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Concerns.....

missmari387missmari387 member
First Comment
in Wedding Woes
So my sweetie, is very hesistant about having a wedding in my homestate(Md)....his concerns are valid, but I do appreciate sound advice.  Backstory: His family are the type of people who have to stop and really think about if they are going to do something whether its big or small. His grandparents are known to play favorites with their kids and grandkids. Its unfortunate and immoral in my mind. My sweetie is concerned that no one from his side will show up, ie. grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. Now we're totally aware of the whole family not dropping their life for us....but the ones that we're closest too. I know his mom and aunt and uncle that we are EXTREMELY close to will be there. But that sickening feeling of not having someone who you thought you could count on not be there. Plus his grandparents mean a lot to him, but they definitely do take their time on deciding. I worry they could reply yes, and last minute not show up.

Thoughts, advice, please by all means. This guestlist will really hurt him on the inside, and no one likes to see their loved one upset. How should he or I approach those we worry about not showing??Embarassed
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Re: Concerns.....

  • biz717biz717
    100 Comments
    Where are people traveling from?
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  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    How far would this require people to travel?  Would you be able to do anything to assist them, either financially or in terms of arranging carpools, etc?  What are your other location options?  How would they impact the number of guests who travel?

    Maybe most importantly, who is paying?  If its you and/or you and FI, you get a lot of say.  If it's your parents but not FI's, they get a say, too. (And vice versa, if FI's parents are the primary contributors.)

    DH and I traveled back to our hometown for our wedding.  It was the easiest thing for our guest list and while it didn't completely eliminate who had to travel, it was the place that required the fewest number of guests to travel compared to other places we considered.

    You and FI should discuss your tentative plans with your VIP guests, get a feel for where they are and make a decision.  People's minds may change, but you will at least know you may come and you might have an opportunity to plan so that you can help the most important guests from FI's side attend.

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  • missmari387missmari387 member
    First Comment

    His family ranges from TX(cousin) to OK to IL to MI.

    Those are just the states that have the individuals that we do the most with and are closest to. We live in IL.

    Travelling to Md - so my sweetie and I are travelling too.

    This wedding would be out of our pockets more than likely with chip-ins I'm sure. Venue would be a hotel that's in Baltimore-shuttle's are available to and from the hotel to the airport(BWI).

    We intend on plenty of time. 1.5 to 2yr engagement stretch.

    But his concern is his g-parents. They travel plenty but huge sticklers for time. and if it's not their favorite kid's kid they may not show.

    They aren't the greatest of gparents, but i know my sweetie loves them dearly and it would crush him if they weren't there....in fact they may not show at all b/c they seem to have an issue w/ interracial relationships...while they aren't outspoken about it and cause a fuss, maybe them not showing would be best.

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  • tawillerstawillers member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    What are the reasons you want the wedding in MD versus where you currently live and call home?
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  • missmari387missmari387 member
    First Comment
    I like IL...but it isn't my home. I've been here for a yr and a few months. Maryland is my homestate, I've lived there since 91'....and it's very sentimental to me, b/c that's the state I was raised in. I also have a thing for being by the water.lol NOT a lake.lol Ocean water.lol.
    I have always wanted to get married in Maryland. I have a lot of history there and its where my sweetie and I first met face to face.


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_concerns?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d39d4638-f957-4a88-8901-855dfb739c22Post:08e1938a-7b88-4bde-911a-2a47d270f6aa">Re: Concerns.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]What are the reasons you want the wedding in MD versus where you currently live and call home?
    Posted by tawillers[/QUOTE]
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  • *Barbie**Barbie* member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2012
    where does your FI want to get married? You have not mentioned his wishes in any of your posts.

    I think that the two of you need to sit down and talk over what you want, and what is important to the two of you. Are you willing to give up your dream of getting married in MD, so you can get married in a more centralized location and more of FI's family could possibly attend?

    No matter where or when you plan a wedding, an invitation is just that - not a summons. Nobody is requirred to attend. Hell, even if you chose to hold the reception in FI's grandparents' back yard, they can and may still decide not to not attend. You and your FI will need to understand and accept that some people may just not make it.
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  • missmari387missmari387 member
    First Comment
    He hasn't mentioned. I mean either way whether it be in Md, or IL both families will do their share of travelling. My family (most of them) will follow me just about anywhere, but MD is far for my W.Coast family too. He has mentioned of keeping w/ tradition of the Bride's hometown or state in my case(town is too far from civilization and airports.lol) So he's set himself up.....i think he'll need to really have a talk with his grandparents...least see where they stand...they weren't too thrilled over the idea of us recently. Who knows....I expect people to show up on their on accord. I definitely don't demand either side of our families to drop money and show up. It's a blessing if they do and/or send their own blessing.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_concerns?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:d39d4638-f957-4a88-8901-855dfb739c22Post:e4af0333-d78c-430f-b672-197d4cb3bcd6">Re: Concerns.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]where does your FI want to get married? You have not mentioned his wishes in any of your posts. I think that the two of you need to sit down and talk over what you want, and what is important to the two of you. Are you willing to give up your dream of getting married in MD, so you can get married in a more centralized location and more of FI's family could possibly attend? No matter where or when you plan a wedding, an invitation is just that - not a summons. Nobody is requirred to attend. Hell, even if you chose to hold the reception in FI's grandparents' back yard, they can and may still decide not to not attend. You and your FI will need to understand and accept that some people may just not make it.
    Posted by *Barbie*[/QUOTE]
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