omg....MIL...stop.

soontobehasrouni · July 2012

THIS CHICK! So check this out...as you know we are having an OOT wedding and were planning on coming back and havign a party. I did the math last night and the party will be out of the budget...i mean, we COULD pay for it, but for what? Obviously I dont care if you come or not, if I did, youd be invited to vegas :-) along with I dont want to be tripping over all your bad @ss kids which Id have to invite because your momma will have a fit if your son is invited and no one elses. Anyway, my dad and step dad and have helped alot with the wedding money and FI's parents havent. no big deal. im not mad...

except...

his momma is money hungry. she is always beggin FI down for money. i think she thinks because he works and I work, we have all this money laying around. I dont care if i had suitcases full of money, its OUR money. She gets allowance from her other two sons and feels like my FI should give her one too. wtf?

anyway, we are doing the math last night and realize we will be stretching it by having a party when we get home. but FI really wants the presents. (raggedy, i know) I told him we can just buy our own presents, since the money we are bout to spend at a reception will buy up our whole registry. So he calls his dad to ask if he can help with the cost of dinner in vegas, and tells him how my family has paid for x y and z. his dad says "ill think about it, we will talk tomorrow, etc etc"...cool right? til his ig-nant @ss momma says "consider that $1000 i gave u as a gift" (neither one of us have any idea what $1000 she is talking about).

So im like, you know what....forget it. you called your family and swallowed your pride to ask for help and your mother had something ignorant to say. its inappropriate in this moment. She is always mad cuz i dont come over EVERY SUNDAY, and this is why, cuz u always got something dumb to say and I dont have time for it. not to mention i work all week and the weekend are my off days and im not gunna take a day off of work to do laundry i could have gotten done on a sunday because i came to your house to listen to you complain. this woman will actually cry tears because of the most minor things and make them into the biggest issue. can you say DRAMA QUEEN?!

OH! and i didnt even tell yall about the engagement party! she insisted she throw us an engagement party, then would call us telling ushow expensive this and that was and how she has spent so much....basically fishing for money. UH....WE DIDNT EVEN WANT THIS PARTY OR ASK FOR IT!!!

so....ive been keeping my distance, and now ill keep it even more. because i know if i dont, ill end up going off and checking someone

TL25 · July 2012

Woosah! Yea ya MIL is straight crazy. I understand your feelings for her but does FI feel the same? If so, keep ya distance.

peachy2012 · July 2012

Maaaaaaan I thought I was the only one to have a future MIL like this. It is so annoying every time I turn around you got yo hand out for something, then had the nerve to ask why he bought something for me & not for you! Why he paying a lot of my bills and none of yours!!! Smh distance is the best thing but then those dumb comments gone come like "why she don't never come around, does she not like me?" LOL anyway...distance & shot convo is what keeps us from saying what we really want lol.

soontobehasrouni · July 2012

me and FI just got into it....i told him "dont you think its funny im conviently busy on sundays?" he said "chelsea, i know you....i know what youre doing"

She is insulting to me. I dont appreciate ANYONE insulting my future husband, and if she wasnt his momma, u best beleive id be all up in her face defending my man. This chick still brings up ish from his EX gf and how her feelings are hurt over something her son did when he was with her. GET OVER IT!!!!!!! Clearly, he isnt with her anymore, im the one with the ring. This woman will find the smallest issue and cry and make it into the biggest issue.

I refuse to go over there. and if they end up hating me for it, i dont care. lemme tell yall about the boundaries this woman DOESNT have.

So FSIL had a baby, came home, the next day after she came home the MIL came to HER house, and THREW A PARTY!!!!! are u kiddingme?!?!?! i told my FI i had a huge problem with going into this girls house the day after she got home from the hospital for a party. She tired, she is finally home after a hospital stay and most likely wants to be alone with her husband and new FIRST baby. FSIL is really soft and lets MIL walk on her and do wahtever she wants, I made it clear to FI when we have a baby, NOBODY is comin up in this house for like 3 weeks. leave me alone. can i adjust to motherhood please?

Needless to say, the baby ended up with a fever of 103 and pink eye....at four days old.

WHO GOES TO SOMEONE ELSES HOUSE TO THROW A PARTY THE DAY AFTER THEY GET HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL!!!?!!?!??!?!? I mean DAMN! The girl probably still had ambiotic fluid on her thighs!

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_omgmilstop?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:ca43ad89-2626-4b5d-a8cb-e378172b9973Post:027eb1af-b15e-4db6-a71a-1a6efd3c23d0">Re: omg....MIL...stop.</a>:
[QUOTE]Maaaaaaan I thought I was the only one to have a future MIL like this. It is so annoying every time I turn around you got yo hand out for something, then had the nerve to ask why he bought something for me & not for you! Why he paying a lot of my bills and none of yours!!! Smh distance is the best thing but then those dumb comments gone come like "why she don't never come around, does she not like me?" LOL anyway...distance & shot convo is what keeps us from saying what we really want lol.
Posted by peachy2012[/QUOTE]

