Finish college first then have the wedding or do what i want?

thelaurainn · July 2010

My mom wants me happy and told me that if my fiance and i want to get married during my four years at Radford University then do what i want.. but my father is already afraid that my guy is distracting me from my school work. As compromise i temporarily chose to get married 2012 the year before my senior year but i'm still not sure, what do you guys think?

Muffin'sMom · July 2010

Finish school FIRST! If the relationship is real, it will wait. You have a lot of things to see and do before you take that step. Do them now, so you won't feel cheated and resentful later. I know MANY married couples who didn't make it for that exact reason.

A long time ago, my parents paid for my room and board for college. My mom was 16 when she got married, and her BIGGEST thing was for my sister and I to have our own lives before we chose to share them with someone else. She made up sign a contract that said that if we got married before we graduated from college, that we had to pay her back...and she was serious!

I'm glad I did. I married my husband one month after graduation. While I wouldn't change anything that happened...I wish I had lived on my own for a year or so in between. I missed that part of being independant.

npasquale16 · July 2010

I agree with PP. The relationship will certainly last if it's meant to be. In the mean time, enjoy school! College is such an amazing experience and you should be free to learn and experience everything without the worry of planning a wedding. I'm NOT saying break up or date others, but you should just focus on being a student and developing yourself as a person, so that when you guys do get married, you both know who you are and what you want out of life.

Rice11 · July 2010

I am getting married 2 months before I graduate from nursing school, so needless to say there will be stress. I believe, however, that even if we're students we still get to move on with the rest of our lives. The relationship will last either way, but sometimes we want to feel like our relationship is growing, and it isn't really fair to force ourselves to slow down just because were getting an education at the same time. If you feel like you can handle the stress of wedding planning and the stress of school all at once, then go for it.

The only thing I will add is do not drop out for the wedding. Definately finish school, so you can get your marriage started off right.

kedorsett · July 2010

Fi and I are waiting til we graduate. (The wedding is the week after, actually!!) College is stressful and junior/senior year are going to be the busiest. We just don't have time to have a wedding until afterwards. Plus, marriage is awesome, but hard work. We both woudl love to get married now but we're being practical.

If your FI and you love each other and are committed, then what difference does one more year make anyways? Spend the extra time planning, saving money and enjoying each other.

rsturgis · July 2010

I'm getting married this August and I will have one semester of college left afterword. We know we want to get married, and we would rather do it when it feels right than wait because that's what most people do. We have already been engaged for over a year, and it would have been easy to wait until I graduate but that's just not what we wanted. Your relationship is your own thing that only you can understand. Also, if your relationship is real he will distract you from schoolwork and college life just as much whether you get married now or not.

That being said, it is hard being a student and having such a serious relationship, so you'll have to be careful. Make sure you are both willing to make time with your friends and do things separately. And definitely do not drop out of school for your marriage.

Also, make sure you are financially in an ok place to get married. My parents are still helping me pay for the last semester of tuition, but I am financially independent in every other way: I pay rent, buy my own groceries, etc. I think it would feel very uncomfortable to be married but still completely dependent on my parents, especially because you should be making financial decisions together with your husband. That's something to think about before you make your decision.

CWill16 · July 2010

I can see this maybe working if he is not a student and you are or he is able to pay for your school and all of your living expenses.

RCAFWedding · July 2010

Hello! I'm new to this board, but I thought I'd offer up my opinion anyway.

Wait 'til after college, for all of the above reasons. I was a little jealous of the girls in college that were getting married, I'll admit, but now I'm planning my wedding while they're dealing with divorces (not all of them of course, but too many were in such a hurry to get married they didn't pay attention to WHO they were marrying!) College is too stressful (and still somehow fun) to spend it fussing over guest lists and vendors, and if you're paying for your own wedding doing it on a student income would be frustrating (unless you landed a better college job than I did, but I DID enjoy delivering pizzas!) Also, and I'm sure you hate hearing it, but you may be surprised at how much you change in just a few short years, and if you two are meant to be, what's waiting a little longer?

sramsey51796 · July 2010

I say do whatever makes you happiest. My FI and I are getting married in March. I will have one year left of school when we tie the know. We already live together and share living expenses so there's not going to be a big change there for us. We just wanted to go ahead and get married. He is very supportive of me going to school. As long as your FI is supportive and can help out with everything I don't think there should be a problem.

mizzicantwait · July 2010

I voted waiting until after college. In order to succeed as a couple you must succeed as an individual and a year before graduating can change a lot of things even if you are not planning on it (ie. pregnancy, bills, or just a change in lifestyle). I mean my fiance and I have been dating since High School (2004) and we are waiting a year after we graduate college (2012). But regardless of everything I just wrote the choice is yours and you and your man are the only one that know your relationship. So good luck with whatever you choose I am sure at the end of the day it will be the best decision for the both of you.

Lisa8888 · July 2010

Finish college first.

vintage610 · July 2010

My fiance and I are getting married a few weeks after we graduate. We felt like if we were to do it sooner, we would feel like we made this step into adulthood by getting married but then regressed by having to go back to the same college, the same classes, the same routine in September. This way, we are moving forward in our relationship AND in our academics since we'll be graduating, getting married, and then going off to Grad school.

katifaye · July 2010

My FI and I have been together for 5 years, started dating in HS. I currently am an undergrad and he has a job (union carpenter). We have lived together for a year already, and plan to be married on 11.11.11, which will be after I graduate from my undergrad but WHILE I am in dental school...everyone tried to say the same things to me, to wait, but I had already made up my mind. I wasn't supposed to graduate until 2012, but have managed to do it in 3 years. With that being said, just do it when you feel like it is right, no matter what other think. It is your life, and you need to be happy with it!

sexymander · July 2010

I would have to vote to wait. The decision is up to you though. My fiance and I decided to wait a few months until after I graduate. We're going to use that time to look for a house as well as look for jobs where we're going to move. It's going to help us out because with me getting a higher paying job we can save up for a few months and have a start on bills, house payments, ect.

LMB311 · July 2010

I have about 9 hours left to take, and I've taken it slow and been in college for 6 years, but I'm fortunate because my FI is 10 years older than I am and more than willing to help out in any way he can. I plan on finishing up with school before we get married. Going back to grad school while you're married is a totally different thing. If niether of you have finished undergrad, I'd say wait...I only go to school part time, and I have more than enough on my plate planning the wedding and managing school. I couldn't imagine going full time and planning.

mmealy · August 2010

Hey neighbor!! I just graduated from Virginia Tech

I would definitely wait until after you graduate. Or at least 2012 and see how things are going. College in itself is stressful enough. Speaking for myself, I know FI would have distracted me... heck, he did a good enough job of it while we were just dating!

Take time to enjoy your college years.. you never get them back.

DramaGeek · September 2010

You know, it can be really hard, but you have to do what is best for you. For my H and me, that meant getting married a semester before I graduated. Eight years later, we're doing great - as are most of the people we know who got married during college. But it really depends on you and your Fi, your personal situation, and your relationship. I will say that your parents know you well. Our parents didn't object because they knew us and knew we'd take both our marriage and our education seriously, and we did. We both finished school and I have a masters. However, if my parents had warned us against getting married before graduating, we definitely would have taken that seriously since they know us extremely well and only have our best interest in mind.

Finish college first then have the wedding or do what i want?

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