October 2013 Weddings

No Kids Zone

I don't want kids at my wedding  or our reception. But I have settled for banishing them only from the reception.

I'm thinking about setting up a seperate kids room with one or two donations babysitters and letting the kids do all that kids want to do somewhere that's supervised and not distracting from the masterpeice of a reception we are creating.

Is that too much? And how do I mae the room AWESOME so they stay there :-)

---
side note:

We are also facing fertility issues so seeing children ususally sends me off the deepend in self-concious internalizations of what I can't do naturally (most of the kids there will be from unmarried teen moms and that somehow makes it worse). So I really really don't want kids there for more reasons than just that they're annoying additions to nice weddings .
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Re: No Kids Zone

  • I think ettiquette wise you just make the rule of no children allowed on the invitations. You cant say oh yes bring them to my ceremony but not the reception.

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  • assuming the room is far enough away from the reception so that there's no noise interferrance (but close enough for worried parents), how about kids movies, board games, ballons?
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  • dewingedpixiedewingedpixie member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited December 2012

    Also if you find children so annoying then perhaps reconsider the money you're spending having them.

    I love my daughter more than anything! However there are times she drives me batty. Due to my own issues placing me high risk, the costs involved with having a child, we've decided to not have anymore. My fiance has no children. We love my kid to death, but I dont think I could handle more than one. We do take her everywhere though and do lots of fun things with her :).

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  • NO! If you want no kids, then you only address invites to the adults. You cant allow them to the ceremony and banish them from the reception. The only kids invited to our wedding are our neice and nephews, no others. Not even my MOH's son is invited.

     

  • Unfortunately, there really is no way to do this.  On your invites, you just include the names of those who are invited (and leave off the names of the children)

    Be prepared that there may be some guests who will not attend due to the lack of children. Having to give up a day, hire a babysitter, give a wedding gift, and possibly need  a hotel room or travel, it just isn't worth it for someone who has children. You then are paying a large amount of money to be apart from your family for a period of time to someone else's event. 

    And you are a very sweet girl from other posts, but "the masterpiece of a reception" you are creating only seems as such to you and your fiance, as a couple. Others may see it is a fun event and indeed enjoy the food, music and decorations, but, as I always like to think, "no one cares as much about your wedding as yourself."

    My sister has a son and is pregnant (baby will be about 5 months by time of wedding), FI's siblings each have 1 - 2 kids, all of our cousins have kids, as do members of the bridal party and friends - if we said "NO KIDS" I think our event guest lists would be cut in half - or a large percentage of our family would be pretty pissed at us. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_no-kids-zone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:8b3f2135-510f-4ec1-b264-c5a9eca685caPost:6ad5c2a0-8820-4ca8-912d-0e8fbcad3757">No Kids Zone</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't want kids at my wedding  or our reception. <strong>But I have settled for banishing them only from the reception.</strong> I'm thinking about setting up a seperate kids room with one or two donations babysitters and letting the kids do all that kids want to do somewhere that's supervised and <strong>not distracting from the masterpeice of a reception we are creating</strong>. Is that too much? And how do I mae the room AWESOME so they stay there :-) --- side note: We are also facing fertility issues so seeing children ususally sends me off the deepend in self-concious internalizations of what I can't do naturally (most of the kids there will be from unmarried teen moms and that somehow makes it worse). <strong>So I really really don't want kids there for more reasons than just that they're annoying additions to nice weddings</strong> .
    Posted by GoldenCityDreamer[/QUOTE]

    <div>This left a bad taste in my mouth, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt that this relates to your fertility issues, because you do seem nice in other posts.  With that being said, my FI and I don't have kids, but kids will be invited to the ceremony and the reception.  I was on the fence about it, until a friend's 8 year old daughter asked her if she would be invited to the wedding.  Her mom explained to her that some people don't have kids at their weddings.  Her daughter's response was, "She would never do that to me.  She is my friend."   After I heard about that, the decision was made for us.  Her daughter IS my friend, and she will make our wedding a memory in her life also.  Out of the mouths of babes....</div>

  • Also, left a bad taste in my mouth.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_no-kids-zone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:8b3f2135-510f-4ec1-b264-c5a9eca685caPost:524c614d-c976-438c-874d-77d33b305233">Re: No Kids Zone</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to No Kids Zone : This left a bad taste in my mouth, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt that this relates to your fertility issues, because you do seem nice in other posts.  With that being said, my FI and I don't have kids, but kids will be invited to the ceremony and the reception.  I was on the fence about it, until a friend's 8 year old daughter asked her if she would be invited to the wedding.  Her mom explained to her that some people don't have kids at their weddings.  Her daughter's response was, "She would never do that to me.  She is my friend."   After I heard about that, the decision was made for us.  Her daughter IS my friend, and she will make our wedding a memory in her life also.  Out of the mouths of babes....
    Posted by Rochelle041[/QUOTE]
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  • Ditto to everything that's already been said.

