Church isn't disability accessible

8daysaweek · May 2011

FMIL asked last month if we could add her brother and his girlfriend to the guest list and we agreed. His GF is in a wheelchair.
The historic church is not wheelchair accessible. When we chose the venue in August, this wasn't something we needed to look for and we didn't think to ask. I just realized this over the weekend and confirmed it last night with the officiant and our wedding is Saturday.
We want to tell them about it before the wedding obviously because we would feel awful if they drove all that way and she couldn't come in and they weren't aware. Our reception venue is accessible so that won't be a problem.
I'm planning to have FI or FMIL call because it is their family. I'm not really sure how we should explain it though. I feel like they are either going to think we were terribly inconsiderate of her disability or realize they were last minute additions to the guest list.
The officiant told us that when this has come up in the past, that the person would be carried in by groomsmen, guests, etc.
Should we offer that solution when we call? I don't mean to sound callous but FMIL said she is a very large woman and it would probably be somewhat difficult and of course we don't want to embarrass her.
I feel like such a jerk over this but we had asked FMIL several times over the last year if she wanted to add guests and asked specifically about her brother a couple times and she always said no. If she had told us in the beginning, we would have selected a different venue.
Any suggestions how to handle this gracefully? Thanks for any advice.

Brandiewine11 · May 2011

Don't feel bad...oversights happen and you are trying to make it right.

Have FI call and explain the situation - "I'm so sorry but we didn't realize until this week that there is not weelchair access to our church...."

Be prepared to describe the situation. "There are xx number of steps"

She may be able to walk a short distance or take the stairs with assistance depending on her situation. Let them make the decision based on the information. Offer to have the ushers assist if necessary.

hlq2011 · May 2011

I was going to say the same thing as MilkDuds. Is there any way that you could arrange for a temporary thing to make it handicap-accessible?

Milsey32 · May 2011

Sorry about the inconvenience. ]: I would look into temporary ramps ... and I'm also curious into how many steps this church has

8daysaweek · May 2011

A temporary ramp might work... there are three sets of 5 stairs each (the chapel sort of sits on a little hill, up from the sidewalk.

emilyinchile · May 2011

Have you asked the church if they have any suggestions? I'd do that first.

achiduck · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_church-isnt-disability-accessible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e7f757a-0534-4d77-a66d-35db118d8ae3Post:ecf20f7f-ec7c-4891-87be-ba59b9660890">Re: Church isn't disability accessible</a>:
[QUOTE]Have you asked the church if they have any suggestions? I'd do that first.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

This. They may already have a solution available by request.

Also, don't all buildings legally have to be wheelchair accessible? Or are historical buildings exempt?

8daysaweek · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_church-isnt-disability-accessible?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0e7f757a-0534-4d77-a66d-35db118d8ae3Post:1ba32b56-9786-47dd-bfcb-04f53362423b">Re: Church isn't disability accessible</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Church isn't disability accessible : This. They may already have a solution available by request. Also, don't all buildings legally have to be wheelchair accessible? Or are historical buildings exempt?
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

Many historical buildings, especially churches, get exemptions (at least around here, I wrote an article about it once).

We have asked the church and their suggestion was carrying her in. I think FI and I are going to drive over tonight to look at the possibility of a ramp and see if we can make that work. I'm embarrassed I didn't think of it.

mkrupar · May 2011

8days we had to rent a ramp for a week when we were in Houston for my mom to be able to get in and out of my Aunt's van. We rented it from a medical supply place. I was young so I don't know what it cost, but you should be able to find one relatively easily.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2011

FYI, the ramp has to be at an 11 degree grade or less. You don't want a super steep ramp that a wheel chair can't get up. However, if you rent an actual wheelchair ramp, it will be complient.

Ghoti · May 2011

I would just talk to them about carrying her up and down. She's probably not new to those issues.

Kreskin79 · May 2011

I'm not sure I can help, per se, but I have some thoughts from the field, as it were(I'm a wheelchair user):

First: You ought not feel bad; these things happen. Many wheelchair users understand that we are in the minority, frankly, and that most people simply don't have to take this kind of thing into consideration on a daily basis.

Second: I'm not surprised that the church is not wheelchair-accessible. The Americans with Disabilities Act does put forth certain regulations for new construction, etc., but I daresay most historical buildings are grandfathered in.

Third: I'll be straight with you - I don't think the ramp idea is a practical one. If you had only to deal with a single set of steps, that'd be doable. Three sets would be nigh impossible unless there's a platform double the length of her chair from the front wheels to the large ones.

You can offer the solution of asking some strong gentlemen if they'd be willing to carry her, of course. It's apparently been done before. Would I be willing to avail myself of that option? No, probably not; it would make me uncomfortable.

Really, I think that what most of us want is just to know that our needs have been considered. If you do that (offer at least one possible solution), then I suspect she'll feel okay about it & they'll end up declining to attend the ceremony. That certainly stinks, but that's sometimes how life is. They'll have fun at the reception!

I wish you luck!

jsleik · May 2011

If the church is on a hill, is there a back entrance that would have fewer steps? When you go over tonight, see if there are other entrances.

8daysaweek · May 2011

Thanks everyone for the advice and Kreskin thanks so much for your perspective.

We offered some solutions but FMIL's brother and his girlfriend have opted to just attend the reception instead and I'll make sure to tell them how sorry we were about the problems with the access to the church. Thanks so much for all the suggestions though!

Church isn't disability accessible

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