soontobehasrouni · July 2012

girl he feels the same way but is used to it so he deals with it. I explained to him i dont have to dealwith it, she aint my momma. My momma tried to pull stupid stuff with me when i had first moved out the house....i had to politely check her and remind her she isnt the boss of me anymore. she doesnt do it anymore...unlike his mother, my mother knows her place.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_omgmilstop?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:ca43ad89-2626-4b5d-a8cb-e378172b9973Post:03cd92c6-1179-427f-b6a5-f6ce25035ae2">Re: omg....MIL...stop.</a>:
[QUOTE]Woosah! Yea ya MIL is straight crazy. I understand your feelings for her but does FI feel the same? If so, keep ya distance.
Posted by TL25[/QUOTE]

shabuka1 · July 2012

I feel for you girl. What I don't understand is why she has an allowance from the kids. Is she unable to support herself. I understand kids helping parents here and there, but to expect $ on a regular basis like a pay check is crazy to me. And she shouldnt even complain about doing something for her son. This is your child who is getting married you should want to do anything for your child. Anywho, I am quick to cut someone off. She wouldn't hear from me anytime soon except for holidays.

soontobehasrouni · July 2012

girl me too, i have no problem washing my hands clean with someone, family or not. Her other sons give her money....she tries to play them like "i gave you life and now u owe me"

uh...I DIDNT ASK TO BE BORN!

his parents are from Lebenon so they try to pretend like those rules apply here in america....NEWSFLASH-they dont.

She doesnt work, has never worked. All her kids have families yet she still feels they should take care of her. Herhusband is always gone working, probably just so he doesnt have to be at home with her,. She always screaming and screeching. She is nice and can be nice sometimes....but a lot of the time she is like a spoiled teenage brat!

She is constantly pointing out the bad things about my FI, but acts like he other kids are saints. even tho one son has a GF everyone hates and who always causes drama. The other son just got busted cheating on his wife with a 19 year old, and the daughter has 4 kids, two from her first hsband and 2 from her new husband. but she left her first two at the mommas house and she is raising them with no help from her daughter. and her daughter gets foodstamps for all four kids, but doesnt give her momma any to feed her two teenage sons she left over there. raggedy.

but my FI is the F'ed up one? All because he HAD a GF who was raggedy?

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_omgmilstop?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:ca43ad89-2626-4b5d-a8cb-e378172b9973Post:82516473-bf3e-44fb-8687-154e2776c456">Re: omg....MIL...stop.</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel for you girl. What I don't understand is why she has an allowance from the kids. Is she unable to support herself. I understand kids helping parents here and there, but to expect $ on a regular basis like a pay check is crazy to me. And she shouldnt even complain about doing something for her son. This is your child who is getting married you should want to do anything for your child. Anywho, I am quick to cut someone off. She wouldn't hear from me anytime soon except for holidays.

Posted by shabuka1[/QUOTE]

Yolie1098 · July 2012

I'm going to respond to this from a different point of view. When boyfriends and husbands tell us certain things about their mothers/family, we (women) seem to take it personally and put our boyfriends/husband in a difficult position because we no longer want to spend time with his family/mother. All families have drama and all of our mothers have done something or said something that makes up crazy at one time or another. Example, my brother's wife, does not get along with any of his family on either side (the 2 sides are totally different) but say the same thing about her. It puts him in a difficult position because she doesn't come around and acts uppidy when she does. When family goes to their house, she does not make his family feel welcome. I'm not talking about going out of her way, I'm talking about basic hospitality. He is put in the middle, trying to stand by his wife and wanting her to show his family the same respect he shows hers. The boyfriend/husband is talking to one of his family members about the issues and sharing information about the drama from your family. But he will go out of his way to show your family/mother the respect that she is due as your mother.

We know that women are catty, judgemental and will hold grudges.....do not make your husband/boyfriend feel like he has to choose between you and his family.....it is something that if it came down to it, he would never make you do. Many times, you hear women talking about their FI or husband mother/family in a negative light, please let somethings roll off your shoulder and hit the floor.

My parents divorced while I was in college and although his family contirbuted to the problems, my grandmother told my mom, do not let this divorce keep you away from us, you are still family. My mother ALWAYS showed his family/mother the same respect she expected my father to show her family and to this day.........

Now, I'm getting off my soap box, hope I didn't hurt any feelings, if you can take anything away from this, please do....sorry for grammer, typos ,etc...

Think, how would you feel if your husband would not go to your family functions with you......

soontobehasrouni · July 2012

ill always go to functions and all that.....but as far as sunday dinners every sunday. no way. im not ok with be disrespected. and when you disrespect my fiance, you disrespect me. Im also not ok with someone always having their hand out. Im not rude or mean to his mother, but I do have a problem with her behavior on my own time and im just choosing to stay away. Im not one to feed into drama and battle back and forth with her, so ill keep my distance. i used to go to sunday dinners every week, but it got to the point where she would embarrass him, and i just refuse to sit back and watch that