    I don't know any parent that would put their kid out of sight with someone who is a stranger to them and to their kids.  No way.  While it's a kind consideration on your part, it's not likely to happen.

    And from the experience I have had, many people find it plain rude to be invited to an event like a wedding but have their children strictly prohibited.  So my advice is to figure out if having the children outweighs the possibility of not having the parents.   It's all or none. 

    Forgive me, but a few things struck me as a bit off. It could be the mood I am in that made me read your post in a tone that is different than the way you wrote it.  What masterpiece are you creating that would be ruined by children?  "Ruin" is a pretty strong word. And like PP said, it really is only a masterpiece to you. Most parents will do everything in their power to keep their annoying children from ruining any part of your wedding.  I realize there is a bigger issue at play here and if you feel you really will be focusing on the fertility and unable to enjoy your wedding then the choice is clear.   


    S'mores. Just S'mores please.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_no-kids-zone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:8b3f2135-510f-4ec1-b264-c5a9eca685caPost:6ad5c2a0-8820-4ca8-912d-0e8fbcad3757">No Kids Zone</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't want kids at my wedding  or our reception. But I have settled for banishing them only from the reception. I'm thinking about setting up a seperate kids room with one or two <strong>donations babysitters</strong> and letting the kids do all that kids want to do somewhere that's supervised and not distracting from the <strong>masterpeice of a reception we are creating.</strong> Is that too much? Posted by GoldenCityDreamer[/QUOTE]

    Plusalso, WTF is a donations babysitter? You are going to take donations from people to have others watch kids? Thats just like saying "hey you can bring johnny, but you have to pay for a sitter to watch him."

    I don't get it.

    The second bolded, Get off your F*cking high horse already.

     

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_no-kids-zone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:8b3f2135-510f-4ec1-b264-c5a9eca685caPost:6ad5c2a0-8820-4ca8-912d-0e8fbcad3757">No Kids Zone</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't want kids at<strong> my</strong> wedding  or <strong>our</strong> reception. But I have settled for banishing them only from the reception. 
    Posted by GoldenCityDreamer[/QUOTE]

    <div>Looking at this post again, I had to laugh at this slip.  MY wedding and OUR reception.  </div>

  • I love kids! I enjoy them. I play nanny for my neices and nephew when they get a new sibling and the parents don't have the energy to keep up with the toddlers and new baby. I just don't like the behavior and habits of the kids of some of our younger cousins... They refuse to keep their children in check ANYWHERE (The Mall, resturants, church, concerts....) Every where we go, everytime there is a gathering, they allow their littlest guests run around like wild things. It hurts to want to raise children so bad to watch someone else allow their kids to act out in public with such severity. My neices and nephews are great so I know it's not a I hate kids thing. They play but they don't shout above adults or deliberately do destructive things for entertainment. So it's not kids in general, it's their kids specific. I don't want their kids at the reception because I can't trust them to remain tame for the durration of the party. I would rather not say "Lisa your kid isn't invited but these kids are." That seems outragously rude. Kids don't like receptions anyway they would rather play, color, or watch tv.

    The decision is to have the mall children terrorize the reception or have them in a seperate room. We're renting an ENTIRE inn with many rooms and it will be just our family and close friends staying in the building so it's a very private setting, equipped with wi-fi and I'm sure we can set up video monitoring so parents can check on their kids from their phones or just peak around the corner.

    It seemed like a very practical decision to me since we have plenty of rooms that are open and wont be used durring the reception. And since the venue is exclusive to our family and guests it seemed private enough to allow a kids space.


    Around that corner is a huge TV and couch. We can put on a fun kids dvd or something.


    They can move out the games and we can turn it into a pretty nice play space for the kids to run around and not be bored out of their child minds. I was also thinking that they toys in the kids room would be "take home" toys as their party favors like toy trucks or something.


    Yes, I was going to pay the care giver. I thought it would work as a donations bar, parents could help pay for the care and we'll pay up the difference and some. Usually, at the activities that I witnessed parents want to pay for their child's cargiver or at least give them tips individually. And since I know my guests, they will be drinking... a lot. To me a parent wouldn't want to have their child watch them get drunk or feel responsible for keeping track of their child while drinking and carrying on.

