to a wedding that's had one, but sometimes wished there was one when trying to find a seat. I'm going to have several friends who are going to know anyone. Therefore, I'm putting my friends who are teachers at the same table as my co-workers (teachers). I don't like sitting with people I don't have anything in common with and don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

gregamywedding · February 2012

The only time I have ever seen a seating chart is when you are having a sit down meal and not with a buffet. I am having a buffet so I will not be doing one. People can sit where they want. I will have enough seats for everyone. The last time I went to a wedding that had assigned tables I was kind of annoyed. Me and FI flew to California for my cousin's wedding and I had not seen my dad in almost a year and we were not at the same table. She put me and FI with some of my younger cousins. I was not very happy about.

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