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_omgmilstop?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:ca43ad89-2626-4b5d-a8cb-e378172b9973Post:5f029d9c-9c51-487d-aed7-c0fbc19cff36">Re: omg....MIL...stop.</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to respond to this from a different point of view. When boyfriends and husbands tell us certain things about their mothers/family, we (women) seem to take it personally and put our boyfriends/husband in a difficult position because we no longer want to spend time with his family/mother. All families have drama and all of our mothers have done something or said something that makes up crazy at one time or another. Example, my brother's wife, does not get along with any of his family on either side (the 2 sides are totally different) but say the same thing about her. It puts him in a difficult position because she doesn't come around and acts uppidy when she does. When family goes to their house, she does not make his family feel welcome. I'm not talking about going out of her way, I'm talking about basic hospitality. He is put in the middle, trying to stand by his wife and wanting her to show his family the same respect he shows hers. The boyfriend/husband is talking to one of his family members about the issues and sharing information about the drama from your family. But he will go out of his way to show your family/mother the respect that she is due as your mother. We know that women are catty, judgemental and will hold grudges.....do not make your husband/boyfriend feel like he has to choose between you and his family.....it is something that if it came down to it, he would never make you do. Many times, you hear women talking about their FI or husband mother/family in a negative light, please let somethings roll off your shoulder and hit the floor. My parents divorced while I was in college and although his family contirbuted to the problems, my grandmother told my mom, do not let this divorce keep you away from us, you are still family. My mother ALWAYS showed his family/mother the same respect she expected my father to show her family and to this day......... Now, I'm getting off my soap box, hope I didn't hurt any feelings, if you can take anything away from this, please do....sorry for grammer, typos ,etc... Think, how would you feel if your husband would not go to your family functions with you......
Posted by Yolie1098[/QUOTE]

soontobehasrouni · July 2012

its kinda to the point now where now im taking it personal....when i was just his GF and she would dog him, i just let it go....but now its like she is dogging US. if WE dont hand her money she is dogging US, he we choose to parent his son her certain way she is dogging US. she doesnt understand we live as equals, our money is equal, our opinion is equal, we make decisions together etc....so if u dog one, youre dogging the other.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_omgmilstop?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:ca43ad89-2626-4b5d-a8cb-e378172b9973Post:2b5cbbdd-4bca-4867-918f-2dbc47986094">Re: omg....MIL...stop.</a>:
[QUOTE]ill always go to functions and all that.....but as far as sunday dinners every sunday. no way. im not ok with be disrespected. and when you disrespect my fiance, you disrespect me. Im also not ok with someone always having their hand out. Im not rude or mean to his mother, but I do have a problem with her behavior on my own time and im just choosing to stay away. Im not one to feed into drama and battle back and forth with her, so ill keep my distance. i used to go to sunday dinners every week, but it got to the point where she would embarrass him, and i just refuse to sit back and watch that In Response to Re: omg....MIL...stop. :
Posted by soontobehasrouni[/QUOTE]

tirathemrs · July 2012

OMG girl i feel you...my FMIL isnt easy to get along with either and his granny dont even speak to me (LOL) but i try to keep my distance and if i have to go by his moms its a hi and bye thing...all they knw is my FI and my son sooo i let it stay that way..i refuse to kiss you butt just to talk to me...and since i hate putting him in such a akward situation i just keep my distance...but best of luck with you situation girlfriend i completely understand

soontobehasrouni · July 2012

i never wanted to be the daughter in law who stays away, but i just wont deal with it. i hate being forced to do anything. its not that im sad about keeping my distance...i do that naturally anyway. i look at it as its my life and family and the only people i need to worry about is me, my fiance and step son. if other people have opinions on what or how we do things than thats too bad. its unfortunate that i feel this way and that im going to have to stay away for now but it is what it is. FI tried to explain to her that im like this naturally, i was single for a long time and lived alone for a long time and am not used to or feel the need to be surrounded by family. my parents were divorced and my mothers family lives acorss the country, family wasnt a big thing in my world. so she kinda treats me like im an orphan, like im unfortunate to not have such a close family. personally, i love it! my parents dont meddle in my business, they let me make my own decisions without voicing their opinion....its great. im just so not used to families like this one, where everyone needs to be involved in everyones business. itll take some getting used to on both ends....ill have to realize they are like that, theyll have to realize im not. I understand people will always have an opinion, but keep it to yourself...talk bad about us with your husband, dont do it in our face like we are going to change to please YOU. cuz in the end, who are you really? you aint payin a bill up in here, aint puttin food on this table, etc. in the end, it boils down to she cant deal with the fact that all her kids have grown up and started their own families and she feels left behind.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_omgmilstop?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:ca43ad89-2626-4b5d-a8cb-e378172b9973Post:f59d1fb7-4edf-4007-a52b-cf5154053e56">Re: omg....MIL...stop.</a>:
[QUOTE]OMG girl i feel you...my FMIL isnt easy to get along with either and his granny dont even speak to me (LOL) but i try to keep my distance and if i have to go by his moms its a hi and bye thing...all they knw is my FI and my son sooo i let it stay that way..i refuse to kiss you butt just to talk to me...and since i hate putting him in such a akward situation i just keep my distance...but best of luck with you situation girlfriend i completely understand
Posted by misstira[/QUOTE]

omg....MIL...stop.

Re: omg....MIL...stop.

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