    I'm not on a high horse, I'm honest to the situation and how I feel about it. I'm just trying to avoid situations that will make me/us feel bad on our special day. Bad behaved kids are distracting anywhere. My fiance is also sensitive to the disruptive child thing since he is also suffering infertility issues. He didn't want kids anywhere at the weekend and wanted to make it an adult's only get away weekend but I wanted my neice and nephew there and thought it would be better if they had other kids their age to mingle with.
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  • edited December 2012
    @dwingedpixie I didn't plan on saying now kids aren't allowed. I was going to present it as a kids reception, a fun place for kids to be!

    @stina ALL OF US are planning the perfect day and spending a lot of money to make it happen. Each of us has a masterpeice, a vision or else we wouldn't spend the money to manifest something we're indifferent about. Like our wedding dresses are all different so are our perfect receptions. Stop jumping to critisism when you don't understand something or someone. It's unnessesary.

    @Rochelle the kids in question (the kids making the issue), I don't know them. They are never around unless there's a family get together. The only kids I know personally is my neices and nephews and they're GREAT kids. I'm talking about the 4-6 year olds who spend most of their day in day care in the day and babysitters at night and early in the morning, so when they are around family they're screaming and being really rude to get the attention that they aren't getting other times. Infants & young babies stay with their parents at the reception. I have no problem with that. I just don't thinkg that they would have fun at our reception and would get restless very quickly and you know, scream, get rude...
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_no-kids-zone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:8b3f2135-510f-4ec1-b264-c5a9eca685caPost:481ea49f-5b97-4cd9-b0bf-ad774c67ad34">Re: No Kids Zone</a>:
    [QUOTE]@dwingedpixie I didn't plan on saying now kids aren't allowed. I was going to present it as a kids reception, a fun place for kids to be! @stina <strong>ALL OF US are planning the perfect day and spending a lot of money to make it happen. Each of us has a masterpeice, a vision or else we wouldn't spend the money to manifest something we're indifferent about. Like our wedding dresses are all different so are our perfect receptions. Stop jumping to critisism when you don't understand something or someone. It's unnessesary</strong>. @Rochelle the kids in question (the kids making the issue), I don't know them. They are never around unless there's a family get together. The only kids I know personally is my neices and nephews and they're GREAT kids. I'm talking about the 4-6 year olds who spend most of their day in day care in the day and babysitters at night and early in the morning, so when they are around family they're screaming and being really rude to get the attention that they aren't getting other times. Infants & young babies stay with their parents at the reception. I have no problem with that. I just don't thinkg that they would have fun at our reception and would get restless very quickly and you know, scream, get rude...
    Posted by GoldenCityDreamer[/QUOTE]

    The way YOU word things makes your wedding sound like its the end of the world if this or that happens or doesn't happen. The way you've talked about your wedding is so out there. NO one else talks about their weddings like that. We are all practical. The way you word some of your posts make you sound that way.

    With regards to the kids not liking receptions, where the heck do you get that from? ALL the kids I've ever seen at weddings, LOVE LOVE LOVE receptions. They like the lights, the dancing, having fun with other kids.

    With what you said to Rochelle, if it's not the issue with your nieces and nephews, only invite them! People will get it. If its friends kids that you cant stand their behavior, DO NOT INVITE THEM! This is not that complicated of a thing but you always make it that way. Also asking your guests for a "donation" to help pay for your sitter, go over to freaking Etiquette and ask them! I bet you hate their responses just as much as mine.

    I've been on TK for a while now, posting a lot longer then most girls in this board. I've seen all the crazy things people say, and I've seen them basically get eaten alive. I've been pretty nice about the way I respond to you.

     

  • Do you have a plan regarding what to do if your cousins' terror kids decide to come down to the reception anyway?  I someone going to go up to your cousin and say, "Hey Vikki, this is an adults only reception.  The kids reception is upstairs.  You are free to go up there if Johnny wants his mommy, but Johnny can't be in here."  I think that would piss off the cousins even more than not having kids at all.

    If the concern is that the parents are going to get drunk in front of their kids, I think the bigger issue is going to be with them putting these kids in a car and driving them home after the reception, if they aren't staying at the inn.  In that situation, I doubt a parent who drives their kid home while drunk is going to be mindful about drinking in front of them.  

    If the issue is having your niece and nephew there, then maybe you should just have those well behaved children at the ceremony and reception and not allow other kids.  (Immediate family's children only).  It just seems like an awful lot of work so that they can have kids their own age to mingle with.  The kids you describe will likely end up punching one of them anyway.  

    I think setting up a tip jar for babysitting or asking parents to help pay for it is inappropriate.

