planning a wedding without my mom (deceased)

Re: planning a wedding without my mom (deceased)

• LuckyGirl1713

  

  January 2012

  I'm sorry that you are in this situation and that you are missing you rmother.  As for your father should say if you want to include your mother I would say, "Her mother and I."  or he can say "I do." 
  
  Ways to include your mother, you can get a brooch that has a frame in it sou can put your moms pictur ein it and attach it to your bouquet.  If you are having a full mass then I know there is always a moment to remember those who you wish were with you but have passed on.  You can make a special mention of her in your programs.  You can also have someone say a prayer at your reception and mention your mother and how even though she isn't there physically you know she is with you and watching over the joyous occassion.   Some people have a table at the ceremony or reception with pictures of those that have passed on.
  
  Do you have a piece of clothing of hers, maybe even your mother's wedding dress??  If you do then you can use the fabric to make a ring bearers pillow or use the lace to decorate your veil or the flower girl basket.  You can also sew in a small swatch of one of her clothes into the inside of your dress. It can be your somehting old.
  
  Hope that helps.

  

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• saric83 member

  

  January 2012

  You could have him say something as simple as "we do" (not necessarily having the we refer to him and your stepmom) or "her family does". 
  
  You could also talk with your officiant about just skipping saying that actual statement and saying something else.  My dad walked me down, but I don't remember our officiant asking him that.  He just kissed my cheek, shook H's hand and took a seat.   

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• artbyallie mod

  

  January 2012

  You can definitely skip that part if you prefer. Just make sure you inform your officiant.

  

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• TiffannieF member

  

  January 2012

  My mother passed away 2 years before the wedding as well. I know how you feel. My parents were married for 27 years and my dad also remarried. My father just said, "As her Father, I do." I had never planned for my dad to say "Her mother and I" so this was never brought up. Check out my bio under "In Memory of" on how I honored my mother. I have other ideas as well as cautions about "memorials". You could PM if you have any questions or concerns or somebody to talk to. I know how it is, not to have your mom there. *hugs*

  November 2011 Siggy Challenge: The First Kiss
  
  Fall Wedding Bio
  

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• kennazebrowsky

  

  January 2012

  My mom died when I was in Hs so I totally feel your pain. I agree with pp either slip it all together

  

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• maribeth721

  

  January 2012

  My Mom passed away when I was in high school. I know how hard this is. I know how planning every single detail can be a constant reminder that she is not here and that is very hard to deal with sometimes. Though my Mom has been gone 10 years, I find myself crying sometimes because I am so stressed about not having her here and the planning is a constant reminder of her absence. Anyways...I'm sure you know the awful feeling. My Dad will smiply be saying "I do." I mean after all my mother isn't here to give me away so it wouldn't make sense. I am doing a few small things for a memorial for her as well. I also caution this, like TiffannieF, said above. Message me if you are interested in hearing any of them. Good luck!

  

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• leamide

  

  January 2012

  My Mom passed away a year and a half ago, when I first started planning my wedding it was so hard, all it did was cry because I know how excited my Mom would have been to help me plan my wedding and there probably wouldn't have been any question as to what I may have wanted to do for my wedding, she would have made it happen. I even had to warn my florist ahead of time that I am a cryer! but she was great and understood. I have a wonderful friend that has been able to help me out so much it's been wonderful! My best friends Mom, who has always been like my second Mom has also been great! She want dress shopping with me and picked dresses out and helped with the details on my dress. Even thou my Mom won't be there I know she will be watching over us that day. I think my Dad will just say "I do' that day, because I kow he will be crying too.I plan on having a purple rose on the alter with something mentioned about her in my program.

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• PiscesCouple89 member

  

  January 2012

  My cousin was in a similar position to yours. She had a rose colored candle in a beautiful holder attached to the pew where her dad was sitting. When he gave her away his answer to the question who gives this woman... was "Her Mother and I do"
  Your step mother should realize and respect that your Mom is YOUR Mom and that you are something special that is between your Mom and Dad. She should respect you, your dad and the memory of your mom on this day. It's (Your wedding day and) not about her, it's about you and your husband.  Do what feels right deep down in your heart. Your mom will be there with you and loves you still. Check with your dad and see what he thinks.
  Also - no one announced what the candle was for. Those of us in the family knew and although it was emotional we understood and it made the event that much more special.

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• aeckburg87

  

  January 2012 edited January 2012

  thank you everyone for all the advice. as a not very happy thing to have in common but its nice to know that im not the only one in the same boat, i will take in consideration and will try to remember to update on what i do. thank you again!

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• theelusive1

  

  February 2012

  your officiant could say do you give this woman to be married.  your father could simply say yes.

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