    No one who responded to the thread has said this is a fantastic idea, so maybe you should rethink it a bit before implementing the idea.  

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_no-kids-zone?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:8b3f2135-510f-4ec1-b264-c5a9eca685caPost:aafcb163-30a9-405d-92ca-7c7f08271b29">Re: No Kids Zone</a>:
    [QUOTE]I love kids! I enjoy them. I play nanny for my neices and nephew when they get a new sibling and the parents don't have the energy to keep up with the toddlers and new baby. I just don't like the behavior and habits of the kids of some of our younger cousins... They refuse to keep their children in check ANYWHERE (The Mall, resturants, church, concerts....) Every where we go, everytime there is a gathering, they allow their littlest guests run around like wild things. It hurts to want to raise children so bad to watch someone else allow their kids to act out in public with such severity. My neices and nephews are great so I know it's not a I hate kids thing. They play but they don't shout above adults or deliberately do destructive things for entertainment. So it's not kids in general, it's their kids specific. I don't want their kids at the reception because I can't trust them to remain tame for the durration of the party. I would rather not say "Lisa your kid isn't invited but these kids are." That seems outragously rude. Kids don't like receptions anyway they would rather play, color, or watch tv. The decision is to have the mall children terrorize the reception or have them in a seperate room. We're renting an ENTIRE inn with many rooms and it will be just our family and close friends staying in the building so it's a very private setting, equipped with wi-fi and I'm sure we can set up video monitoring so parents can check on their kids from their phones or just peak around the corner. It seemed like a very practical decision to me since we have plenty of rooms that are open and wont be used durring the reception. And since the venue is exclusive to our family and guests it seemed private enough to allow a kids space. Around that corner is a huge TV and couch. We can put on a fun kids dvd or something. They can move out the games and we can turn it into a pretty nice play space for the kids to run around and not be bored out of their child minds. I was also thinking that they toys in the kids room would be "take home" toys as their party favors like toy trucks or something. Yes, I was going to pay the care giver. I thought it would work as a donations bar, parents could help pay for the care and we'll pay up the difference and some. Usually, at the activities that I witnessed parents want to pay for their child's cargiver or at least give them tips individually. And since I know my guests, they will be drinking... a lot. To me a parent wouldn't want to have their child watch them get drunk or feel responsible for keeping track of their child while drinking and carrying on. I'm not on a high horse, I'm honest to the situation and how I feel about it. I'm just trying to avoid situations that will make me/us feel bad on our special day. Bad behaved kids are distracting anywhere. My fiance is also sensitive to the disruptive child thing since he is also suffering infertility issues. He didn't want kids anywhere at the weekend and wanted to make it an adult's only get away weekend but I wanted my neice and nephew there and thought it would be better if they had other kids their age to mingle with.
    Posted by GoldenCityDreamer[/QUOTE]

    <div>From your response, it seems you are going to do it anyway. Which is fine - it is your wedding and you can do things your way.</div><div>
    </div><div>If I were a guest with a child - I would not attend.  There are just too many flags and I just wouldn't want to be bothered.  I understand having fertility issues and using that as a way of gracefully saying "no children" - believe me, I do. But you have to be prepared that your dream wedding may not have as many guests are you originally intended if there are implications put on your guests.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm from NJ, the land of ridiculously large and expensive weddings. I don't always agree with the style and pageantry and prices and whatnot of the NJ culture of weddings. However, I have been to some really expensive and crazy affairs - and children are there! Ans nothing is ruined because of them. When there are 400 people there, the bride doesn't see all of the guests, forget even noticing the children (Speaking from experience). It's a fact of life - if you get married beyond the age of, oh, say 25 (and I am 29), there is a really good chance that your friends and family members who are married before you (or not) already have children.</div><div>
    </div><div>And it's easy to say that your nieces and nephews behave well and that other peoples' children do not.  That is actually quite judgey, when you say yourself that you don't see the other children all that often.  There are some children on my side that are not always angelic, and there are some children of friends that are very mild mannered.  What happens if your own children don't always meet your behavioral expectations? A misbehaved child does not make a bad parent, just as a bad parent does not make a misbehaved child.</div><div>
    </div><div>I think you should just be a bit more open minded about this and possibly some of your other decisions.  Yes, this is a big day in your life for you and your husband to be.  Your reactions are just a bit out there at times - and it's easier for us to make comments than your real life friends - we have the anonymity of the internet and you don't know any of us in real life. But, if you are saying things that we feel are slightly absurb, there's a good chance that your real life friends and family think the same way.</div><div>
    </div><div>Take a step back - breath - think about your wording and your decisions. The day is about you, but the entire world can't revolve around you.  It's probably not healthy to get emotional when FI agrees with some element of the planning or watching a tv show, just as it is not totally healthy to be willing to fly across the globe to find a dress with a large entourage. Heck, I've visited dress stores for a specific dress only to find it looked awful on me! I would have been mortified if it had been a long trip or if others had come along for the ride as well. You need to plan this wedding, but also take your mental health and normal decision making processes into consideration. It is one day - your lifetime together is far more important. Don't  make rash decisions and judgements that may have negative implications that will follow after that one day.</div>
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    image 293 (Adults) Invited
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  • Just dont invite the children that you dont like. Dunno maybe I'm a b*tch but I tell my own child no you cant hang out with so and so because their behavoir is awful. I certainly wouldnt allow a badly behaved child into my house because I wont lie my house is covered in antiques, glass wear, and museum pieces. Then again all this family political crap is exactly why we decided the costs of a big wedding werent worth the stress and frustrations associated with it.
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  • edited December 2012
    @dewingedpixie that's exactly the issue. The entire living familiy is invited. It seems difficult to not invite just three women and their children. I'm probobly going to leave it up to my mother to deal with she knows her in and outs of the familiy more than I. It's only one day so I don't want to have someone uninvited because they are family. We might be cutting out all of the cousins (which will be nice expence wise) but there are cousins that I would LOVE to have attend. I'm really considering giving up and letting my mother and his grandmother finish planning the weekend and inviting guests.

    @Rochelle: My biggest concern is that we make it Adults Only and they bring their kids anyway because that's the type of people they are sometimes. We rented out the entire inn all of our guests will be staying on property so no one is driving anywhere after the reception, and the wedding is a destination wedding so no one lives nearby to have someplace to go away to. We planned it this way.

    I'd pay for a caregiver maybe even an RN to watch the little ones but usually, in our family, the parents make the point to want to pay for their own childcare themselves, even if it's provided. It's like that for every event with childcare provided, so it's a family thing money isn't an issue. They'll tip her/him anyway. I'm not setting up a jar lol but I am considering asking the caregiver to put the tips towards the total cost of her services. It doesn't have to be formally a tipping thing.

    @Sewinlove: I say this based on the time I have spent with the kids and the occations they have been a part of from my observation they always found a way to steal the spotlight from what was going on. I am concerned that the wedding will turn into that wedding with those kids.

    I don't care if they're bad parents or if the kids are bad kids or who caused what. The fact is that the children (plural) are prone to really disrupt family gatherings to a point that's really uncomfortable for everyone and the golden aged people are really fed up with the children's behavior, and yes these children in particular.

    I wanted ideas to make the space as kid appealing as possible so that they would rather be there than at the reception. My mother asked me how we wanted to deal with the particular children because she personally didn't want them invited at all. She has spent personal time with them and she's set on not having them their eigther.  IIt's not other people, they're my family. I have friends with marvoulous kids. Kids will be kids but kids don't have to be perpetual chaos machines. I know I would be more comfortable not being sad that those children behave poorly, not becuase they're bad kids, they just don't know how to get the attention they crave possitively.

    & The Dress shopping things, I REALLY feel like that's a personal thing. If anyone on this board wanted their entire bridal party flown to Japan to try on a dress, that's really up to them and how they would want to spend their money and what they want their dress shopping experince to be. For me dress shopping is an opportunity to get the hens of the family together for the first time as just us girls and bond, we wont have another opportunity until the wedding weekend. I think that my shopping experience is just as valid as someone flying to NYC solo or going to a local shop with their mother. It's a unique experience and we all make it our own. So for us it's a girls day out for us and I'm happy with it. I already tried on and picked the dress, we're just going through the motions and maybe I'll pick a better one. Thanks for brining it up.

    And the FI watching the TV show thing. Omg I was just mostly entained that he was watching a wedding related TV show for the first time on his own. He has been completely involved with planning he just never understood how things wouls mesh together. Now he sort of has a functioning idea. Much more goes on in our relationship wedding related than what I post online. Thank you. I just thought it was funny and pleasent.

    And it's not a mental health thing. I'm just a mom who hasn't gotten the chance to be a mother yet. Sometimes its hard and certain things trigger certain emotions for us. Sometimes I feel envyous of parents with children, or emotional when a parent hugs their child at graduation... it's something that we are really looking forward to so a lot of emotions are triggered with things that are associated with it. Its like he or she is away at summer camp and I'm waiting for them to come home.

    @stina: The entire family is invited. If I don't invite them then it would be the entire living family in attendance minus the three moms and the five kids. It's hard to just not invite them. But it might be the only etiquette option.

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